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Tolstoy opens his world famous novel, Anna Karenina with this sensational line.”All happy families are alike, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” As the drama of my personal life unfolded over the past few years (five to be precise) I have realized how right the Savant was!
Me an independent woman being humiliated for every morsel I consume. That is the status quo in my life at the moment. I don’t completely blame my family for this … but couldn’t they at least try and be a little more sympathetic and humane?
Well, it began this way. I lost my job nearly ten years ago. The world virtually came tumbling down for me, so to speak. Nevertheless I managed to bounce back by means of a major investment which I had made some time earlier. Four years down the line, my daughter graduated as a physiotherapist and forthwith got a lucrative placement. So far so good. However haven’t we all heard that “When sorrows come they come in battalions…” For starts, the private party i.e our investment agent suddenly began to play hooky. Monthly installments (of the interest accrued) began to grow rarer with passage of time. Now this didn’t go down with my family. After all everyone loves money. Don’t they? Call it misfortune or sheer coincidence, around that time the finances of the private company my partner worked in began to flounder. Delayed salary, slashed salary became the order of the day. In a desperate move he asked the daughter for support. Now this offspring of ours is a sly one . She detested this sudden turn of events, but didn’t have the heart to refuse her dear Papa. So this clandestine deal was clinched while I hadn’t the slightest inkling. Again shall I term it my ill-luck she decided to vent her ire discontent and angst on poor Me.
My fault? being totally unaware of the intra-family nexus…i made simple nakhras /demands like a couple of extra dishes for meals … takeaway dinner because I was feeling sluggish etc …the duo mocked me in unison “paise kon dega tera baap?” On one occasion I handed out a few cookies to the maid. The irate young lady jumped into the fray ” You shameless hussy,you are sponging on me and having a party?” I am sure the retreating maid must have heard it clearly In the post-nexus phase I had unwittingly committed a few more blunders: attended the wedding of my best friend’s daughter en famille… entertaining a long-lost-and-found teenage friend whom I met after forty years! I have been practicing Nichiren ‘s Buddhism for many years now…and had the audacity to buy its scripture Gosho which was a tad expensive. For these faux pas I am blasted day in and day out invariably at family times, even now. Hard to believe but quite often in the absence of the lady Annadata (self proclaimed) I begged the husband for an extra tomato, a whole onion, a dash of lemon etc to pep up my bland meal. But he would not budge an inch. Such is his unwavering loyalty to his daughter who was providing him his bread!
It is indeed a cruel irony of fate that my contribution to the family when I was regularly employed was convincingly forgotten during these hard times. Moreover I still receive the long delayed amount from the nefarious investor– if not monthly at least three to five times a year – which goes to fill their bellies and cater to their petty needs. What ingratitude!!
To escape being overweight I still.follow a diet regimen which requires items like eggs oats brown rice. The duo don’t eat eggs…hence I am ridiculed for extravaganza each time I reach out for one. A quick rewind: The long dead pater familias ie My father in law (pbuh) had laid down a Diet code: Simple frugal meals,pulses, roti, rice, potato as the staple veggie, fish once in a blue moon, negligible dairy etc. And above all “ Same stuff and same portion for each member. If A doesn’t eat X and B doesnt’ eat Y both will be taken off the menu even if other diners need it acutely.” Amazing how his children and grandchildren faithfully (read mercilessly) adhere to this even now.
Often I shed silent tears as to how harmony and domestic peace of my conjugal life gets shattered due to financial crises and some outmoded ideas. But no…I must not crib or complain…after all I am an adarsh Bharatiya Nari…and must ADJUST understand all circumstances. For that is my Paramo Dharma….
Am a trained and experienced features writer with 30 plus years of experience .My favourite subjects are women's issues, food travel, art,culture ,literature et all.Am a true feminist at heart. An iconoclast read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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