Why Do I Need To Be Married To Be Settled?

Posted: April 26, 2016

Why does a woman have to be married to be settled? What is wrong in being an unmarried woman having a fulfilling life?

Two years ago all I wanted was to be married and settled. Yes, settled. The “me” of then really thought settled meant husband and babies.

Alas, I refused to be part of the charade – well needless to say was rejected, or better to say I was considered an outcast from my society, as I refused to agree to paying a dowry. Who gets married without dowry that too to an NRI groom?

My near and dear ones still think I live on Cloud Nine and once I fall I will realize my grave mistake. The list includes not only blood relatives, but neighbors as well.

It was heartbreaking at first. I was torn between desire to be a good daughter and sister, and to be myself. There is a social taboo that says if the elder sister is unmarried, the younger sister will find difficult in getting hitched.

And oh before I forget, let me say that I am supposed to live in the era of feminism. I am supposed to live in the era of free speech and gender equality. I am supposed to live in a modern friendly society!

Let me tell you where all this is leading – it all it should have been a pleasant experience for a 30 something me when I recently purchased two bedroom flat.

However I was wrong.

In a recent Society meeting every one present asked my husband’s name and email id! They wouldn’t believe it when I told them I was unmarried. I had to stress that “I am not married/ NEVER been married!” All the people there were all in the same age group as me; hence not even generation gap issue.

It does not affect me at an emotional level but at an intellectual level, I still find it difficult to understand society’s preoccupation with MARRIAGE!

Life is beautiful these days. Indeed it is true that experiences makes us who we are. From a depressed struggling individual to successful business woman today, I strive hard to seek answers which still haunt me.

What is marriage?

Is it a compulsion or is it a choice?

Is it a safety vault where girls can secure their life?

Is it a license to have sex?

Is it union of two body to become one soul?

Is it being settled ?

Is it permission to procreate?

Is it a guarantee of happiness?

I am not against marriage. I am also not a rebel. I believe in love.

I am thirty something woman. But yes I am woman with dreams. Woman with hopes. Woman with desire. Woman with a heart full of compassion and love.

A woman who is still figuring out the answer to the question when asked, “Why are you still not settled?”

Image source: annoyed and baffled woman by Shutterstock.

Founder@AngeTactile ( Angel Touch). Tarot Card /Angel Card reader. Image Consultant An Engineer by Education,

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  1. Oh come on….shut off your ears from any unnecessary comments and walk with your head held high.
    You HAVE taken the right step and feel happy about this. I am also not against marriage, but as you have asked rightly, is it really need to be forced, especially on girls. It is always that the woman ‘wants’ marriage and the man ‘loves to stay non-committal’…give me a break, then why are some poor boys’ parents lining up the matrimonial sections trying to find ‘my fair lady’ for his darling betas…if it is a need for both, then let us not say that the woman is dependent on the man, but that both are interdependent on each other as partners for life.
    You have got a lovely house and capable of standing on your own legs is truly a blessing….hats off to you, and cherish every moment of your life, because ‘u 2 have only one life to live’ just like any other human in this world….
    All those who talk about marriage as ‘sanskar’ are saying these words only to the women….if men also belong to this country, then why not tell them too….that sanskar means:
    1. not smoking or drinking
    2. wearing indian ethnic clothes
    3. celebrating festivals in the house by decorating it and doing puja and not going to pubs….
    4. Suggest the boys’ parents to teach them not to trouble ANY outsiders, so that crime caused by men can come down….

    All the best and succeed in life, so that there will be many women who will soon follow your foot steps….

    • Glad to read your views.Thankyou for the encouraging word!

    • Prerna chhetri -

      Follow your heart and don’t bother about the crap 🙂 Various people – various talks/opinions and its difficult to change them at once but if they pass unnecessary comment then one really need to put their point and shut them off:) This can definitely bring a jerk to them 🙂

  2. Very true. If you are not married people ask about your happiness levels and why you wear bindi. Some more sensitive once hide their kids from you. All this seems so funny.

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