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She’s A New Mom, Just Drop Your Judgements About Her

Posted: November 1, 2019

The moment a woman births her baby, the judgement from the society begins, whether it is over breastfeeding or diapers. Here’s how a mom deals with it!

Note: This is not a fictional post. I have penned down whatever I faced and am still facing as a new mom. Further, I have also included experiences of my close friends (whatever they told me)

This post is not to blame or judge anyone. I wish to share certain issues which most new moms face. If you are still interested, please continue reading.

At least one baby boy?

When my twin girls were born, I was told by many that if I had at least one boy baby, it would have been good. I always tell them that I am elated to have my little angels with me. What surprised me more was that even so-called highly qualified people differentiated between boys and girls.

However, I understood that certain people are wired like that and it is very difficult to change them.

Leave the Breastfeeding to me

I strongly feel that it should be the new moms who decide what to feed their babies instead of others deciding for them. It is high time that society stops judging mothers based on their decision to breastfeed or not.

Let me start with my own experiences. The second day after my twins were born, a close relative of mine asked me to stop breastfeeding since I didn’t have enough milk to feed both the babies. When I heard that, I asked her to mind her own business and continued feeding the twins. I wasn’t ready to stop without even trying.

After a day or so, slowly, my milk supply increased and I have been breastfeeding them even now at eight months. I also give them formula milk.

Another thing is that every time one of my babies cries, some family member comments that it is because the baby is hungry. I am constantly told that I don’t have enough milk for my babies. And each time, I reply that there are several other reasons for the baby to cry, other than hunger. I also tell them that as a mother, I know when they really are hungry.

I wasn’t the only one attacked

One of my friends, also a new mom, was advised by a close family member to stop breastfeeding despite her good milk supply. When she asked for a reason, she was told that her baby is thin due to the milk. My friend replied that her baby’s weight is good according to her doctor and not to interfere in this matter.

Another friend had a low supply of milk and she consulted doctors and lactation consultants for the same. Even after several efforts, her milk supply didn’t improve and she started giving her baby formula milk. She is being criticised for this by everyone.

She is managing this as she is mentally strong. But, at times, she used to feel bad. I tell her that she is the best mom and not to listen to others.

Given above are some of our experiences. I really can’t understand this – A new mom is criticised for both breastfeeding and not breastfeeding.

Many persons are trying to influence a new mom and trying to make her feel guilty at whatever she does. I feel that she should be mentally strong and believe in herself fully to overcome this situation. I accept it’s hard but definitely doable. My personal opinion is that all decisions regarding a new born baby are to be taken by a mother.

Why are you not using cloth diapers?

I am using diapers for my girls from the day they are born. Following are the questions that I am generally asked by many.

Why are you not using traditional langots? Langots are only good.

Oh my God! Poor babies. You are torturing them by putting diapers 24/7.

Why are you not using cloth diapers?

Diapers you use are costly. You are wasting money.

You are spoiling your babies skin by using this.

Your babies will not be comfortable due to this. They can’t raise their legs.

No need to change diapers once in 4 hours. Don’t apply any creams.

I am not against using traditional langots. However, I feel it’s difficult to manage with langots for my twin babies. I don’t have any nanny or caretaker for my babies. As I manage alone, I use diapers. I am not a Super Mom and if you feel I am lazy, I really don’t care.

Also, I know what’s good for my babies. I am taking utmost care and I regularly clean them before changing to the next diaper. As a mother, I am very careful about this and I also apply creams to avoid rashes.

Regarding cloth diapers, I haven’t thought about it yet. I am not sure whether I will use them or not.

I am not wasting money. For me, it’s a necessity for my babies. Judge me if you want. Anyway, are you paying for my babies’ diapers?

For the last few questions:

My babies are comfortable with diapers. I am taking care of their skin. They are very active and they can raise their legs well. I change diapers at regular intervals and apply creams as prescribed by doctors without fail.

People will constantly judge you

Earlier whenever I was bombarded with questions, I felt like I was judged for using diapers. But I realised certain people will blame and make me feel guilty in whatever I do. Now, I am least bothered and I do whatever I feel is best for my babies.

There are some close family members who ask these same questions every day. They don’t understand my practical difficulties. I told them to manage my babies alone for just two hours without diapers. They became tired changing langots continuously for two babies and accepted that it is difficult.

After that incident, they stopped questioning me.

But still they judge me and tell others behind my back that I am a lazy mom. Now, I don’t care about others because I know I am doing what’s best for my babies.

A version of this was first published here.

Picture credits: Pexels

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