Over the years, your support has made Women’s Web the leading resource for women in India. Now, it is our turn to ask, how can we make this even more useful for you? Please take our short 5 minute questionnaire – your feedback is important to us!
With the changing times, many mothers-in-law want to be more supportive of their daughters-in-law, but still fear, "What will people say?"
With the changing times, many mothers-in-law want to be more supportive of their daughters-in-law, but still fear, “What will people say?”
A girl that is an acquaintance is very cool with her in-laws, so cool in fact that when she got married she decided to call them Uncle and Aunty rather than the popular norm of calling in-laws as ‘mummy ji or papa ji’.
She does not hesitate to address them this way, whether in public or private and is very clear on the subject. Her husband is also totally cool with it; understanding the discomfort or disconnect she feels. Can’t say how happy her MIL is with her decision but I guess since her son is fine with it, so must be the MIL.
Any self respecting Mother-in-law (MIL/Saas) in India would rather gag than admit that even though she calls her Daughter-in-law (DIL/Bahu) a Daughter (Beti), she also tells her that she has to behave like a Bahu and not follow the Beti of the house.
Do not wear clothes like her,
Do not shop like her;
Do not party like her;
Do not live like her;
Do not work like her;
Your work is not important enough; my daughter is doing a very important one.
The ever increasing pressure is being felt by the MIL (Mother-in-law) also and she constantly reminds her DIL (Daughter-in-law) that ‘we never had it so easy and relaxed’. As if she is trying to justify her relaxed behavior a bit grudgingly and is not totally cool with it. More often than not the MILs suffer due to the comparison and discussion with their friends and the tips they get from them. They feel guilty if they are being helpful and supportive of the DIL and angry if others point it out.
A rather popular poem has been doing rounds on the Internet and Whatsapp which propelled me to pen my thoughts……….
Mother vs. Mother-In-Law (MIL):
Mothers are upset if their call wakes you up;
MILs are upset if they find you sleeping,
Mothers ask what you’ll have for breakfast;
MILs ask what you’ll make for breakfast;
Mothers will hide your faults;
MILs will tell them to all;
Mothers will first ask about you;
MILs will ask about everything but not about you.
Mothers are great at doing things for you;
MILs are great at delegating things to you.
Mothers will appreciate the little you do;
MILS will complain about the little that’s left to do.
Mothers are happy when you buy something new;
MILS will frown at every expense you do.
Phir kehti hain, mujhe Mummy bulao… (Then they say, call me mummy.)
The time to embrace a daughter-in-law as the most important member of the house is now; the changing times and all the progress, freedom and options available to a woman can benefit us only if we strive to work together.
Often it is a woman who causes rifts and arguments in the house and it is she who can repair it. To rise above the famous, “what will people say?” and to just follow her heart. To soar to uncharted avenues, ace the difficulties and take her family along. After all she is the lady of the house and the Dil (heart) of the house.
Pic credit: Bill Dickinson (Used under a Creative Commons license)
Inderpreet Kaur Uppal is an author and freelance editor for fiction and nonfiction based in Gurgaon, India. She is a post-graduate in human resources management and has worked as a lecturer for management, corporate read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
I was so engrossed in looking after my daughter, being both a mom and dad for her, that I myself no longer existed...
Being a single mother, my world revolves around my daughter.
Whatever people may say, the bond that exists between us is very different from a regular mother-daughter relationship. Navya, my daughter is the reason I am alive today.
This statement may sound cliched, but that is the biggest truth of my life. She is the reason I stopped myself from jumping off a local train years ago. The fact that she was growing inside me, that tiny speck of tissue in my uterus, had the strength to twine around my legs and hold me inside the train.
Alia Bhatt is pregnant and happy about it - it's not our job to accuse her of 'trapping' her partner into marriage or shaming her for the timing of it.
When Alia Bhatt announced that she and her partner, Ranbir Kapoor, were expecting a baby, all I could feel was joy. As a person who has been in awe of Bhatt’s acting skills and dedication, this news genuinely made my day.
However, the joy was soon replaced by anger and frustration when I read the first few comments (from certain unverified Instagram handles) on her pregnancy post. Here are the exact words of those who felt it was okay to question a woman’s choice:
“Baby k liye saadi kiye ho ya saadi k liye baby?” (Did you get married because of this baby or did you get married to make babies?)