Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
A telling account of the madness associated with matchmaking in India, the loss of self respect it causes, and what should be done about it.
A telling account of the madness associated with the Indian matchmaking process, the loss of self respect it causes, and what should be done about it.
I could not think of calling the whole ‘matchmaking thing’ anything other than a circus. Perfectly sane and educated people can start behaving like morons, the minute their son or daughter needs to find a match for marriage. I have had the dis-privilege (is there an antonym for privilege?) of witnessing a few matchmaking events closely and here are some observations:
All brides have to be fair, tall, thin and convent educated. A cursory glance at any matrimonial site will tell you the extent that this madness for beauty and perfection has reached. Of course, if you can speak English with a neutral or better still a ‘phoren’ accent, thats even better.
If the bride is not very ‘good looking’ or not very ‘fair’ , then to secure a match, the father has to be seriously loaded. He should be able to gift a flat, a car etc – after all, the guy is marrying a girl who is not the epitome of beauty and for carrying out this onerous task, he needs to be compensated adequately.
People who wax eloquent on equality (we don’t believe in caste system, etc) and engage in philosophical discussions on how ‘beauty should be skin deep’, actually don’t mean a word of what they say. The hypocrisy of our society is at its blatant best here. Well, if this is what you really intend to do, please stop pretending otherwise.
The boy’s family has first rights on the girls CV and photo. Once they are satisfied , they will share details of their gem of a son. After all, ‘ladke wale hain‘, so clearly the girl’s family is in greater need. There is no question of equal exchange of information.
The girl has to be young, preferably less than 25. It doesn’t matter if the man is 35, balding and pot bellied. He is financially well settled and from a good family, so he does have a right to look for a young girl. After all, marrying a girl ten years your junior are some of the perks of being rich.
After being paraded in front of several people and being asked personally intrusive questions and then rejected repeatedly, the girl’s self esteem takes a serious blow. Constant rejection may even lead to severe depression. The society may start viewing the girl as a failure for not being able to get a suitable match by her late twenties.
Girls start hitting the gym to lose weight so that they can find a good match. Now, staying fit for the sake of fitness is great but for finding a match is lame – it’s like a shopkeeper polishing his goods in the morning to make them look more attractive.
I once told my mother in law that I need to loose weight and frankly, I was startled to hear her response. She said – “Sure, try to lose weight. But how does it matter now, you are married, you have a kid?” Wow, being married with a kid is now the official license to be fat and unfit.
The girl’s parents are looking out only for IIT/IIM educated guys and ‘eklauta ladka‘ or ‘only son’. In fact, if the guy does not have parents and was air dropped from heaven, that’s even better! The guy is looked at as an ATM whose sole purpose in life is to provide financial security.
Now, please don’t get me wrong. I am absolutely not against the institution of marriage. However, there has to be a mature and healthy way of finding a match. I want to ask our Indian parents one question: If you educate your children and expect them to act responsibly in other facets of their life, why can’t you trust them with the most important decision of their life?
Perfectly capable women are subjecting themselves to this humiliation. Women who might be making decisions worth millions at work or running a business are reduced to dimwits when it comes to the question of marriage. Shame on you for treating your daughters as objects. Please empower and allow them to make their own decisions. Let them find love on their own and trust them to be responsible.
I would also request men and women to not allow yourself to be objectified and demeaned. Please walk away from this madness with your self respect and dignity intact.
I have a son, not a daughter, but I take a solemn oath to never subject anyone’s daughter to this. The only thing I would do is to educate and empower my son so that he is capable of taking good decisions.
Become a premium user on Women’s Web and get access to exclusive content for women, plus useful Women’s Web events and resources in your city.
Image source: wikicommons
An HR professional by qualification, have worked for close to 10 years now across Pharma and IT sector, voracious reader and writer at heart. Married, and mother to a 4 year old. I love to read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
"There is a story and a vision which makes us gravitate towards cinema. Even as we worked as assistants on ads, we realised that cinema was our true calling," say Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh Raseen.
The Railway Men. Mili. Cuttputli. The Diplomat. Bade Miyan Chote Miyan. And more…
Let me introduce to you the talented designer duo who have worked on these, and can be considered today’s upcoming costume designers for the screen. Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh.
Having studied at NIFT, Gunpreet Kaur Mann sent her portfolio out to several designers. Her first gig was as an assistant stylist with Manoshi and Rushi, who also happen to be a designer duo. She worked on an ad film starring Saif Ali Khan and eventually landed a full time job with designer Vikram Phadnis. Years of experience as assistant costume designer followed, which eventually led her to getting a break.
A ‘thank you’ makes a lot of difference in the way any woman in your life sees herself in your eyes. It might even mean the world to her.
I have not received any appreciation in the past. Probably never will. This is the experience of ample women across the globe. The expectation to be thanked for all the sacrifices she makes to keep others happy has faded. Yet the urge to hear few words of acknowledgement always lingers.
There is never a day when she pushes off her own burdens. She knows not to give up on people she loves. Women in general, are givers by nature and hence, give without asking anything in return. They have been the care givers and lovers since centuries however receive no appreciation.
It will mean the world to your mother if you answer her calls. If your sister seems lost give her a hug and assure her about her strengths. Tomorrow, there might come a day when you would have to make your daughter feel empowered with few words of wisdom every now and then. For the children to feel wanted and loved, you must be able to spare some quality time with your wife and be present in the moment.
Please enter your email address