I am not recommending this for everyone, but this is my belief. I am grateful for the help of my in-laws or parents, but I don’t wish to fully rely on others for my children’s care.
I live in a joint family and take care of my twin 1 year old girls; I strongly feel that my husband and I are primarily responsible for raising my girls and not others, and that grand parents should never be considered as baby sitters.
If grandparents do want to take care of the kids, it should be completely their choice, and they shouldn’t just do it due to compulsion, expectations, or any other reasons.
I resigned my job when I got pregnant with twins. After my twins were born, I had a conversation with my in laws. I told them clearly that I know it’s difficult at their age to take care of kids and I suggested hiring a nanny full time to help me, but they were not happy with the idea and did say that they will help me with whatever they can… so I dropped it.
However, whenever my in-laws aren’t available, my husband and I take care of the kids, and when my husband is busy with his job, I manage them up alone.
I don’t expect my in-laws or my parents to take care of my kids, so, I am not affected if they aren’t available. I don’t know whether I will go to back to my job again, and I’ve decided that even if I do so, I would prefer to hire baby sitters and not to burden their grandparents.
I do all my kids-related work, and they too help me whenever I am in need of it. But I have told them that they are always free to make their own plans in their retired life – Be it a visit or stay at their other son or daughter’s place any time, or to go to any pilgrimage tour whenever they wish so. There is no compulsion to stay with us always to take care of our kids. They can always opt out of this whenever they feel worn out or need a change.
I believe that due to these lack of expectations regarding child care, there aren’t many misunderstandings between us. I have my own way of raising my kids, and they also don’t feel tied up with more responsibilities. I am grateful for their help, but I don’t wish to fully rely on others for child care.
Author’s note: I have written what I feel about this topic. Everyone is entitled to have an opinion and this is mine. I would like to know what you think.
A version of this was first published here.
Image source: shutterstock
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