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Every day, women are being coerced into giving up their dreams, their passion, when they get married. Simply because - how can a married woman do this?
For Polly, music was her life’s breath. Since age four, she was given music lessons, first by her mother, followed by a couple of tutors. Later as a teenager she got herself enrolled in Suradhuni, a reputed music school in south Kolkata. She studied hard, obtained a diploma and aspired to be a professional singer.
But all her dreams came to a naught when her parents got her married to a ‘suitable boy’. Though her in-laws had promised that she would be allowed to pursue music, yet soon after the wedding they did a volte-face, stopping her music lessons for good.
Their logic: “As a married woman your priority must be your husband and children as and when they arrive”. Polly was heartbroken, but had to toe the line with the elders in the family for the sake of family harmony.
In an identical situation, Pinky who had completed two certificate courses in French from Alliance Française, New Delhi, and was half way through a diploma in the language by the time she married, was brow-beaten by her mom-in-law into abandoning her studies, barely weeks after the event. Pinky rues it till date. “I had plans to join Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU) Delhi for higher studies in my favourite subject. They have one of the best curricula available in India. But now it is all zilch!” she concludes.
In another bizarre instance, when Suhasini Devi learnt that her granddaughter Vasavika was planning to walk down the aisle with her long time boy friend Sunil, the first thing she did was to get her out of the dance classes she had been attending for almost decade.
Vasavika had trained as a Kathak dancer under the late prima donna Smt Rani Karna. When Vasavika’s father, Suhasini’s son, protested, she brushed it aside. “How foolish can you get? Which family will tolerate a newlywed bride dancing around and people watching? Decorum must be maintained,” she said firmly. Since the aged lady ruled the household, the young girl had to comply.
Honestly, my heart goes out to these women. Innate talent, skills, passion,… all sacrificed at the altar of “marriage.”
By the way, what do they get return? Deceptive peace. Orderly family life. being a dutiful devoted mom and wife. Is that good enough? I wonder.
After their children grew up and finished schooling, Polly and Vasavika were ‘permitted’ by their spouses to resume their hobbies. Too little, too late!
Image source: shutterstock
Am a trained and experienced features writer with 25 plus years of experience .My favourite subjects are women's issues, food travel, art,culture ,literature et all.Am a true feminist at heart. An iconoclast read more...
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No matter where one’s fandom lies, if one saw the clip of you visiting your son in jail, the sheer dignity would have one converted to 'being yours'!
Dear @iamsrk,
I have done enough stuff in my journey making my son and husband often exclaim vexedly, ‘Aap Zara Sa Tham Jao Ji!’
But never in my dreams did I imagine that I would be writing an open crush-puff-piece at this stage of my life!
If the Chitrahaar Gods were especially propitious, they would showcase the song 'Papa Kahte Hain' and she would croon along to the song and wonder with you... where did her future lie?
Dear Aamir,
The magazines called you the ‘Chocolate Boy’ and a little girl in a small town, who loved chocolates, rare as they were in the eighties, fell in love without even realising it. Not yet introduced to the charm of the brooding hero, she found your delectable rasogulla looks enticing enough, at the tender age of ten, to fall head over heels. You see, she had yet to be indoctrinated into the Tall, Dark, Handsome myth. Of course, if she had been a little bit older, she might have thought it was better to take greater note of your lipstick shade than your chocolate boy looks, for looks as they say, are here today and gone tomorrow.
She would wait impatiently for Wednesday and Friday evenings, counting the days in her heart. Come evening, she would be so excited, the spring in her steps would be hard to miss. She would be scared everyone would know the secret in her heart but still she was the first one to plop in front of the television at 8 o’clock promptly. It was the time for Chitrahaar and her only opportunity to gaze at your beautiful unblemished countenance without drawing attention to herself. You see, she carried her love for you like a firefly in her heart, a glow for difficult times.