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‘Good Girls Shouldn’t Live-In’ — Union Minister. But Violence In Marriage Is Ok?

Women are being shamed for choosing 'non-sanskaari' ways of life after the Shraddha Walkar murder, but what about all the violence, dowry deaths, and more, among married women?

Since the time the ghastly and unfortunate murder of Shraddha has been in the news, apart from the gory details all I can see is the quintessential gyaan given by various sections of people about how girls should behave, believe, live!!

A Union minister commented, “Educated girls shouldn’t get into live-in.”  Again blame the girls — right? Any crime committed has only the criminal guilty. So if a girl goes into a live-in arrangement and gets abused or murdered, its “totally her fault as she defied her parents and the societal cultural norms”!

Let’s talk about the hundreds and thousands of ‘married’ victims of domestic abuse, shall we?

What about the hundreds of women who are victims of domestic violence, dowry deaths, sometimes conspired murders who opted for arranged marriages?  They did what ‘good Indian girls’ should do.  They are the obedient girls who listen to their parents, try adjusting in the new family, try pleasing the husband yet get abused emotionally and physically day in and day out.

But as per society “that’s okay as legally the man is her husband and marriage is sacred unlike live-in which is unethical”!

The problem lies with the patriarchal thought process of the society where no matter what somewhere the girl has to be blamed for her fate; more so if a girl tries to live life on her own terms.  So many women out there, some of whom I personally know, from educated, well-to-do families are the victims of abuse.  So, what about the educated ‘sanskari’ men who are their husbands, then?

Just as an example, look at this parallel case of Anupama Gulati, a young married woman, which has a lot of similarity to this case. Her husband killed her in much the same way, and disposed of her body too, in the same way. A ‘sanskaari’, married woman – and it did not save her. Or the case of Vismaya a couple of years ago, who died of suicide due to dowry harassment.

Why did the minister specifically target only the girls?

Why is that instead of solely condemning the murderer and his heinous acts people target the unfortunate girl?  Why is there no such furor or anguish when it comes to domestic violence victims in the arranged/love marriage setup?  Why should the ‘moral values’ and ‘character’ of a girl be questioned every time there is a dastardly crime?

Nirbhaya wasn’t spared, Shraddha isn’t spared, and this will continue.

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Let’s worry more about the criminal rather than the sanskars of the girls.  Let the criminals be punished and shamed, not the victims.

Images source: YouTube

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About the Author

Ritwika Roy Mutsuddi

I am a travel expert by profession and an avid blogger by passion. Parenting and women's issues are something that are close to my heart and I blog a lot about them. read more...

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