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Arranged marriages have always been the norm in India, however it's time to ditch arranged marriages and give love a chance. Here is why!
Arranged marriages have always been a norm in India, but here’s why it’s time to ditch arranged marriages and give love a chance.
One prominent phenomenon that has been held superior by India like a trophy, is its foundation of arranged marriage and traditions that place faith in tying two individuals together. Hinduism alone portrays eight sorts of marriages. Among these, an arranged marriage is the most mainstream and supported method for choosing two human beings’ destiny.
Our great ancestors presumably decided to arrange their kids’ weddings with the thought that if they wed them into great families (though the qualities of a ‘great family’ largely stay vague till date), since great families are relied upon to deliver good children who are undoubtedly expected to make great spouses.The same age old logic applies for young women too.
While I am happy to be born in a country known for its holy people and saints, and my brain was completely loaded down with ethics and Hindu convictions at a youthful age simply like many other Indian Hindus, I was astonished when I realised the emptiness of our value system, supposedly praised by the entire world.
The ancient rationale has clearly failed to meet the needs of present day times. Recently, one of my buddies met (in fact it was a one-to-one interview) a potential family. The groom was bashful, with a delicate voice, and didn’t appear to think much about what was going on around. In India, a wedding is not about just cohering two souls, but more about establishing a bond between two families forever. Thus, parents play the role laying down all the standard procedures of marriage. His mom took her turn. She was truly something; an old, educated lady prepared to a great degree on what she really needed.
Here’s her prerequisite sheet that she shared:
Since the time she narrated to me the entire episode, I have been rooting out those damn ethics and qualities that we, as Indians, choke upon right from the day we are born. Where do those so-called traditional values exist in this entire business of marriage? Upon cautious investigation, you would understand that arranged marriages are definitely a minor business exchange. Yes, I mean it! For one, there is product of worth included – the husband to be. Two, cash trades hand; cash is given relentlessly by the lady’s family (once in a while, more than eight zeros). Thus, determined.
This is not a just a post about lighting a flare against arranged marriages or dowry. This is only one indication of how we have failed our own ethical value systems. Perhaps it’s the ideal time for all of us to act upon those morals that have been claimed lavishly and consider marrying not based on money or necessity for household services. May be, pop in love and compatibility for a change.
Cup, flowers and hearts image via Shutterstock
Originally published at author’s blog
Me, Vineela Krishtipati, a full time dreamer and a part time blogger. Born as an Indian girl, with a big passion for life and love.I believe that the real glitz and glam is putting read more...
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I huffed, puffed and panted up the hill, taking many rest breaks along the way. My calf muscles pained, my heart protested, and my breathing became heavy at one stage.
“Let’s turn back,” my husband remarked. We stood at the foot of Shravanbelagola – one of the most revered Jain pilgrimage centres. “We will not climb the hill,” he continued.
My husband and I were vacationing in Karnataka. It was the month of May, and even at the early hour of 8 am in the morning, the sun scorched our backs. After visiting Bangalore and Mysore, we had made a planned stop at this holy site in the Southern part of the state en route to Hosur. Even while planning our vacation, my husband was very excited at the prospect of visiting this place and the 18 m high statue of Lord Gometeshwara, considered one of the world’s tallest free-standing monolithic statues.
What we hadn’t bargained for was there would be 1001 granite steps that needed to be climbed to have a close-up view of this colossal magic three thousand feet above sea level on a hilltop. It would be an understatement to term it as an arduous climb.
Every daughter, no matter how old, yearns to come home to her parents' place - ‘Home’ to us is where we were brought up with great care till marriage served us an eviction notice.
Every year Dugga comes home with her children and stays with her parents for ten days. These ten days are filled with fun and festivity. On the tenth day, everyone gathers to feed her sweets and bids her a teary-eyed adieu. ‘Dugga’ is no one but our Goddess Durga whose annual trip to Earth is scheduled in Autumn. She might be a Goddess to all. But to us, she is the next-door girl who returns home to stay with her parents.
When I was a child, I would cry on the day of Dashami (immersion) and ask Ma, “Why can’t she come again?” My mother would always smile back.
I mouthed the same dialogue as a 23-year-old, who was home for Durga Puja. This time, my mother graced me with a reply. “Durga is fortunate to come home at least once. But many have never been home after marriage.”
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