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Soon well-meaning nudges turned to nasty personal questions. Was there something wrong with one of us? Was it financial issues? Were we heading for a divorce?
I am a woman who has just touched 40 and have been married for the past decade. Just like most young girls, I also dreamt of white picket fences, a loving husband, two adorable kids and a dog. While I managed the first, we decided not to add the next two.
In the beginning it was because we both were busy with our careers and later because we felt the world was already over–populated. While we were happy and at peace with our decision, our relatives, friends and society were not.
It’s true that becoming a parent is probably the greatest joy in the world, but in my case I told was it was the very reason for my existence. If I was not a mother, what was I? My identity as a daughter, wife, sister, friend, employee and contributing member of the society were all meaningless if I did not meet the basic need of procreation.
A few years into the marriage, we were barraged by all and sundry to quickly have kids. Soon well-meaning nudges turned to nasty personal questions. Was there something wrong with one of us? Was it financial issues? Were we heading for a divorce? The fact that we did not wish to enjoy parenthood was not understood at all.
However, my objective here is to not justify my decision but give some sage advice to all young girls who are married or about to get married and it comes from personal experience.
Yes, motherhood is filled with joy and is magical. But, please do not have a child if:
Having a kid is a huge responsibility fraught with responsibilities that do not end. Once you become a parent, you do not get holidays, off days, or sick leaves. In the beginning, the little bundle of joy will need you 24X7. Later, as he or she starts to grow up they need you for mental and emotional support which you must provide lifelong.
No, I am not trying to scare you or sell motherhood short. All I am saying is that, please have a kid, only if and your partner are sure you want to add to your family. Then try your level best to bring up a well-balanced individual who is level-headed and can take critical life decisions in a logical way. Follow the same decision making process when pressure starts mounting for a second kid.
Always remember it is you who will be the centre of universe for the little life you bring in, not the second floor aunty who will ask, “Arrey, abhi tak bachcha nahi hua?” (Why don’t you have a child yet?)
Image source: a still from Qarib Qarib Singlle
My first book - Second Chances has just released and is present on all online book stores. Do pick up a copy to read about the adventures of a novice ghost. read more...
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I wanted to scream with excitement that my daughter chose to write about her ambition and aspirations over everything else first. To me, this was one of those parenting 'win' moments.
My daughter turned eight years old in January, and among the various gifts she received from friends and family was an absolutely beautiful personal journal for self-growth. A few days ago, she was exploring the pages when she found a section for writing a letter to her future self. She found this intriguing and began jotting down her thoughts animatedly.
My curiosity piqued and she could sense it immediately. She assured me that she would show me the letter soon, and lo behold, she kept her word.
I glanced at her words, expecting to see a mention of her parents in the first sentence. But, to my utter delight, the first thing she had written about was her AMBITION. Yes, the caps here are intentional because I want to scream with excitement that my daughter chose to write about her ambition and aspirations over everything else first. To me, this was one of those parenting ‘win’ moments.
Uorfi Javed has been making waves through social media, and is often the target of trolls. So who and what exactly is this intriguing young woman?
Uorfi Javed (no relation to Javed Akhtar) is a name that crops up in my news feeds every now and again. It is usually because she got trolled for being in some or other ‘daring’ outfit and then posting those images on social media. If I were asked, I would not be able to name a single other reason why she is famous. I am told that she is an actor but I would have no frankly no clue about her body of work (pun wholly unintended).
So is Urfi Javed (or Uorfi Javed as she prefers) famous only for being famous? How does she impact the cause of feminism by permitting herself to be objectified, trolled, reviled?
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