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Every day, women are being coerced into giving up their dreams, their passion, when they get married. Simply because - how can a married woman do this?
For Polly, music was her life’s breath. Since age four, she was given music lessons, first by her mother, followed by a couple of tutors. Later as a teenager she got herself enrolled in Suradhuni, a reputed music school in south Kolkata. She studied hard, obtained a diploma and aspired to be a professional singer.
But all her dreams came to a naught when her parents got her married to a ‘suitable boy’. Though her in-laws had promised that she would be allowed to pursue music, yet soon after the wedding they did a volte-face, stopping her music lessons for good.
Their logic: “As a married woman your priority must be your husband and children as and when they arrive”. Polly was heartbroken, but had to toe the line with the elders in the family for the sake of family harmony.
In an identical situation, Pinky who had completed two certificate courses in French from Alliance Française, New Delhi, and was half way through a diploma in the language by the time she married, was brow-beaten by her mom-in-law into abandoning her studies, barely weeks after the event. Pinky rues it till date. “I had plans to join Jawaharlal Nehru University (JNU) Delhi for higher studies in my favourite subject. They have one of the best curricula available in India. But now it is all zilch!” she concludes.
In another bizarre instance, when Suhasini Devi learnt that her granddaughter Vasavika was planning to walk down the aisle with her long time boy friend Sunil, the first thing she did was to get her out of the dance classes she had been attending for almost decade.
Vasavika had trained as a Kathak dancer under the late prima donna Smt Rani Karna. When Vasavika’s father, Suhasini’s son, protested, she brushed it aside. “How foolish can you get? Which family will tolerate a newlywed bride dancing around and people watching? Decorum must be maintained,” she said firmly. Since the aged lady ruled the household, the young girl had to comply.
Honestly, my heart goes out to these women. Innate talent, skills, passion,… all sacrificed at the altar of “marriage.”
By the way, what do they get return? Deceptive peace. Orderly family life. being a dutiful devoted mom and wife. Is that good enough? I wonder.
After their children grew up and finished schooling, Polly and Vasavika were ‘permitted’ by their spouses to resume their hobbies. Too little, too late!
Image source: shutterstock
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Am a trained and experienced features writer with 25 plus years of experience .My favourite subjects are women's issues, food travel, art,culture ,literature et all.Am a true feminist at heart. An iconoclast read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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If you want to get back to work after a break, here’s the ultimate guide to return to work programs in India from tech, finance or health sectors - for women just like you!
Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend related to personal financial planning and she shared how she had had fleeting thoughts about joining work but she was apprehensive to take the plunge. She was unaware of return to work programs available in India.
She had taken a 3-year long career break due to child care and the disconnect from the job arena that she spoke about is something several women in the same situation will relate to.
More often than not, women take a break from their careers to devote time to their kids because we still do not have a strong eco-system in place that can support new mothers, even though things are gradually changing on this front.
A married woman has to wear a sari, sindoor, mangalsutra, bangles, anklets, and so much more. What do these ornaments have to do with my love, respect, and commitment to my husband?
They: Are you married?
They: But You don’t look like it
Me: (in my Mind) Why should I?
Why is being married not enough for a woman, and she needs to look married too? I am tired of such comments in the nearly four years of being married.
I believe that anything that is forced is not right. I must have a choice. I am a living human, not a puppet. And I am not stopping anyone by not following any tradition. You are free to do whatever you like to do. But do not force others. It’s depressing.