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Dear Future Mother In Law, I Am Sure We Can Work Towards A Really Good Relationship

Posted: October 25, 2016

A mother in law need not be an adversary as popularly supposed. There can always be an amicable, even loving relationship, if only both sides work at it!

Dear Future Mother in law,

Hi! I hope you are fine, fit and healthy wherever you are. I am in no hurry to meet you for next two or three years. I am busy focusing on my career right now and want to establish myself before I meet you and your son.

However, I am also really excited for the fact that I will get to live with you. You know, I have always heard girls complaining about how much of a ‘pain-in-the-ass’ a mother in law can be. Sorry about using such words. But that’s how they say it.

Yes, they complain and always complain about their respective moms-in-law. They also say that the second most dangerous word after bomb is mother in law.

The picture of you that all this has created in my mind is of a woman who never smiles. That you are the most difficult person to live with. That you demand and always demand, and you moan. That you are the most irritated person ever. That you deliberately create problems in life. AND MUCH MORE!

Can you be that evil?

I DOUBT IT. I also respectfully disagree.

First of all, you have always been the boss of the house. So there is no way I can expect to handle that responsibility as soon as I am there. So I should not expect to be the queen of the house at once, and at the same time you should not demand that I would learn everything immediately. I will have to learn and for which I might trouble you again and again. We will have to patiently deal with this home handling situation.

Secondly, you and I may have a fallout. You and I may not agree on certain things. We may not talk for days. But that does not mean I hate you. You should also not call my parents or relatives or anybody and complain about me.

Sometimes, I do have small arguments with my mom. But I don’t go out and speak ill of her and make her the villain of my life. I won’t ever do that to you too.

Thirdly, I feel that by tagging our relationship with the word in law, we automatically create a gap between us. I don’t want us to be separated by the term in law. I want you to be my mom like my own mom with whom I can share anything and everything.

I want to be a daughter who knows what you expect, what you want and what you need. I want to have a bond with you, so that when I come to you feeling sick or low, you comfort me with your care and put me to sleep.

Also I expect you to encourage me in my career like my mother has been doing all these years or like you have been doing for your son. I don’t want you to get influenced by people saying daughters in law should stay at home and that they look good only while taking care of the household chores.

I am not saying that I will not take care of the house or the family. I will definitely give my 100% to the family. But I also expect you to understand that I am an ambitious woman with some dreams.

Lastly, let’s be a team and turn the heads around towards us.

I hope this all come true.

See you in some years.


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  1. Ha ! Ha! This is how matrimonial ads should sound (not that is what you are intending to do, I know!) I wish women would write their own matrimonial where they clearly state their intentions and areas that are negotiable vs. non-negotiable. In-laws too must be wise to seek less external (nonsense) criteria/expectations from a girl. They must understand that they alone cannot want/demand/expect various unlikely/unreasonable qualities and sacrifices from the bride-it works both ways. Both parties to a marriage proposal must be reasonable and more clearly, both must state clearly what steps they will take to meet each other half way, like this post so beautifully does. Life is a lot about compromise, yet it can be a win-win for both parties concerned, if equality and justness is the common goal. Very nice, middle-path kind of a post Naseem!! I hope some sensible, wise moms/men read this post and waits 2-3 years and sends you their proposals. They won’t regret it !! (wink!)

  2. Haha!!! Hi Sonia, if not through matrimonial, women must speak their mind and heart before getting married or even after. I am sure it is not that bad as it is portrayed.

  3. I share a very good bonding with my mother in law. Ofcourse some time we have some arguments and fights, but then that’s totally fine for me, as the same used to happen with my mom as well.

  4. Exactly Mitali. Mom in laws can be just moms too…:)

  5. Hi Manisha, very well said. Lets just be positive about this too like everything else.

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