Aunty From The Corner Of The Street Strikes Again!

The aunty from the corner of the street? The one who douses you with unsolicited advice every time you see her and whom if you are oblivious to only if you are living under a rock? She strikes again!

The aunty from the corner of the street? The one who douses you with unsolicited advice every time you see her and whom if you are oblivious to only if you are living under a rock? She strikes again!

“They’re married for what? It’s almost an year already! And still no baby sound? What the hell!?”

“Don’t the in-laws need a baby to play with? They’re getting old too!”

It was the very perfect way to begin an awful Monday and I was never more thankful to the aunty from the corner of the street. When every Tomelina,Dickina and Harriet from the street talks of babies or God-forbid, even baby ringtones, the Aunty from the corner of the street (let’s call her AFCOS) waggles her thick gold-ring-wearing index finger and shakes her head pathetically, from side to side, saying: “That shorts-wearing girl with short hair in the brown house is setting a bad example to all the kids in the street by not having a baby immediately after marriage! Arre! It’s been a year now na? What English-vinglish talking and hair cutting and shorts wearing after marriage? Hey Bhagwan, the Kaliyug has begun!” Then begin the infamous one liners: “Oooh,” “Oh my God,” “maybe that’s why her husband looked sad yesterday?” “I won’t let my Prita talk to her anymore,” and “She’s a bad egg alright!”

I am a bad avenger and an even worse listener so I let it pass almost every single time, because hearing gossip about how I must give birth to a “playmate” for my in-laws is so not my thing. But on days like Mondays when you have nothing better to do, I sometimes tune in and genuinely “listen” to scraps of conversation across the street and it makes my day. Seriously! Well, whoever coined the term “grapevine” was so very accurate. The vines always let sunshine in and bad air out. Never tightly woven, never solidly shut out from the rest of the world and that’s what I love about my ever so sweet AFCOS! She always knows I know and it keeps her happy.

So talking of AFCOS’, have you ever been constantly probed for not having a bundle of joy, as immediately as the in-laws and AFCOS would like you to have, in contrast to doing it in your own planned time? If yes, join the club comrade. I tip my imaginary hat in solemn salute. I feel you and hope you grow stronger guts and wider palms to defend your womb, which has been the target of so much speculation and unrest, at least once in the span of the constant jibber jabber. Because talking back, helps, sometimes.

But my AFCOS is the uniquest of the lot. She does not like women who defend their wombs and pride. If you do, she will show you her ugliest face and expand your publicity beyond the semi-harmful gossipers of your area. You’ll be spoken of with mock sympathy and pity in marriages, school PTAs, mehendi functions, birthday parties, hospital visits, house warming parties and temple poojas. You’ll be burnt alive and roasted with the skin on in christening functions, holy communions and anything and everything that includes a select horde of kids screaming their heads off.

So comrade, if you can relate to the above said miseries, then listen on. Here’s what you MUST do.

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  1. Hang a AFCOS warding charm or pendant at your door.
  2. Always wear fully covered clothes that will never quite reveal how big(or how small) your tummy is.
  3. Pinch your husband every time he stops flashing a huge grin in front of all AFCOS’.
  4. Never wear T-Shirts that say stuff like “Why buy a dog, clean the poo, why have a baby…..”
  5. Never fail to keep an eye on AFCOS at public parties and functions, most importantly when she’s with her faithful group of “friends.” And when they trail their eyes from your smile to your belly, put your hand inside your top and make a squiggle motion and yell “Yaaay a babbbyyyyy!!!”

Or not.

Image via Shutterstock.


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