Years Of Body Shaming Made Me Question Myself & My Worth While Hating My Body!

For years, I was shamed for my bust size, and was made to feel it was my fault. But not anymore! Now I know I am perfect the way I am!

Body shaming is one of worst form of mental harassment that is usually faced by women. There is a set concept of the ‘perfect woman’ that all women must conform to or be ready to be verbally badgered. It does not matter if you have a certain body type or a hereditary disease, if you don’t fit the approved framework, it is somehow your fault.

I am one of the ‘lucky’ women who are endowed with a 36C size bust line, but it took me 40 years to accept and love my body. Ironically, I did fit the coveted Barbie doll body type and was made to feel guilty about that.

I was constantly ridiculed for my body

As soon as I hit puberty and started developing a bust, I was made conscious about it. Most girls are confused about the changes in their body at the age of 12- 13. It was worse for me as I was an early bloomer and therefore ridiculed by my friends.

Most days I was reduced to tears by their comments and constant barbs. I started wearing two school shirts to hide myself. My mother helped me through this stage, making me understand that the changes were happening. However, she wasn’t aware of the trauma I faced at school and at the hands of my cousins.

It reached a stage where I started to hunch to hide my body. The neighbourhood aunties didn’t help, either. They would shake their heads while telling my mother, ‘Isn’t she growing up too fast!’

And it just got worse in college

College years weren’t any better. Young boys would whisper about me. I would hear laughter when I walked by, making me feel like a freak. So, I resorted to wearing loose clothes and no make-up to attract almost no attention attention, but that didn’t help. I felt like I had been cursed.

And I remember one time when I met some girls at an event and we were discussing college and boys. There was this one catty girl who said to me, ‘I am sure you have no trouble finding boyfriends thanks to your bra size!’ The others started laughing while I stood there, aghast.

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This made me question myself. Was I going to be attractive to men only because of my bust and because I was smart or charming? I started doubting any boy who showed any interest in my, effectively killing every chance of romance.

So most of my young adult life was spent feeling like I’d done something wrong and my bust line was the price I had to pay. I started exercising to lose weight, became anorexic and was still unable to shed this ‘extra’ weight that was frustrating me.

It took me years to understand that I am perfect just as I am

It took me years of understanding, healing and counselling to recognise that this was not my fault. I was made the way I was and it was perfect. With this acceptance, came the ability to ignore the hurtful comments and remarks that are still hurled at me sometimes.

But I also gained a deeper insight. Those who commented on me did so, not because of my drawbacks, but their own insecurities. For them, every woman is too fat, too thin, too flat, too busty, too fair, too dark and the list goes on. There is no pleasing them. But is there a need to please them?

We were all made a certain way for a reason. Till we don’t accept it, the battle will continue. Unfortunately, the media has made body shaming a way of life. It has popularised a certain body type, skin tone and features, and those who do match it are committing a cardinal sin.

The only way to fight body shaming is to ignore it but most importantly never resort to it. It can leave deep scars on a person’s soul which takes years to heal. Would you want to be responsible for inflicting such a wound?

Picture credits: Still from Amazon Prime series Four More Shots, Please

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