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Soon well-meaning nudges turned to nasty personal questions. Was there something wrong with one of us? Was it financial issues? Were we heading for a divorce?
I am a woman who has just touched 40 and have been married for the past decade. Just like most young girls, I also dreamt of white picket fences, a loving husband, two adorable kids and a dog. While I managed the first, we decided not to add the next two.
In the beginning it was because we both were busy with our careers and later because we felt the world was already over–populated. While we were happy and at peace with our decision, our relatives, friends and society were not.
It’s true that becoming a parent is probably the greatest joy in the world, but in my case I told was it was the very reason for my existence. If I was not a mother, what was I? My identity as a daughter, wife, sister, friend, employee and contributing member of the society were all meaningless if I did not meet the basic need of procreation.
A few years into the marriage, we were barraged by all and sundry to quickly have kids. Soon well-meaning nudges turned to nasty personal questions. Was there something wrong with one of us? Was it financial issues? Were we heading for a divorce? The fact that we did not wish to enjoy parenthood was not understood at all.
However, my objective here is to not justify my decision but give some sage advice to all young girls who are married or about to get married and it comes from personal experience.
Yes, motherhood is filled with joy and is magical. But, please do not have a child if:
Having a kid is a huge responsibility fraught with responsibilities that do not end. Once you become a parent, you do not get holidays, off days, or sick leaves. In the beginning, the little bundle of joy will need you 24X7. Later, as he or she starts to grow up they need you for mental and emotional support which you must provide lifelong.
No, I am not trying to scare you or sell motherhood short. All I am saying is that, please have a kid, only if and your partner are sure you want to add to your family. Then try your level best to bring up a well-balanced individual who is level-headed and can take critical life decisions in a logical way. Follow the same decision making process when pressure starts mounting for a second kid.
Always remember it is you who will be the centre of universe for the little life you bring in, not the second floor aunty who will ask, “Arrey, abhi tak bachcha nahi hua?” (Why don’t you have a child yet?)
Image source: a still from Qarib Qarib Singlle
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People have relationships without marriages. People cheat. People break up all the time. Just because two people followed some rituals does not make them more adept at tolerating each other for life.
Why is that our society defines a woman’s success by her marital status? Is it an achievement to get married or remain married? Is it anybody’s business? Are people’s lives so hollow that they need someone’s broken marriage to feel good about themselves?
A couple of months ago, I came across an article titled, “Shweta Tiwari married for the third time.” When I read through it, the article went on to clarify that the picture making news was one her one of her shows, in which she is all set to marry her co-star. She is not getting married in real life.
Fair enough. But why did the publication use such a clickbait title that was so misleading? I guess the thought of a woman marrying thrice made an exciting news for them and their potential readers who might click through.
Imposter Syndromes is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt and feelings of intellectual fraudulence. There are 6 types of Imposter Syndrome.
Do you tend to be overly critical of yourself? Don’t worry, you are not alone.
Even after writing eleven books and winning several prestigious awards, Maya Angelou doubted that she had earned her accomplishments. Albert Einstein also described himself as an involuntary swindler whose work did not deserve the attention it had received.
Feeling inadequate, unworthy, and undeserving of success, along with the fear of being exposed as a fraud, is called the imposter syndrome.