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Women are being shamed for choosing 'non-sanskaari' ways of life after the Shraddha Walkar murder, but what about all the violence, dowry deaths, and more, among married women?
Since the time the ghastly and unfortunate murder of Shraddha has been in the news, apart from the gory details all I can see is the quintessential gyaan given by various sections of people about how girls should behave, believe, live!!
A Union minister commented, “Educated girls shouldn’t get into live-in.” Again blame the girls — right? Any crime committed has only the criminal guilty. So if a girl goes into a live-in arrangement and gets abused or murdered, its “totally her fault as she defied her parents and the societal cultural norms”!
What about the hundreds of women who are victims of domestic violence, dowry deaths, sometimes conspired murders who opted for arranged marriages? They did what ‘good Indian girls’ should do. They are the obedient girls who listen to their parents, try adjusting in the new family, try pleasing the husband yet get abused emotionally and physically day in and day out.
But as per society “that’s okay as legally the man is her husband and marriage is sacred unlike live-in which is unethical”!
The problem lies with the patriarchal thought process of the society where no matter what somewhere the girl has to be blamed for her fate; more so if a girl tries to live life on her own terms. So many women out there, some of whom I personally know, from educated, well-to-do families are the victims of abuse. So, what about the educated ‘sanskari’ men who are their husbands, then?
Just as an example, look at this parallel case of Anupama Gulati, a young married woman, which has a lot of similarity to this case. Her husband killed her in much the same way, and disposed of her body too, in the same way. A ‘sanskaari’, married woman – and it did not save her. Or the case of Vismaya a couple of years ago, who died of suicide due to dowry harassment.
Why is that instead of solely condemning the murderer and his heinous acts people target the unfortunate girl? Why is there no such furor or anguish when it comes to domestic violence victims in the arranged/love marriage setup? Why should the ‘moral values’ and ‘character’ of a girl be questioned every time there is a dastardly crime?
Nirbhaya wasn’t spared, Shraddha isn’t spared, and this will continue.
Let’s worry more about the criminal rather than the sanskars of the girls. Let the criminals be punished and shamed, not the victims.
Images source: YouTube
I am a travel expert by profession and an avid blogger by passion. Parenting and women's issues are something that are close to my heart and I blog a lot about them. read more...
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Why do women have to go through so much trauma just for being women? Who gives men the right to behave in this way?
Trigger warning: This post contains depiction of normalised violence against women, and may be triggering for survivors.
My belly is living proof
of the life I have grown, held, and birthed
a ‘permanently pregnant’ swell
stretch marks and a caesarian scar
that still itch
an experience I wouldn’t trade in
except for what I was told by the father of my child.
It is easy to give in to patriarchal expectations from a married woman and lose your self in a marriage, but the path to happiness is in keeping your independence.
Marriage is often described as the joining of two individuals’ bodies, minds, and souls. Upon getting married, you are expected to share everything with your partner, including time, money, and all other aspects of life. Your life should revolve around your spouse from beginning to end.
But is it necessary to spend every waking moment with the spouse? Are you not supposed to have a life apart from your spouse? And do these rules apply only to women or men as well?
Although both men and women may face this situation, women are generally expected to give up everything once they get married. Despite progress in several areas, expecting women to abandon their interests, passions, and friendships to align their lives with those of their spouses is still considered the norm.
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