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Am a trained and experienced features writer with 30 plus years of experience .My favourite subjects are women's issues, food travel, art,culture ,literature et all.Am a true feminist at heart. An iconoclast and near atheist I steer clear of major part of social practices customs dogmas and superstitions. Love to drink life to the dregs
Men or boys getting the choicest pieces of a meal, and women eating last or even going hungry is 'normal' in most Indian homes...
By and large Indian girls on the threshold of matrimony are advised : Honour obey and respect your life partner . Though the concepts of pati parameshwar, devta are passé’ and redundant now, yet the vital point i.e. obedience still holds sway over people’s minds. It is rather commonplace for brides-to-be to be told: The […]
Aeons ago (so the legends and scriptures say) on a balmy, fragrant and sunlit spring day the much loved dark lord (Krishna) had played Holi with his consort Radha/Radhika and a bevy of pretty milkmaids (Gopikas)who were her close friends in Brijbhumi. The ambience must surely have been ecstatic, with the dark waters of the […]
Lives of Indian Women : Bristling With Paradoxes International Women’s Day 2024 is already becoming part of history.But the hype and fervor- call it what you wish- will last a couple of more days… BUT let’s admit nothing will change for our sisters and comrades at the grassroots level, in small towns, cities, and rural […]
Come 8th of March every year and the populace across the entire globe are agog with activities and enthusiasm to celebrate (read observe) the International women’s day. On this day the menfolk irrespective of their race, faith, profession, and social strata endeavour pay their debt of gratitude to all female who touch their lives: mothers, […]
Wait a minute. The title is a tad baffling. We are talking of a Bangla flick, not Hindi or Urdu one as the name suggests. This is a film which you are unlikely to forget in a hurry. For it is a reflection of the day to day lives of ordinary folks. Guldasta is out […]
It is an axiomatic truth that every woman inherently possesses a few skills and qualities. However, owing to the rough and tumble of daily life, these are rarely able to surface. More so in the case of the Indian Eve who are literally transformed into bonded labourers post marriage. Husband, home and kids become the […]
Explore the power of long-distance friendships that transcend geographical boundaries, nurtured by trust, understanding, and loyalty over decades.
This year i.e 2023 flew away light and fluttery like a bird, starkly different from the three years preceding it. I am saying this because nothing terrible or frightening – powerful enough to bog us down or ruin the pervading air of bonhomie and peace – took place in my concentric circles of family relatives […]
This trend is visible everywhere. For most part of the year, excepting the winter months. Females of all age groups – trendy teens, young married ones, middle aged and what have you – wear the whackiest of blouses and tops,( often designer ones as well) BUT forget to clean –yes you have guessed it right […]
As a 60-year old, all I want is a grandchild. As a mother, is that too much to ask for from my only daughter?
Why do most mothers-in-law have such a huge issue with their overworked daughters-in-law sleeping in late?
Sounds a bit weird, doesn’t it? Well, what I am implying is not purdah in the archaic, Draconian sense of the term. That a woman is prohibited from interacting with or appearing before “stranger” men (not related to her either by blood or by matrimony) Alternatively while stepping out on the streets she must thoroughly […]
Tolstoy opens his world famous novel, Anna Karenina with this sensational line.”All happy families are alike, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” As the drama of my personal life unfolded over the past few years (five to be precise) I have realized how right the Savant was! Me an independent woman […]
Here is a shout out to all the females…girls and women of the reproductive (read menstruating) age group: Do you experience what is familiarly known as PMS (Pre menstrual stress) Its commonest , visible symptoms are mood swings irritability rudeness in speech, and mannerism especially while interacting with other individuals around you. This occurs days […]
Many moons ago having completed my University education I took up a job as a resident teacher in a fairly well known co-educational boarding school in Gurgaon (Delhi -NCR).I taught English to higher secondary classes (XI-XII). The main school was adjacent to the hostel and staff quarters. The senior boys’ dormitory was located above the […]
As an adolescent high school student and still later as a college-goer I was literally fed on a diet of catchpenny Romantic novels (Mills & Boon, Barbara Cartland and so forth) so generously supplied by my classmates, neighbours and friends. At that tender, impressionistic age, these novels acting as a catalyst made my mind soar […]
As an adolescent high school student and still later as a college-goer I was literally fed on a diet of Romantic novels ( Mills & Boon, Barbara Cartland and so forth) so generously supplied by my classmates neighbours and friends. At that tender, impressionistic age, these novels acting as a catalyst made my mind soar […]
My cousin Nipa married exactly forty years ago. The husband’s clan has been loving, understanding and cooperative till date. But Nipa recalls, she nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard that her spouse Tapan’s parents, his two siblings besides two spinster aunts would accompany them The doting sasuma told Nipa “ I have […]
In many films (and sometimes in real life too) some men address their wives as 'Bhagyawan'. It is not just ridiculous, but also denies the woman her identity, her name.
