Why do Indians, especially husbands, make fun of their wives for having an interest in grooming, dressing up, make-up, etc., once they have kids?
Let me tell you I was deeply hurt.
Agreed that I was 32 and the mother of a three year old daughter. There was nothing to stop me from wearing a stylish new sari, or decking myself up to go to a social-do. Moreover the sari, a lovely jamdaani booti was a gift from my paternal uncle.
But I foolishly asked my husband how I looked. “What looks? You are already a budhhi (old woman)!” he shot back.
My world crumbled; I was woebegone. If he was joking, it was not my kind of humour; I wanted to scream, but desisted.
Such instances are not hard to come by.
My cousin Ruby, in her late 40’s and a mother of two, has begun to bald slightly as it runs in the family; to arrest it she consulted a doctor who suggested a serum plus vitamin tablets.
Hearing of this, her husband mocked her. “What are you up to?’ he queried, “switching husbands or planning to catwalk on the ramp?” he commented sardonically. The poor girl burst into tears.
Tia’s experience is far worse. A buxom 50 year old with sharp features and good complexion, she loves to wear light make-up. But again, her spouse makes caustic remarks comparing her to street-walkers. Ironically she is a working woman earning enough to buy her own stuff.
Her mother-in-law advises her to “stay simple” since (she feels) cosmetics make her look ‘coquettish’ which does not behove a middle-aged bahu. And that too when she has a 25 year old eligible daughter! Obviously the “log kya kahenge” (adverse public opinion) comes to the forefront!
Tia is so disgusted that she has toned down her use of make-up to minimal except on special occasions.
I recall getting tongue lashings from my mother-in-law on two occasions when I had left a sleeping baby and gone for a haircut. The baby woke up and began whining which vexed her no end, and of course she gave a earful to me.
I cannot for dear life figure out as to why married women are expected to put their commonest habits, pastime, and grooming on the back burner once they have had children? Having one child or more does not necessarily mean we’re no longer interested in dressing up.
By the way do kids always prove to be a hindrance in beauty pursuits? Nah. I am sure arrangements can jolly well be made for other adult family members (dad too had better do his part in parenting), or even a domestic help to mind the babies for a while so that the mothers can go ahead with whatever they want to do in their me-time.
And once the children begin to grow up, they may give their moms new ideas and tips, and it can become a way to bond!
Image source: a still from the film Lipstick Under My Burkha
Am a trained and experienced features writer with 25 plus years of experience .My favourite subjects are women's issues, food travel, art,culture ,literature read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, indivisual posts do not necessarily represent the platofrom's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
If in-laws treat their daughters in law differently, it can certainly lead to a very traumatic and sticky situation in the family.
“Can you get me some water?” asked my MIL from her place in the bedroom at 11a.m. on a leisurely Sunday.
Apologies to patriotic people, but most of us Indians are not sensitive to special needs people & their emotions. Let's make this world a better place for them!
Apologies to patriotic people, but most of us Indians are not sensitive to special needs people & their emotions. Let’s make this world a better place for them!
My daughter Farheena is a young, smart lady with special needs. She is 26 years of age. I was diagnosed with 3rd Stage breast cancer when she was just 11 months old. Considering how our society responds to people who are different in any way, I was so scared to die that I kicked cancer and continued living. Of course, I had to undergo regular treatment to overcome cancer, but it was not tough.
Misogyny is ingrained in the Indian society wherein entitled husbands feel that they have the right to tell their wives what to do and what not to do. It is time this stops!
I am an independent woman. My husband has always encouraged me to work. Even when I stayed at home to take care of my son, I would work from home.
An Indian wife taking care of her husband in old age is common, but this old Indian man taking care of his ill wife on a flight filled me with hope.
On a flight from Mumbai to Delhi, I happened to have an elderly couple occupying the adjacent two seats. Later I thought, it must have been destined to happen. Else why would they get seats next to me in the entire craft?