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With the changing times, many mothers-in-law want to be more supportive of their daughters-in-law, but still fear, "What will people say?"
With the changing times, many mothers-in-law want to be more supportive of their daughters-in-law, but still fear, “What will people say?”
A girl that is an acquaintance is very cool with her in-laws, so cool in fact that when she got married she decided to call them Uncle and Aunty rather than the popular norm of calling in-laws as ‘mummy ji or papa ji’.
She does not hesitate to address them this way, whether in public or private and is very clear on the subject. Her husband is also totally cool with it; understanding the discomfort or disconnect she feels. Can’t say how happy her MIL is with her decision but I guess since her son is fine with it, so must be the MIL.
Any self respecting Mother-in-law (MIL/Saas) in India would rather gag than admit that even though she calls her Daughter-in-law (DIL/Bahu) a Daughter (Beti), she also tells her that she has to behave like a Bahu and not follow the Beti of the house. Do not wear clothes like her, Do not shop like her; Do not party like her; Do not live like her; Do not work like her; Your work is not important enough; my daughter is doing a very important one.
The ever increasing pressure is being felt by the MIL (Mother-in-law) also and she constantly reminds her DIL (Daughter-in-law) that ‘we never had it so easy and relaxed’. As if she is trying to justify her relaxed behavior a bit grudgingly and is not totally cool with it. More often than not the MILs suffer due to the comparison and discussion with their friends and the tips they get from them. They feel guilty if they are being helpful and supportive of the DIL and angry if others point it out.
A rather popular poem has been doing rounds on the Internet and Whatsapp which propelled me to pen my thoughts……….
Mother vs. Mother-In-Law (MIL): Mothers are upset if their call wakes you up; MILs are upset if they find you sleeping, Mothers ask what you’ll have for breakfast; MILs ask what you’ll make for breakfast; Mothers will hide your faults; MILs will tell them to all; Mothers will first ask about you; MILs will ask about everything but not about you. Mothers are great at doing things for you; MILs are great at delegating things to you. Mothers will appreciate the little you do; MILS will complain about the little that’s left to do. Mothers are happy when you buy something new; MILS will frown at every expense you do. Phir kehti hain, mujhe Mummy bulao… (Then they say, call me mummy.)
The time to embrace a daughter-in-law as the most important member of the house is now; the changing times and all the progress, freedom and options available to a woman can benefit us only if we strive to work together.
Often it is a woman who causes rifts and arguments in the house and it is she who can repair it. To rise above the famous, “what will people say?” and to just follow her heart. To soar to uncharted avenues, ace the difficulties and take her family along. After all she is the lady of the house and the Dil (heart) of the house.
Pic credit: Bill Dickinson (Used under a Creative Commons license)
Inderpreet writes for her love of writing, edits manuscripts and reads endlessly. An authors' editor with a decade of experience, she provides manuscript critique, linguistic editing, substantive editing and developmental editing for fiction and nonfiction. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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