Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Today's young woman prefers to be 30 and single. She prefers to reach for her dreams, rather than be 'married off' when she is 'old enough'.
Today’s young woman prefers to be 30 and single. She prefers to reach for her dreams, rather than be ‘married off’ when she is ‘old enough’.
We live in a society where the moment a girl turns 25 and is unmarried, family, friends and society look down upon her suspiciously. The society that never wanted her to have a boyfriend, suddenly issues her the licence to have one.
I personally pity those poor souls who are forced to attend all functions from the closest friend’s to the distant brother of her mom’s second cousin’s only daughter’s marriage. She is directed to be attired in elaborate ethnic wear with the customary dupatta, wear a delicate smile and to top it all, she is given crash courses on blushing too. The moment she walks down the red carpet, every eye ball scans her upside-down.
I am always disheartened to see how girls above 25 years of age are treated like products nearing their expiry date. The fact that most of the girls don’t speak up against the same, is even more disheartening.
Last evening, I attended my friend’s marriage (by the way she is 32 years of age) where I overheard an aunty yelling with excitement – “Ohhh maiiii Gawwdd!! Do you laaaikke somebaudy!! Tell me naaa…. Mai setting karwa dungi..”
I wanted to immediately flee from the place and find a peaceful corner to avoid a nervous breakdown. But decided otherwise on hearing a confident yet composed voice answering – “No I don’t like anyone! And if at all I did, I would prefer telling my parents first. My parents trust me and my choices. If I cannot sort out something with the ones who gave me birth and imbibed the values and principles in me, nobody on this planet can.”
Aunty – Toh kya problem hai? Woh ladka accha hain! The guy is tall, dark and handsome and to top it all, he earns much more than you! You need not toil now.
Woman – Really nice to know that he works and earns well. But I wish to be financially independent. I don’t want to be a financial burden on anyone. Moreover he may buy me thousands of solitaires but the shine and glitter of the diamond I earn for myself, illuminates my whole world. He may buy me the luxuries of the Jaguar and Rolls Royce but the sheer pleasure of driving my hard earned Honda City is much higher.
Aunty – As a girl you have to take up the responsibility of kitchen and home on your shoulders. Finances will be handled by him. So both of you would be working in coalition and effectively not doing a favour to each other.
Woman – Why do we have this predefined set of responsibilities? Why does the society confine us in those boundaries? I believe that a marriage should be a coalition in complete sense. Responsibilities should be taken up by choice and not forced upon anyone. If I am ready to take care of home and office together, I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t work.
Aunty – You cannot marry after you have lost your charm and pass by your marriageable age. And few years down the line you will feel the emptiness in your life without a family of your own.
Woman – What pleasure and happiness will that family give me who doesn’t understand my wishes and desires? If my to-be family cannot make me happy today, what happiness can I expect from them tomorrow? I don’t see any fulfilment in life by marrying, when I have to first make it empty by leaving my job. I just don’t wish to get into a dictated relationship.
Everybody is ready to accept all her demands varying from the height of the groom to the weight of his pockets. One expectation that is just unacceptable is –“I want to work and the proposals I receive won’t allow me to.”
Most Indian girls, even highly educated ones, fall into the trap of the pre-defined beliefs of this society. I salute the guts of this girl who stood up for herself and who clearly knows where her happiness lies. I salute her for wonderfully sorting out her priorities. I salute her for not giving up to the societal pressures. Marriage is a commitment for a lifetime and one needs to be sure before getting into one.
Become a premium user on Women’s Web and get access to exclusive content for women, plus useful Women’s Web events and resources in your city.
Image Source: shutterstock
I am a mother of a baby boy, a management graduate and a multi-faceted professional mom making home a sweeter place to live in. read more...
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
I recommend reading Manjiri Indurkar's Origami Aai alongside her memoir to have a fulfilling and enriching experience of telling one's story with grace.
It’s All In Your Head, M famed author Manjiri Indurkar’s debut poetry collection, Origami Aai, is independent and yet an extension of her memoir in which she speaks with utmost grace about all forms of abuses that she has survived. In this book of intriguing and evocative poems, the poet weaves words to form images of the everyday life of her middle-class family, love found and lost, trauma, and healing.
The collection is divided into four segments, beginning with the family, slowly moving towards the world, and finally colliding them together.
We aren’t in mourning, but we are creatures of habit.
So we talk of each one who died of drowning,
and I listen to her stories with the patience
of a chronicler.
– Funereal Stories
When someone accuses you of "too much feminism", what they are really saying is, "I am uncomfortable with you challenging the status quo and disrupting my privilege".
Time and again, there is one phrase that keeps coming up in the social media discourse on feminism. Any guesses?
Ah, no prizes for guessing the infamous “itni bhi feminist” or “too much feminism” phrase, a classic eye-roller for me, and I am sure for many more of my tribe, in the realm of gender equality discussions.
Pray tell me, how can an ideology, a movement be too ‘much’? It’s not salt or the seasoning of your soup where you can go, “Oops, too much salt, only one spoon was required”. Either you stand for what feminism stands for, or you don’t.
Please enter your email address