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I’ll Like To Decide For Myself When The Time Is Right, Thank You Very Much!

Posted: February 19, 2017
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Things should happen only at the right time – for you. You decide the what, when, how, of your life. No one else should do it for you.

There comes a phase in everybody’s life where you find the outside world more concerned about you, than you are for yourself. While your mind may already be filled with the ifs and buts of life, the unwanted advice and suggestions from every so- called ‘well wisher’ and acquaintance, only adds to the clutter inside your head. The result? No prizes for guessing, an overwhelming chaos in your mind!

Once you get beyond the ’25’ age limit of settlement, concerns from nowhere start pouring onto you. Specially in India, where there is a preset deadline for every life event to occur, the moment you miss your pre-designated ‘age’, you become the centre of interest!

According to the Indian norms of having a successful life, there are three main areas to be accomplished to be labelled as settled:

  • Education – Get a valid degree! Preferably in Engineering or Medicine. Any other field is an area of concern for ‘settlement’.
  • Employment – Get a job! Of course you need one for your bread and butter.
  • Marriage – Get married at the ‘right’ age. Otherwise there is something wrong!

Now let’s look at some of the key points to be checked off your life checklist to be considered well settled’. Mind you, there is much more to accomplish here:

  • Exceptional Income– Having a job doesn’t guarantee great income. Make sure you end up in a job with a fat paycheck!
  • Property– Having a good house and a car. Also, having the same in a foreign country can mean exceptionally well settled.
  • Children– Nobody is ever well settled without having children. ‘Married with kids’ is the most common notion to be considered well settled.

Now that you’re familiar with the basic norms of leading a happy and successful life according to an average Indian, you are expected to ‘plan’ your life accordingly. If one of the above criteria for settlement is left incomplete, trust me, you’re screwed!

First and foremost, you unintentionally start becoming the biggest worry of your parents. Not because they can’t wait for you to succeed/settle, but because they can’t answer every Tom, Dick and Harry who raises concerns about you. A clear example of societal pressure.

Second, you start feeling ashamed of yourself for being questionable. As people who were nowhere to be seen till this point, suddenly start inquiring about your attitude towards life.

Look at your friends! They are racing ahead with their careers. What are you up to?”, questions one of your dad’s friends, who claims himself as your well wisher.

Once you’re sure of what you want to do and work towards it, you start feeling a sense of relief for being on the right path. Then comes your aunt! A distant aunt, who hasn’t seen you for over a decade, nor has inquired about your well being all these years. She is suddenly very much interested in your wedding. She advises your parents from her ‘experience’ that missing the age-limit might diminish your chances of finding the bride/groom you deserve!

It’s high time you get married!”, she suggests. She is clearly unaware of what you’re going through, nor is bothered about your intentions.

Ok, so when the right time comes, you get married. You are happy to have found your partner for life and start basking in the glory of being newly wed. It doesn’t take long for your neighbours who come over for a cup of coffee, to start rubbing in their recommendations!

Now start planning for kids, before your biological clock starts ticking!”, they warn.

The chaos gets worse if you fall into the female of the species, as there are stricter deadlines and age limits for everything. Before you realize, your life is being planned and judged by a third person, who will never appear at the time of need in the future.

Life events aren’t always meant to happen as planned. There are many unexpected events and turns life offers you, that can never be planned. Easy said than done. Neither the well wisher uncle nor the distant aunt realize your effort being put into getting your dreams accomplished. They are neither a part of your journey, nor will they ever be!

Life happens at it’s own pace and it differs for each one of us. The right things happen to you at ‘your’ right time. May be following the herd just for the sake of getting a job at the right time isn’t your motive. You may be dreaming and working for something greater and better! Getting married just because all your friends around are getting married or because your aunt is suggesting, might turn out to be the biggest mistake of your life! Not having children when the society expects, will not fail you to become a mother!

You will be offered with everything that is right for you when the moment is right, when you have the need to accomplish, when you have the strength to sustain and when you have the capacity to maintain.

Until then, enjoy this time of being the source of gossip for jobless aunties and uncles around you.

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Published here earlier.

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Srujana Kavoori

Srujana Kavoori

A software solutions specialist by profession, trying to rekindle long lost love for writing and art. Firm believer in self love and continuous learning. An opinionated introvert with a great inclination towards gender equality and mental health.


Author's Blog: https://aurawithwriting.wordpress.com

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4 Comments


  1. Brilliant post!! If only we had grandparents and parents and adults like you to advice children and young adults when we were young…sigh…things would be so different today for society and its individuals! May your tribe of self assured, self confident and wise young adults (esp women) multiply a hundred fold Srujana!

    • Srujana Kavoori

      Thank you very much for your thoughtful and encouraging words Sonia! 🙂 I sincerely hope and wish people today, especially women don’t fall prey to societal pressure. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

  2. excellent post.. not only for women.. for men also it’s the same … right things happen at right time.. for each person it’s different..

    • Srujana Kavoori

      Yes! Men are equally questioned about their paychecks, jobs, marriage. Societal pressure can make any of us victims. We just need to wait for the right time rather than make wrong decisions in haste that are regretful. Thank you so much for reading and glad you liked it!!

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