It’s Time To Ditch Arranged Marriages And Give Love A Chance

Posted: July 29, 2015

Arranged marriages have always been a norm in India, but here’s why it’s time to ditch arranged marriages and give love a chance.

One prominent phenomenon that has been held superior by India like a trophy, is its foundation of arranged marriage and traditions that place faith in tying two individuals together. Hinduism alone portrays eight sorts of marriages. Among these, an arranged marriage is the most mainstream and supported method for choosing two human beings’ destiny.

Our great ancestors presumably decided to arrange their kids’ weddings with the thought that if they wed them into great families (though the qualities of a ‘great family’ largely stay vague till date), since great families are relied upon to deliver good children who are undoubtedly expected to make great spouses.The same age old logic applies for young women too.

While I am happy to be born in a country known for its holy people and saints, and my brain was completely loaded down with ethics and Hindu convictions at a youthful age simply like many other Indian Hindus, I was astonished when I realised the emptiness of our value system, supposedly praised by the entire world.

The ancient rationale has clearly failed to meet the needs of present day times. Recently, one of my buddies met (in fact it was a one-to-one interview) a potential family. The groom was bashful, with a delicate voice, and didn’t appear to think much about what was going on around. In India, a wedding is not about just cohering two souls, but more about establishing a bond between two families forever. Thus, parents play the role laying down all the standard procedures of marriage. His mom took her turn. She was truly something; an old, educated lady prepared to a great degree on what she really needed.

Here’s her prerequisite sheet that she shared:

Girl should get up at 6 and start cooking, since her son is an IT professional and of course, will have lunch.
The girl should bring loads of money as an added attraction.(Dowry was clearly masked in words as we don’t need anything, but you ought to offer a sufficiently large sum. A small query: Who literally likes giving their well deserved cash away to another person?).
Girl should be capable enough of doing household work, ignoring the idea of hiring a maid, citing budget as a concern.
Girl ought to welcome their relatives yet not her’s. (Another funny thing, even now trying to make sense of what it implies).
Girl should give her entire salary to her husband, hence proving our Indian society is a patriarchal one with males controlling the income of the family .

Since the time she narrated to me the entire episode, I have been rooting out those damn ethics and qualities that we, as Indians, choke upon right from the day we are born. Where do those so-called traditional values exist in this entire business of marriage? Upon cautious investigation, you would understand that arranged marriages are definitely a minor business exchange. Yes, I mean it! For one, there is product of worth included – the husband to be. Two, cash trades hand; cash is given relentlessly by the lady’s family (once in a while, more than eight zeros). Thus, determined.

This is not a just a post about lighting a flare against arranged marriages or dowry. This is only one indication of how we have failed our own ethical value systems. Perhaps it’s the ideal time for all of us to act upon those morals that have been claimed lavishly and consider marrying not based on money or necessity for household services. May be, pop in love and compatibility for a change.

Cup, flowers and hearts image via Shutterstock

Originally published at author’s blog