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An abusive arranged marriage motivated by dowry - the self respecting woman in this story didn't stand for it and filed for divorce.
An abusive arranged marriage motivated by dowry – the self respecting woman in this story didn’t stand for it and filed for divorce.
The following is a true story, although the names of the characters have been changed.
“How much is your budget?” asked Mr. Prakash.
“I can arrange for 4 wedding functions, with an expenditure on arrangements amounting to 30 lakhs. Additionally I would give jewellery to my daughter worth 15 lakhs,” replied Mr. Kashyap.
Mr. Prakash: “Okay. We are very liberal people. We don’t believe in dowry. We just want grand wedding functions. After all, we have some status in society.”
Mr. Kashyap: “Yes, of course, it is our pleasure and pride.”
Mr. Prakash: “You could give 6-8 lakhs cash also, or a car. After all, it is for your own daughter. We are not those dowry types. We don’t want anything.”
This was the first meeting between Mr. Prakash, father of Akash and Mr. Kashyap, father of Kriya. Six months later, Akash and Kriya were married.
Akash and Kriya were the youngest in their family and had been spoilt badly. Kriya had to move cities and change jobs to join him but Akash and his family were brutally insensitive to what she was going through. While Kriya was trying to transform herself to a good homemaker and manage a new job in a new city, Akash was too oblivious to her struggles. He wanted a good-looking, presentable, intellectually stimulating and earning partner (the exact opposite of what his mother was) who should behave and treat him like his mother.
A man like Akash had never had a long- term relationship in life and was not capable of being in a marriage. But the advantage of arranged marriages is that everybody ends up getting married! Even people who would not even survive an entire date.
Akash was the youngest brother, who at an age close to 30, was showered with money from his elder brothers and parents, and in return he used to obey everything they said. Kriya practically got married to a 14 year old man-child.
The wife of Akash was also expected to be an obedient servant who would hand over her salary to her in-laws for providing her services. Her mother in law could have been a caricature like the evil, exaggerated ones they show in television. But she was not fictional. She was very much real, and unfortunately the dictator of Kriya’s life.
Akash and Kriya never got along. Akash, along with his parents and brothers abused her verbally throughout on her failure to be a the ideal bahu (doormat).
Kriya was not the subservient kinds and was vocal about what she felt was right. Akash who was initially verbally and emotionally abusive soon became physically abusive too. His family did not care about Kriya, but they were afraid that Kriya and her family could file a case of dowry and domestic violence against them at any time.
The family thought of a plan. They went out of their way to send their useless, good for nothing Akash to do a Masters in the US, hiding the plan from Kriya until the last minute. The first part of the two-fold plan was to leave Kriya all alone for a year and a half as a punishment. The second part was that if the couple gets settled in the US, Kriya who would have been miserable and alone for a year would become financially dependent, away from her support system of family and friends and therefore would break down and be easily controlled.
Kriya asked for a mutual consent divorce immediately. She did not file any criminal cases because Akash and his family had threatened to prolong the divorce process. She did not take a penny of alimony. While she was taking this step, people warned her that marriages are made in heaven.
Once she is married, no matter what, she has to make things work out. There is no other option. And how will becoming a divorcee help her anyway? She thankfully did not listen to anyone and was strong with her decision.
Kriya is divorced now. She is happy after getting rid of the garbage from her life.
Kriya’s marriage was not made in heaven. It was made by a Mr. Kashyap and Mr. Prakash whose conversation started with “How much is your budget?”. Mr. Prakash for whom his son was an investment, and his greed was a privilege he was not willing to forego. Mr. Kashyap was following tradition and was mentally prepared for this moment since 25 years ago when the doctor had announced “It’s a girl.”
Kriya did not get a penny of alimony. A lot of people think that women make a lot of money by way of alimony and men are disadvantaged to that extent. I would like to state for the benefit of everyone, that there is no such thing as an automatic alimony in a mutual consent divorce as per the Hindu Marriage Act.
Cases are filed, contested, and litigation goes on for years if there is no agreement between parties. A lot of women choose to walk out with zero alimony because they don’t want to prolong the litigation. They don’t care about money, and are just happy to get their life back.
Abusive men and their families can go to any extent and their life revolves around planning things to torture the victim and yet keep themselves secure legally. Please get out of such relationships immediately.
It is not worth it, even though the society may tell you that once married, you should “adjust”. You can choose to remarry or stay single, your choice. But why let yourself be treated this way and put up with such scheming and manipulative people who don’t deserve you?
Self-love is the most underrated love. We are never taught about it. It is something we learn when we live with people who are beneath humanity. We may not punish them legally. We don’t know if karma works or if God will ever punish them. But what we can do, is not punish ourselves.
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Published here earlier.
Image source: pixabay
I like to write about the problems that have plagued the Indian society. I feel that the concept of gender equality is still alien , and that has been the focus of my articles and posts. read more...
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Chetan Bhagat had no business slut shaming Uorfi Javed or any other woman. If he wants to 'guide' young men in the 'right direction' then he should take accountability for his words.
Chetan Bhagat, one of India’s bestselling authors, thought it was an ingenious idea to slut-shame Uorfi Javed, an Indian actress and influencer, at the Sahitya Aaj Tak literature festival.
“Phone has been a great distraction for the youth, especially the boys, spending hours just watching Instagram Reels. Everyone knows who Uorfi Javed is. What will you do with her photos? Is it coming in your exams or you will go for a job interview and tell the interviewer that you know all her outfits? On one side, there is a youth who is protecting our nation at Kargil and on another side, we have another youth who is seeing Uorfi Javed’s photos hiding in their blankets.”
Uorfi Javed responded with a video on her Instagram stories calling out Bhagat’s bluff. She shared the screenshots of his previous chat conversations with Ira Trivedi, author and yoga instructor, which came to light during the #MeToo movement.
While boys are taught to naturally own the space they enter, girls are taught to give up, to accommodate, to adjust since "it is their primary responsibility to keep families and relations together."
Yesterday, I was watching these 4 young girls around 16 – 17 years old play badminton. They were having fun, goofing around with all 4 of them equally involved in the game.
In some time two of their male friends joined them, and as part of round robin, the 2 boys replaced two of the girls. All good.
As the play continued, I started noticing a change in the way the game was being played. The shuttle was played most of the times between the two boys and there was a sense of competition and aggression brought in. The other 2 girls playing soon starting losing interest in the game as they hardly got any game time. Even if the shuttle came towards them, the boy in their team would move and play that shot. They soon moved to the sidelines as the boys continued to play.
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