Anupama writes a letter to her 18-years old daughter. Read what she has to say.
Are husbands little kids that they are ‘expected’ to throw temper tantrums in a marriage? Why isn’t a husband expected to be adult enough to own his part in being a couple?
Around 15 years back, I remember that I had bought jeans from a mall and given it for alteration. The next day when I went to collect it, I saw that I had misplaced the slip. I actually became quite hyper!
My brand new husband calmly handled the situation and collected the altered jeans. My parents and other relatives were mighty impressed with my husband – that he didn’t lose his cool or yell at me!
Time and again in the past 15 years, I have heard this remark from relatives, my parents, and my friends — that I am really lucky to have a husband who hasn’t ever shouted at me. That I am so lucky that my husband helps me with household chores. That I am so lucky that my husband helps me with bringing up our kids. That I am lucky that my husband respects my parents.
Isn’t that supposed to be normal?
But I believe that Indian women take it for granted that the husband will have temper tantrums, will yell, will not help with the household chores or change diapers of the kids, and hence when men like my husband do, I am considered to be very lucky!
Why is that all men aren’t like this? It is the 21st century, and yet I get to hear women lamenting that their husbands believe that cooking, taking care of the home, or bringing up children is a woman’s job. If a woman works or goes out for a holiday, or to meet her friends, she is again lucky that she is ‘allowed‘ by her liberal husband to do so! Something wrong with the husband’s upbringing, I think!
I am always told that my marriage is successful because I have such a calm husband and I am like really? Doesn’t a marriage work when both the parties work on it?
How many times have we heard of women getting appreciated because they are calm, efficiently do housework and manage job, bring up children well, take care of their in-laws? How many times is the wife appreciated for not shouting at her husband?
Time to change the social norms…
Image source: Flickr, for representational purposes only.
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