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Many women still persist living in broken relationships, following society’s dictum of get married, stay married, instead of breaking out to find their happiness. Why, asks the writer.
This New Year started with a chance encounter with an old friend. This friend, working in media was looking for views on marriage and asked me, “Why do you think women stay on even when their marriage is loveless?”
The question stumped me a little, I asked her if she meant an abusive relationship but her reply was negative. She was asking why educated, smart, intelligent and independent women who due to various circumstances were trapped in meaningless marriages do not get out. They have no love left for their spouse and most probably this feeling is mutual, yet they would not try and find true happiness, and instead stick it out.
This talk led me to contemplate. I have seen examples of the kind of relationship she spoke about and realised that it was true. Though unhappy, quite a few of my friends were living through marriages which had lost their sheen after first few months. The reasons varied from practical to bizarre.
One lady stuck it out for the sake of her daughter. She had tried separation for a brief period of time, but the emotional trauma of her child was unbearable for her. So she reconciled with her husband.
Another girl had stuck out in her marriage for the sake of her unmarried younger sister. I had tried to reason out, that divorce was not genetically determined. Just because her marriage didn’t work out, didn’t mean her sister was tarnished by her. Unfortunately, I was proven wrong as it seems these questions were asked while arranging a marriage through traditional routes.
However the most unbelievable reason was given to me by someone who is a financial secure and extremely successful career woman settled abroad. She said that her younger sister was divorced and if she also broke her marriage, her parents would be shattered. Living in a small town, they would become the topic of vicious gossip and would not be able to live it down. This left me speechless.
It didn’t matter how much advancement we had made in Science and Economics, singlehood of a woman was still frowned upon. We are in the so-called modern era, yet we are stuck in backward times where status of women is concerned. Even now, if a marriage has broken it is somehow considered to be woman’s fault. And she is looked upon as someone to be pitied. She may be successful, smart and probably happy leaving a dead relationship behind, yet the society will frown upon her and also colour her family with the same brush of disapproval.
I would suggest, let them, it is your life that you need to live. It is important for you to be happy in it. If some people have nothing better to do but pry in other’s affairs, they deserve pity not you.
Image source: couple having difficulties in a relationship by Shutterstock.
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