Why Should My Spouse Dictate How I Dress, Do My Hair??

By and large Indian girls on the threshold of matrimony are advised : Honour obey and respect your life partner . Though the concepts of pati  parameshwar, devta are  passé’   and redundant now,  yet the  vital point  i.e.  obedience  still holds sway over  people’s minds. It is rather commonplace for brides-to-be to be told: The groom is older   than you are,  mature, knows the ways of  the world, he will look after you, he has your  welfare at  heart. So listen to what he says, there  will be peace and  harmony at home. (By elderly aunts, neighbours, moms etal)

Logical .But a tiny question at this juncture: Isn’t  it a uphill  task  for a newly-wed bride  to become obedient  to a  stranger at  the drop of  a hat, someone who you  know little or almost nothing about.

Let me tell you  I underwent  similar experiences  right after  our shaadi  almost three decades ago.   The  first thing that the hubby told  right  after  the first week was to clip my fingernails. He confessed  he hated long nails. Luckily   I didn’t sport long ones even during my bachelor days. So I had narrow escape. However since them I’ve  never had long  nails  nor even those nails extensions and stuff.

The next embargo  came a few years later.  During  that period (hugely) backless choli type blouses  were in vogue. I was planning to get a couple tailor made. When I informed  him  (to keep him   in the loop) he refused  point “ That’s bad taste according  to me,”  he said  adding further “ You are my wife  now  hence  it is your duty to dress in a  manner  that  I find  tasteful.” All this when  I was  a  working  girl  and never touched him for money! Can  you believe till  date  I don’t possess  such a blouse in  my wardrobe. Though backless blouses aren’t hot anymore yet plenty  of women  still flaunt them.  “They will go out of fashion and your money will be wasted,” he had cautioned. Observing that nothing of the sort happened, the partner has piped down.

Since long I  wore   my hair  short in “steps” cut.   Post  marriage the womenfolk   in the sasural  began grumbling  about my hair style complaining that  it  did not suit a newlywed bahu. According to the  females of  this particular  species ought to have “fairly” long hair. Often I wanted to  yell : Why  didn’t you guys indulge in  nitpicking  before the negotiations were  finalized.  Did you turn blind then? In reality my partner bullied, threatened and  blackmailed me (in  low voice  and polite  lexicon. He is smart one!) constantly till I was  disgusted and stopped visiting  ladies’  salon ! For  a few years at least.

All  said  and done though he has been overall good husband  I shall  never forgive  him  for being  so imperious.


About the Author


Am a trained and experienced features writer with 30 plus years of experience .My favourite subjects are women's issues, food travel, art,culture ,literature et all.Am a true feminist at heart. An iconoclast read more...

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