Can you believe this bloke compelled me to wear only saris - full time at home- till the eighth month of my pregnancy?! The excessive heat coupled with humidity made my life miserable.
My husba1d often narrates how a friendly neighbourhood auntie got him into serious trouble with his parents, for absolutely no fault his. As matter of fact on that occasion Bobby (my spouse’s nickname) had accompanied a few of his university / college buddies to the New Delhi railway station. Those guys were heading to […]
As I was a working mother, Rima took my baby under her wing. After breast feeding sessions she would snatch away the baby. The baby even slept with her, nights.
‘‘Oh my God Didi, no fall in your sari; how shabby and ugly it looks. Don’t you have any sense? People will laugh at you." And sure enough, some people within earshot turned around to see who was speaking so loudly.
Within a few days of marriage, I realized that the four female of the house – my husband’s mother, sister and two maternal aunts, were struck by what psychiatrists term Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
I found this movie to be very powerful, thought provoking and deeply moving. The plot and the perspective is simple yet out of the ordinary. The film depicts the harsh reality of everyday lives of numerous nameless, faceless men and women (read tribals) who live in abject poverty in nondescript remote villages. The protagonist of […]
The Japanese Wife - an epitome of human love that transcends all physical barriers.
In Sudakshinar Saree directed by Sudeshna Roy Abhijit Guha a housewife turns her love for sarees into a thriving empowering business.
Now it’s going to be a low-oil, low-fat, gluten-free diet. The dietitian’s chart had scrapped chips, chocolates, aerated beverages, yellow cheese, cookies, paratha/poori, processed meats, and desserts from my menu.
Phew! It’s curtains down on another year! As a bridge between two corona-riddled years and a return to normalcy, 2022 has been placid and rather uneventful.
Aye Khuku Aye directed by Sauvik Kundu, is a soul-stirring film about a young-teen girl Buri and her father Nirmal.
Imagine my ‘culture shock’ when I discovered that the husband’s family was a patriarchal, sexist, orthodox family with the pater familias ruling the roost in a tyrannical manner.
If a man and a woman feel close ties to each other, why do others necessarily see it as romantic or sexual only?
Kuler Achaar, directed by Sudeep Das, is a ‘feminist movie,’ from Tollywood’s tinsel town about a bahu who refuses to change her surname after marriage.
Eventually the bahu manages to convince her marital clan that such restrictions imposed by a ruthless patriarchal society on women are illogical, baseless, unscientific, and grossly inhumane.
Menopause was such a relief, let me tell you. I felt light and free like a bird. As this new realisation began to sink in, I chalked out my travel plans with greater gusto.
Bobby grew repentant, remorseful. Confessing that her innate craving for happiness and stability had weakened her, she promised to turn over a new leaf.
Aren’t these very men taught to 'behave decently' with their female relatives? Then can't they put that to use and leave strangers alone?!
Believe me I was shocked, aghast, disgusted to be watching such bizarre, mindless activities day in and day out.
She gave me an invaluable tip, “Even if you have a family to take care of, it is you who must take care of yourself and your acute personal needs. Remember, even the most conscientious of spouses and offsprings have their shortcomings
Moral guardians of society and cynical individuals label me a pervert, a woman of easy virtue, and so on. Many tauntingly quiz me - “Iss umar mein?” (at this age?)
They believed that a bahu is supposed to conduct herself no better than a doormat, should never 'argue' with elderly folk, and stoically accept all their actions, whether right or wrong.
Dear Corona, enough is enough. Please leave us alone and let sanity prevail once again. It's time for you to go corona!
As they were often seen together in public, our family got more peeved. My grandmother branded her own daughter as a shameless slut. As if she was committing adultery, even though she was a widow with no husband around.
There shall be no interference or dominance on our part. Both your Papa and myself have had stormy lives. We sincerely wish you to be...
What do you do when you don't have someone you can pour out your feelings to? You take out your book, a pen- and write.
But yes I do not subscribe to the ultra-feminist concepts like 'burning bras’ (I feel comfortable wearing them) or attempting to pee like men.
Every day, women are being coerced into giving up their dreams, their passion, when they get married. Simply because - how can a married woman do this?
Here is an appeal: Dear Men, please let us live our lives in ease comfort and peace. Your unwarranted attention makes us (women) feel as though we are no better than objects of lust.
You’ve got to believe me when I say that even during the initial, heady days of our marriage, he was neither effusive nor demonstrative.
After some time, unable to bear it any longer, I signed off from the home lunch. My MIL must've heaved a sigh of relief because my portion of groceries would be saved!
2021 was hard on many families. Ruchira Ghosh narrates her ordeal - but also the silver lining that emerged from it.
I read this highly interesting article on this very forum in which the author queries as to why hot food should be the prerogative of men? I am on the same page with her and pose a more intense query - why should men always be served first?
Three women who loved me, and showed their love openly, whom I lost too early. They've left behind only memories, which I must put down.
Rekha filed a case for divorce accusing her husband of infidelity. Meanwhile, my parents began receiving blank calls and even death threats.
