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Interfering in others' lives is considered normal in Indian society. Here are 5 reasons for having a baby Right Away that I've been given!
Interfering in others’ lives is considered normal in Indian society. Here are 5 reasons for having a baby Right Away that I’ve been given!
Are you newly married? If yes, then you’re lucky for a while, but not for long. But let’s just say you’re married for 2 years now. I’m sure you must be bombarded with a lot of unsolicited advice about taking a step ahead in your life – starting your own family and having a baby.
I am married for 3 years now and will celebrate my 4th anniversary this year in October. I’ve been asked by many when I shall be taking that big step, and given many reasons why I should, some of them really strange!
In the first place, I feel, who are you to tell me about how to go about things in life? Especially a thing as personal as this? And this comes from a set of people with whom I barely talk, we hardly communicate and know each other. We don’t know each other and here you come, unabashedly giving all the not-so-required suggestions. And the nosy relatives! Why can’t they mind their own business?
Making a baby takes time and effort. Start now. So once, we wanted to buy some furniture for my MIL’s room. And after scouting a number of shops, we finally found the right shop and the right piece that we were looking for. This took 2-3 days, visiting a couple of shops and finally placing the order at the right shop. After signing the deal, on our way to home, I was really happy and relieved that we could finally make the choice and was pondering about the same while driving.
And while on the way, I also learnt from my MIL that just the way it took so much effort for us to find the right furniture, it will surely take a bit time and effort to make a baby! I mean what logic is this? Or maybe the logic is correct, but what timing was that? We were talking about furniture and then automatically the entire topic now shifted towards family planning!
Means of filling up empty time. One Sunday evening, while watching a movie together with family, during a break, my husband A asked if we could go to the mall to buy some stuff. Now one thing with A, is that he can’t shop during sale period (and it was sale period then). Also, when the place is too crowded, he’s not able to shop again. He would move around, look up some stuff but won’t buy, because the place is stuffed with too many people. And that was the reason I was a bit reluctant to go.
His parents asked him what he wanted to buy, to which he casually replied, nothing specific, just general time pass. We were anyway home, watching TV all day, so it would be a bit of change.
To this we get to hear, that we should surely have kids now, so that we’ll not get bored and won’t do unnecessary time pass! While they as well have nothing to do most of times! So having a baby would resolve lot of things! Again, what he proposed and what answer he got were two completely unrelated things.
You have time this year. Next few years will be too busy. Let’s just say, no one is getting married this year, so that’s the best time to have a baby. Because next year X may get hooked up, the year after that Y and then Z. So there will be no time later. But this year looks completely free and empty. How about filling it up with a baby?
Well, how about completing it with yearly goals, learning a new thing, excelling in work, increasing the number of work hours so that there’s no time at all to get bored?! Just because no one is getting married or there are couple of weddings lined up next year, therefore this year is the best to have a bun in the oven sounds completely absurd to me.
Everyone else is having kids. Because you were the first one to get married and now your friends have started having kids, though they got married after you! Is it a competition of ‘who makes baby first?’ that is going on? Had that been the case, A said, marriage wasn’t the thing that was required. Babies could be made out wedlock as well! (Oh I am so glad he backs me up every time this topic comes up).
Your biological clock is running out. Because before 30, you should have two kids with a minimum gap of three years between the kids and you are already running out of time! Du-uh! I am 27 and I have ample amount of time! And who said we want two kids?
I know it’s an important part of life and I’ll do it only when A and I feel comfortable about this. Other than us, I don’t think anyone has got any right to decide, pester and lecture us about it every other day!
How about eating good food, hanging out with friends, partying occasionally, working hard the whole week while relaxing and chilling on Sundays? All of these sound great to me. As of now. It may get changed later, of course.
What do people say to you? Do they bug you with such inquiries and unsolicited advice? Do you answer back right away? Let me know if you do, because I really need some new answers and I might just use yours.
Published earlier here.
Image source: annoyed woman by Shutterstock.
Teacher by profession, child at heart. Blogger. Dreamer. Free spirited. Compassionate. Mystical. Music Lover. Die hard Romantic! Love to voice out what's inside and give wings of freedom to my opinions. read more...
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If you want to get back to work after a break, here’s the ultimate guide to return to work programs in India from tech, finance or health sectors - for women just like you!
Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend related to personal financial planning and she shared how she had had fleeting thoughts about joining work but she was apprehensive to take the plunge. She was unaware of return to work programs available in India.
She had taken a 3-year long career break due to child care and the disconnect from the job arena that she spoke about is something several women in the same situation will relate to.
More often than not, women take a break from their careers to devote time to their kids because we still do not have a strong eco-system in place that can support new mothers, even though things are gradually changing on this front.
A married woman has to wear a sari, sindoor, mangalsutra, bangles, anklets, and so much more. What do these ornaments have to do with my love, respect, and commitment to my husband?
They: Are you married?
They: But You don’t look like it
Me: (in my Mind) Why should I?
Why is being married not enough for a woman, and she needs to look married too? I am tired of such comments in the nearly four years of being married.
I believe that anything that is forced is not right. I must have a choice. I am a living human, not a puppet. And I am not stopping anyone by not following any tradition. You are free to do whatever you like to do. But do not force others. It’s depressing.