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My Scars Of Infertility May Have Healed After My Twins, But Ever So Often, They Still Hurt

Posted: December 18, 2019

After a woman is married, according to society, the obvious next step for her is to have children. But what if she can’t? The author shares her story of infertility

I had my twins after seven years of marriage and I am ever so grateful to God for answering our prayers. And I thought a lot before writing this post. I want to be honest and I am expressing my raw feelings. Neither am I going to edit this nor do I wish to sugar-coat my words.

As a person who experienced infertility, I ask myself, whether I am happy after having my babies. Yes, I am definitely happy, but I still have the scars due to my infertility.

I am unable to forget and forgive the way this society treats people, especially women, who are yet to have children.

What triggered it?

So, what triggered my hurt feelings again? I recently saw a friend and she shared her problem with me. She has been married for nine years and is criticised by her family and society for not having a child. When she told me her problems, I saw myself in her. It was like rubbing an old wound and yes, it still hurts.

I was working full time after marriage and several people said that I was postponing having children for my career growth. It was my choice to work and I don’t think it was wrong. But in my case, it’s not true.

I was bombarded with questions from relatives. While I was initially polite with them, I started answering back when they didn’t stop. And thus, I was labelled egotistical. There even were a few people who told me that I was being punished by God for answering back to the elders.

Then there were also some younger relatives who had children first. Now these people behaved as if they had the right to boss over me and started lecturing about having children. Most of the time, I was strong when I heard all these comments from friends, family, colleagues and even strangers. But there were times when I did break down.

Society treats infertile women wrong

The way this society treats a woman for being childless is very harsh and brutal. It has to change and I don’t know when people will stop interfering in everyone else’s lives.

They fail to understand how they hurt a woman’s feelings. I ignored many of them for the peace of my own mind. And I decided to stay away from negative and toxic people.

I buried my emotions and spent time with few who really cared for me accepted me for who I am. It helped a lot in my journey. They say time heals most of our sorrow. But I have realised that even some scars cause pain.

Some of you might think that I am being immature and it’s time for me to move on. Yes, I am trying, but when I see another woman suffering like I did, it is difficult for me to let it go.

When will the scars of infertility fully disappear? What do you think about this?

Please comment your views.

A version of this was first published here.

Picture credits: Pexels

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