Daughters are NOT things to give away, nor are they in any DEBT to their parents. Time to chuck outdated wedding rituals; move with the times.
Did he love me...did he not? This puzzle was solved years later, but...
Asha contributed substantially to the family’s income. Therefore, to lose her would mean losing the proverbial goose that laid golden eggs.
I had a serious, life threatening reaction to the 1st jab of Covishield, and I'm thankful just to be alive and recovering, though I'm still wondering...
Caste, religion, and region hold a lot of prominence in a marriage alliance. It’s difficult to find open-minded people. And, sometimes when found, it might just be a sham!
In a society that penalises its women if they give birth to girls and devalues its daughters, a choice to have an only girl child is revolutionary.
The Hindu widowing ceremony is one of the our women's special trauma making traditions for our those who are already in a traumatic situation.
For years, women have been conditioned to call their husbands 'aap,' while they are being called 'tu.' Will this discrimination ever end?
Indian bahus have far too many rules imposed on them - including 'staying away' from their husband's male relatives. Ever wondered why?
From checking whether I had body odour to judging my gait and clothes, as a new bride, I suffered endless ordeals in the first few days!
Couples choosing the DINK (Double income no kids) life is quite popular now. It's time we accepted parenting isn't the all that couples seek!
The author recalls her grandmother who wasn't related to her by blood - her father's stepmother - but who was an extraordinary and loving woman.
Why do Indians, especially husbands, make fun of their wives for having an interest in grooming, dressing up, make-up, etc., once they have kids?
Men feeling their egos are challenged. Mothers feeling their precious sons should not be imposed upon. Result - men won't do household chores.
While realising that she was privileged enough to escape the worst of the pandemic, the author speaks of how they coped with another related disaster.
My father-in-law was a doctor, however, my husband's family was incredibly superstitious and indulged certain peculiar practices!
Years ago, I met a sailor who I believed was 'The One' for me. Unfortunately, he wanted to date casually and I wanted something serious...
One of my colleagues at school and I shared a beautiful friendship. Unfortunately, rumours were spread leading to us having to part ways.
Perhaps he had expected I would jump into bed with him. Who knows? Unable to evoke any response from me he gave it up, saying that I was so inhibited; I was good for nothing!
Is fairness the be-all and end-all of life? Is it fairness, and nothing else besides, that makes women attractive, desirable and eligible for love?
Why are most Indian brides scrutinised by in-laws and expected to be 'perfect' in everything they do, otherwise it is all their parents' fault?
In my marital home, if I asked for more food than my usual intake, my MIL and SIL would scream at me and call me a greedy glutton or a pig!
From calling women names to cursing them a life of bad-luck, it is an interesting phenomenon of women cursing other women, especially their DILs.
So many in India live in joint or extended families and small homes, with the only privacy a couple gets is by hanging curtains or mosquito nets.
My parents were extremely affectionate and epitome of harshness in the same breath. They gave me a harrowing time through my adolescent years.
Kanika’s world revolved around music; she ate, drank, slept and dreamt music.
While you're stuck at home in isolation, cooking could be a great way to bond with the family. And what better than Bengali prawn recipes to do so!
If you thought Bengali cuisine was all about rice and fish, this unique papaya chutney recipe will correct your misconceptions!
Aparna Sen's heroines (and movies) take on the prevailing orthodoxies of Indian cinema - often with sisterhood at their very core.
If all women showed the same confidence as the author of this piece, feminism will have achieved its goal. Do read this personal account of a life well spent.
Marriages have always been 'mandatory' in our culture, but singlehood is so much better than living in an abusive or even loveless marriage!
Age is just a number, and branding a woman as an 'aunty' because of her marital status, presence of children, greying hair, looks, etc., is just not done.
A heart-warming love story that stood the test of time and lasted a lifetime.
I candidly confess that I have not been lucky in love though I have had my fair share of relationships. But, this particular incident left me shellshocked!
Gauhar Jaan, conjures up almost mythical images of courtly splendour, Hindustani classical music, and gramophone records. Who was she?
The first female singing star of India's cine world, Kanan Bala led a tumultuous, eventful life, that inspired an entire generation of playback singers.
Even if often patriarchal in its focus on male pleasure, ancient Indian attitudes to sexuality were far from restrictive. An insightful read.
I had loved him from afar as a teenager, and carried a flame for him for years. Now when I was engaged to my first flame, he wanted his ex-wife's approval!
What are the problems that modern daughters-in-law face in joint families? What are the problems of joint families in today's times? A daughter-in-law muses from experience.
This is the sordid tale of an ill-fated girl who died an untimely death. She looked for happiness, but was sacrificed by a patriarchal society on the altar of marriage.
Indian society has been biased towards its boys and men since all our known history, as can be gleaned from mythology and sacred scriptures, as well as historical records.
Despite this being the new millennium, we Indians still believe in a lot of superstitions which are mostly do not make any sense. What about you?
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