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“Boys will be boys”. This is a phrase I have grown up with, every single day of my life. But in my life, I have found that all men do not behave this way.
“You shouldn’t show skin, because boys will be boys.” “He cheated on her. He is a boy after all!” “He said things about her that he shouldn’t have. Boys…”
I’m fed up with this mindset, where day in and day out we now talk of men like talking of sharks- that bite at the faintest scent of blood, who have no control over what they do, and have significantly gone back in evolution.
By normalising bad behavior, these sad excuses for human beings take center stage, putting an entire chromosomal type to blame. Soon people who had done nothing wrong began apologising for the ones who had. They too were tricked into believing that there was something inherently wrong with the entire gender.
The need to punish and shame the actual wrong doers is paramount for this very reason – because I have found that not all men fall under this noxious category.
Google the words “Men will be men” to look at the context that they mean it in. Not one picture puts them in a good light. You will even see a picture of a baby boy reaching out to a woman (with her cleavage exposed), with these words written beneath. Men who behave in this way are the ones who need to be ashamed of themselves…They have set a standard so low for people to achieve, that they need to lose touch with humanity to reach to a place where a child’s innocent behaviour gets sexualised.
‘Man enough’ is always associated with aggression and sexism, and vulnerability and kindness is said to be feminine; but if feminism is about equality, this is something that needs to be talked about too. Because I have come across men who were not examples of toxic masculinity.
From the stranger who waited with me at 3am on a lonely road until my father came to pick me up because the bus had dropped me at a point where it usually doesn’t, to my friends with whom I can have actual conversations with, more human to human than girl to boy, irrespective of the time; the ones I respect aren’t the prototype men that they try to sell as brands – these good human beings are all around me. I don’t need to search through history books for them. They are here.
When girls are taught that they forever will be the damsel in distress, boys are taught that they have to be strong because ‘mard ko dard nahi hota’.
Yes, there are people who believe that intentions have the power to change with the position of the sun – that a setting sun can mean a significant drop in moral standards. Like a girl texting at night could mean so much more than just that. This narrow minded thought process isn’t reserved for men alone. There are women who think this way too. Small minds are not gender specific.
The fact is that if men are like the ones the advertisements and media project them as, the fight would have been between men and women. Now that we know better, the fight is against these moulds that we are expected to fit into; the fight is between equality and inequality .
The fight is to be honest to what we are, to be more human.
Published here earlier.
Doctor, ambivert. Her voice stutters; her pen doesn't . read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
It is shameful that in today's world too, women are abused and even killed for giving birth to a girl, and the infant's life is also of no value.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, suicide, and violence against women, and may be triggering to survivors.
I am so glad that the esteemed courts are now giving the much-required verdicts regarding certain ideologies that were not at all entertained earlier. I mean we all have studied this much biology at our school level and it is our duty (our generation) to educate our elders about it.
Why someone have to lose a life to bring such awareness to the society. Delhi High Court gave this judgement concerning a case that filed by the deceased daughter’s parents against her in-laws. She committed suicide as she was harassed and tortured for dowry and giving birth to two daughters.
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