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Soon well-meaning nudges turned to nasty personal questions. Was there something wrong with one of us? Was it financial issues? Were we heading for a divorce?
I am a woman who has just touched 40 and have been married for the past decade. Just like most young girls, I also dreamt of white picket fences, a loving husband, two adorable kids and a dog. While I managed the first, we decided not to add the next two.
In the beginning it was because we both were busy with our careers and later because we felt the world was already over–populated. While we were happy and at peace with our decision, our relatives, friends and society were not.
It’s true that becoming a parent is probably the greatest joy in the world, but in my case I told was it was the very reason for my existence. If I was not a mother, what was I? My identity as a daughter, wife, sister, friend, employee and contributing member of the society were all meaningless if I did not meet the basic need of procreation.
A few years into the marriage, we were barraged by all and sundry to quickly have kids. Soon well-meaning nudges turned to nasty personal questions. Was there something wrong with one of us? Was it financial issues? Were we heading for a divorce? The fact that we did not wish to enjoy parenthood was not understood at all.
However, my objective here is to not justify my decision but give some sage advice to all young girls who are married or about to get married and it comes from personal experience.
Yes, motherhood is filled with joy and is magical. But, please do not have a child if:
Having a kid is a huge responsibility fraught with responsibilities that do not end. Once you become a parent, you do not get holidays, off days, or sick leaves. In the beginning, the little bundle of joy will need you 24X7. Later, as he or she starts to grow up they need you for mental and emotional support which you must provide lifelong.
No, I am not trying to scare you or sell motherhood short. All I am saying is that, please have a kid, only if and your partner are sure you want to add to your family. Then try your level best to bring up a well-balanced individual who is level-headed and can take critical life decisions in a logical way. Follow the same decision making process when pressure starts mounting for a second kid.
Always remember it is you who will be the centre of universe for the little life you bring in, not the second floor aunty who will ask, “Arrey, abhi tak bachcha nahi hua?” (Why don’t you have a child yet?)
Image source: a still from Qarib Qarib Singlle
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Stop glorifying biological parenthood - other methods of growing a family are just as valid, and completely a couple's choice, especially of the woman whose body goes through pregnancy and birth.
Stop glorifying biological parenthood – other methods of growing a family are just as valid, and completely a couple’s choice, especially of the woman whose body goes through pregnancy and birth.
Trigger Warning: Contains derogatory remarks about having a baby through surrogacy or any means other than giving birth through biological means, and may be triggering, especially to adoptive parents.
Recently Priyanka Chopra Jonas announced parenthood by surrogacy. This has once again sparked the debate about ethical surrogacy, which is a discussion for another day.
Arathi Rajagopalan, founder of 'House of Kalart', talks about thinking like a designer & transitioning to thinking like a business owner.
Excerpts from an interview with Arathi Rajagopalan, founder of ‘House of Kalart’ – a fusion jewellery label that merges global aesthetics and traditional craftsmanship.
When did you start ‘House of Kalart’ and what was the intention?
I started House of Kalart in 2017 as a venture where painting, drawing and embroidery are married with metalsmithing to create well-handcrafted fashion jewellery. Along with painting and styling, the venture aims to create a holistic fashion experience for a bold and dramatic woman!” As a child, I had always been fascinated by arts and crafts.
My 'tomboy' behaviour was called a passing phase till I finally came out and identified myself as a non-binary, gender-fluid person.
My ‘tomboy’ behaviour was called a passing phase till I finally came out and identified myself as a non-binary, gender-fluid person.
“Aunty, people around branded me as a tomboy,” said my friend’s daughter. Here is why she said that…
“On turning ten, the number of skirts, frocks, and other dresses in my closet started dwindling. In a declaration of my unique identity, demands for more T-shirts and shorts started increasing. According to Merriam-Webster dictionary a tomboy is a girl who behaves in a manner usually considered boyish.
Sexuality of women is denied in a country obsessed with virginity. Isn't it inhuman to have them wait till they get married to have sex?
Sexuality of women is denied in a country obsessed with virginity. Isn’t it inhuman to have them wait till they get married to have sex?
Author’s Note: Priya di and I were flatmates until she got married. She was someone we all ran to for advice and someone we all looked up to. I went to meet her after her marriage and this was her confession, as we sat in her well mowed lawns drinking tea. This is published with permission.
I was born and brought up in Chandigarh. My father worked for the Govt. and my mother was a school teacher. If I look back now it was a great childhood.