As soon as our girls are a certain age, society pressurizes them into getting married. Isn't this to control women's sexuality?
As soon as our girls are a certain age, society pressurizes them into getting married. Isn’t this to control women’s sexuality?
Anjali is a 26 year old woman. She is guilty of being single, as she had crossed the ripe age of 26, and she is yet to get married. Her neighbors, friends, family and every other person, she knows, have the same question to ask, “When are you getting married?”
She just has one answer to give, silence.
She is 26. She will not find a good husband, if she delays her marriage. She is pretty. She is earning well. There is nothing more, in life. Her friends are married. Her friends have kids. Her juniors are married. She cannot bear kids after 30. People will judge her. People will judge her parents. She has siblings. Men in their late 20s prefer getting married to women in their early 20s. Your chances are dim, already. Getting married and having kids, should be the ultimate dream of every woman of her age. Sex is fun. Kids are fun. She will have a partner tending to her needs, when she is on her death bed. Her grandparents want to play with her great grandchildren. Her relatives will be happy to see her married. Her cousins have already decided what to wear for her wedding.
You are troubling everyone around. We think, you are stuck in an impossible affair. We think, you have some health issues. Confide in me, let us go to the doctor. You are lazy. You are arrogant. Younger girls are more sorted. The older you get, the more difficult it will be for you. We can hire a maid, if you are worried about doing household chores. You are not clever. Your parents are to be blamed.
I am capable, and I do not want to be pressurized. Marriage is a very personal choice. I understand that you are concerned, but your reasons for my marriage, don’t make a lot of sense to me. I agree that you have a few valid points. My reasons are very different, though. I have goals to achieve, and dreams to pursue, before I get married. Not all women want to get married, or have kids. Why did no one mention about the friendship and love, between a husband and wife. This is why, I do not trust you with my marriage. You people want me to have a wedding, followed by a couple of baby showers. I want a marriage, and I need time. I have a thousand things running inside my head. I will let you know, if I want to get married, and I will surely let you know, when I decide to get married. Don’t you dare speak about by upbringing, or my parents. They have raised a strong, independent woman, who is capable of making her own decisions. I don’t interfere in your personal decisions. I expect the same, from you. I understand that you love me, and I would appreciate it, if you support and respect my decisions.
If she speaks out her mind, the society will have a reply, for that too. “Your parents are to be blamed. So, when are you getting married?”
She understands her family, her parents and the society she lives in. She has her own reasons. She will get married, when she is ready. Do not make her feel guilty. She wilts every time, someone shoots this question.
So, what do you say about the curious case of if and when Anjali gets married?
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I could hear grandmother mumbling in the background, “I’ve served my family throughout my life. Never turned away from responsibility like this. She isn’t even going to work like Kala or Malathi. Why can’t she cook then?”
The breeze bullied the reeds forcing them to swish and sway to its vagaries, forwards and backwards, this way and that. Everything was as it had been yesterday and the day before. The cuckoo bird continued its ‘coo-coo-once-is-not-enough-here’s-another’, coo-coo call, pleased with its own poetics, its rhythm unfaltering. So much had transpired, yet nothing had changed.
The driver obliged and immediately stopped the bus for them. Many men got down. They shamelessly lined up just by the side of the bus and peed on the other side of the road.
I work in Pune. My family lives far away from me in a small town along the coast of Konkan. I get to meet them once every fortnight for which I have to take a nine-hour long overnight bus journey.
For every woman just stepping out of her teens, and entering her twenties, there is always a marriage clock that ticks right above her head. Can we ask parents to let us be true selves and not 'ideal' templates?
For every woman just stepping out of her teens, and entering her twenties, there is always a marriage clock that ticks right above her head. Can we ask parents to let us be true selves and not ‘ideal’ templates?
Before proceeding, I would like to let you all know that the points here are completely from my own experience. I am not being generic here – while there a lot of people are now changing their thought processes, there are some people/parents who don’t want to change their views.
From shaming women for choosing to be child-free (as trolling of movie Sara's showed) to offering freebies for 5 or more kids, Kerala's Catholic Church doesn't care for women's choice!
From shaming women for choosing to be child-free (as trolling of movie Sara’s showed) to offering freebies for 5 or more kids, Kerala’s Catholic Church doesn’t care for women’s choice!
Catholic Church in Kerala recently offered couples many incentives to have more than 5 children. A case of religion and patriarchy wanting to control women’s bodies and choice!