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Why Does A Married Woman Become An Outsider At Her Parents’ As Well As At Her Inlaws Place?

A married woman needs support from her parents and parents-in-law too in case of relationship problems. Why does this often not happen?

Once a girl turns 21 yrs of age our Indian parents start thinking about their daughters marriage. By the the time the girl completes her education and tries to explore a career her marriage gets fixed.

Marriage is one of the biggest dream for a girl. I know it’s a dream for a guy to settle down too, but nothing much changes in his life apart from monetary responsibility and marital status. But for her the whole world changes starting from her name, her identity, family, career in some cases. Everything from A to Z changes and she is ready to face this side of world leaving everything behind .

There are two types of marriages – love marriage and arranged marriage.

In case of love marriage against parents’ wishes it’s difficult to get back the parents’ trust or lean back on them during turbulence in marriage. Though in 90% of the cases the husband and wife sync with each other as its their love towards each other which resulted in this marriage. There are exceptional cases when the partners don’t sync after their marriage too.

In arranged marriages it is not in between two people but it is in between two families. For two different individuals, it always takes time to sync, and sometimes life gives us the worst choices to choose from. If you both can handle the problem cleverly in between yourself it is good. But there are cases when the girl’s world turns upside down due to mental torture by the husband, or too much involvement of other people in her married life, etc. Where should she go ?

Can she just run back to her parents house and say she doesn’t want to live with him anymore?

No, right?! Her parents most of the time try to convince her by saying,“beta you should adjust dear, now that is your family, he is your husband, think about your future, your kids future,” etc.

COMPROMISE is one word which they keep uttering in her ear. “There is a limit for everything mom and dad! I am fed up with all these crap. I have never seen this type of life before.”

Can she just complain to her inlaws that your son in not treating me well?

This one also they don’t believe because their son is a gem to them and we girls do not have  tendency to complain about each and every small issue to them from starting. They do not know what is going on inside the room between the couple. Even if you tell they don’t believe in most cases because they have to support their son! It’s their family pride.

Only the daughter in law is wrong here. Parents ask her to compromise and carry on, inlaws don’t believe her words.

To whom should she tell her sorrows?

Whom should she consider as her family during this painful depressed period?

Her husband may be a good son, good brother, etc. but if he is not a good husband and is torturing her mentally where is the proof to prove his physic behavior?

To all the parents and the inlaws

Please listen to what your daughter or daughter in law says when she is really having some problem in her life.

No girl wants her marriage to end because of silly reasons. That is why she will not complain to you each and every time her husband fights with her.

You can’t say it’s your life and family matter and you  should patch up among yourselves. The matter must have become worse. She must have tried her best. Things must have gone out of the limit – that is the reason she came to you for advice.

Leaving the marriage is not the solution to this problem but sit and listen to both the parties and find out a solution without bias.

Inlaws dear, don’t put blame without knowing the truth on anybody. If you can’t solve the matter don’t make it worse by your assumptions.

We want our marriage to work by hook or by crook, we came to you as it has gone out of proportion. If you guys can handle it intelligently, great. Else your son’s marriage will only become messier.

And to all the women out there …

Don’t depend on anyone … Try to be independent especially financially.

Don’t leave your career for your family, strike a right balance between work and life.

Do not enter into parenthood if you both are not sure about your relationship. It will unnecessarily complicate your life.

Image source: Shutterstock.

I am a stay at home mom of a 3 yr old girl, I have

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  1. Very good points made here. Both arranged marriages and love marriages need lots of work and effort to be successful but they can be very meaningful,supportive and offer unmatched companionship too. It is important individuals know this fact BEFORE they marry. Each individual (not the parents) must know themselves and what they are looking for in a marriage BEFORE they marry. They must be able to mutually communicate these and also be willing to accommodate each others needs right from the start. Without this marriages will flounder and cause deep pain to those in it. The old ideas of unequal partnership in marriage are redundant especially when both partners are confident/educated/earning. The filmi notions of eternal and often materialistic romance we are fed by the media are absolutely rubbish and cause more confusion especially to young couples who haven’t experienced the world. Pre-marriage counselling should become more of a norm before marriage and post marriage counselling too can help couples with a more suitable set of guidelines appropriate to the modern times.

  2. Whatever written is one side of a coin there is another side also where a girl can ruin the peace in the family and can make it hell for both husband and inlaws.You cannot always blame inlaws and husband it also depwnds upon the girl if she wants to accept certain things or want to ruin the relation.I myself being a girl agree to your article but we often give benefit of doubt to girl and family but coouldbe other way round also.Think neutrally by not getting biased..

  3. Kindly suggest , if a women is victim of brutalities . with two kids, now independent , have parents moral support.

  4. Hi Shilpa, i read your article and the comments that have been already posted. As a women, can relate to the feelings too. Every relationship in life gets a bit complicated when one gets married and i feel it’s for both sides, though yes more for a girl as we are more emotional and want all relationshipa to be at peace and at all times. I feel that when one wants parents to be involved, the cancer in the marital situation may hv been getting advanced to a crucial stage and hence parents shud not just think about what society will say, but shud think practically for the betterment of both kids. And yes, having kids in such worse times just with a hope to calm situation is a stupid advice and step. It will not only worsen the situation in hand but also will be injust to the little one who will become the dump bag of ur emotions. Great piece of emotions!

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