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I hope the relationship between my son and myself will be strong enough to sustain me emotionally in my old age, but also to give him a strong anchor in his life.
Whenever I thought of kids, I always hoped for a girl. Especially after marriage, my desire to have a girl increased manifold.
It wasn’t just a fantasy to dress her up or play with her. It was a dream. I wanted to raise a girl who is confident, independent, one who can either find a life partner of her choice or ask us to do the honors for her. A lady who will maintain her identity, stand by it, and defy all the patriarchal norms.
Needless to say, she will stand by her parents even after marriage and look after them just like she would be expected to look after her in-laws. But anyways, god had some other plans.
He gifted me a son and suddenly all my dreams looked frivolous.
I wondered – why? Why was I over assertive on having a confident girl and didn’t care about it when I had a boy? Why had I wanted to raise my girl to take care of me in old age but with a son, I should expect him to lead his own life without worrying about his aging parents? After all, a son isn’t my budhape ki lathi, that’s what everyone says these days. I shouldn’t tie him in my ‘cruel’ expectations and pull down his joys.
The definition of ‘budhape ki lathi’ has changed over the years.
Gone are the days, when aging parents felt financially insecure. Most of us have retirement plans in place, right from the day we start earning. So in all probability, at the time of retirement, we would be financially stronger than our kids (who would still be struggling to finish their masters by then).
So financial needs are taken care of. But what about the emotional needs?
My son is just 4 years old now and I have already started spending time with myself. My son is gradually becoming a little independent, so I have started developing my hobbies and interests (something that I can fall back on in my old age and fight the empty nest syndrome).
I devote a good amount of my time and energy into it. I have places to visit and I have friends to talk to. Yet at the end of the day, I feel tired and exhausted.
That’s when my son jumps in, kisses me good night and hugs me tight to sleep. My eyes with their dark circles sparkle at midnight. The tiredness withers away. The energy for the upcoming day is restored. And most importantly, I am instantly drifted into deep slumber without any sleeping pills or anxiety to sleep with.
Years down the line, most probably my son would be studying in a different city, separated by time zones. Yet every time I sit down for a meal, I will wonder whether my son had his tummy full khana or not. Every time I go to sleep, I will wonder how many hours of sleep my sonny boy is getting.
I value our relationship and will value it till the last breath. In my old age, all I would expect from my son is a little emotional support and I hope I can nurture a strong budhape ki lathi for myself.
I hope, I can inculcate the right values in my son from the beginning. I hope he grows up to appreciate the relationships and value them. I hope he grows up with a heart full of desires and follows his dreams, but that at the same time has a little space reserved for his relationships.
Relationships that will give him strength through the crests and troughs of life.
Relationships that will support him to achieve his dreams.
And relationships whose warmth will traverse the oceans and cuddle us both to a peaceful sleep.
Image source: shutterstock
I am a mother of a baby boy, a management graduate and a multi-faceted professional mom making home a sweeter place to live in. read more...
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"There is a story and a vision which makes us gravitate towards cinema. Even as we worked as assistants on ads, we realised that cinema was our true calling," say Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh Raseen.
The Railway Men. Mili. Cuttputli. The Diplomat. Bade Miyan Chote Miyan. And more…
Let me introduce to you the talented designer duo who have worked on these, and can be considered today’s upcoming costume designers for the screen. Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh.
Having studied at NIFT, Gunpreet Kaur Mann sent her portfolio out to several designers. Her first gig was as an assistant stylist with Manoshi and Rushi, who also happen to be a designer duo. She worked on an ad film starring Saif Ali Khan and eventually landed a full time job with designer Vikram Phadnis. Years of experience as assistant costume designer followed, which eventually led her to getting a break.
A ‘thank you’ makes a lot of difference in the way any woman in your life sees herself in your eyes. It might even mean the world to her.
I have not received any appreciation in the past. Probably never will. This is the experience of ample women across the globe. The expectation to be thanked for all the sacrifices she makes to keep others happy has faded. Yet the urge to hear few words of acknowledgement always lingers.
There is never a day when she pushes off her own burdens. She knows not to give up on people she loves. Women in general, are givers by nature and hence, give without asking anything in return. They have been the care givers and lovers since centuries however receive no appreciation.
It will mean the world to your mother if you answer her calls. If your sister seems lost give her a hug and assure her about her strengths. Tomorrow, there might come a day when you would have to make your daughter feel empowered with few words of wisdom every now and then. For the children to feel wanted and loved, you must be able to spare some quality time with your wife and be present in the moment.
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