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A heartbreaking personal account of a bad marriage in the third person, this author asks if she was wrong in some way to stand up for herself. What will you tell her?
There is this guy roaming around freely who considers his own marriage as something to be ticked off a checklist. For him, his wife is just an option whereas everything else in the world becomes priority. He considers himself a perfectionist while he is actually nowhere near a perfect husband.
His wife’s main aim is to reach to his expectations; that too not in a career or something which gives both value. Only his expectations about keeping the house clean and cooking good food. He is never satisfied with what she has been doing for the past seven years, and the only answer he gives is: I can’t see any effort made, there is zero percent improvement .
She has tried and tried but never got the status of a ‘wife’. She has just became the ‘kaam wali’ (housemaid) of the house and the ‘raakheil’ (keep) of this monster.
On top of this, there are his parents who think they have raised a wonderful son. Maybe he is a good son and good brother, but sadly, he is not a good husband. As the relationship between both was so delicate from day one thanks to the family members’ behaviour, all the people in the world took advantage of it. This poor girl tried to make things work but this guy never trusted her, and has given the reason that she is not carrying out her responsibilities properly.
Everyone will forget that there is a daughter in law at home or a wife at home while taking decisions because she is just an option. But all will remember her if she doesn’t wake up in the morning or does not make food on time. What kind a household is she living in where she is the least priority in everyone’s lives? Though she is highly educated she gave up her career for the family but never was she treated as a part of that family.
Today he says that he does not have any trust in her, no emotional bonding with her, no connection because she couldn’t do her responsibilities well. Which responsibilities? Those are ghar and khaana. Living in India had made things really bad. Living in the US did make things better, but who can change this mentality?
When today she tries to come out of the clutches of all this and stands up for herself, this hero cannot digest the fact that she is happy in her own world. Happy with the kid, happy with the house, happy with whatever little things she does at home for the family. When she stands up for herself and opens her mouth in front of everyone she is being asked for a divorce. When she saw people taking advantage of her, she stood up for herself finally. He couldn’t take all that ‘crap’, saying that she is hurting his family. How about her feelings, her rights? He is that type of guy who has not even asked what exactly happened between his family and his wife.
She is still firm that she should get her basic rights, she is strong, but still she is pointed fingers at. And the silliest thing is that the divorce is not just for standing up for herself but it is for not doing her responsibilities properly. Do you know these responsibilities- they are ghar and khaana.
Today this woman is waiting for him to come and take her home as a wife, a legally wedded wife and not as a just a kaam wali or beti ki nanny or mummy ki chamchi. But this guy is too busy with his hurt ego and is partying with his family.
PS :- He is going back to the US today without resolving this issue. Counselling did not help either. This woman is broken yet standing here for her self respect. She doesn’t even want to give a divorce for this silly reason.
What are your thoughts on this? Is she doing the good thing by standing up for herself?
Image source: Jaisingh rathore [GFDL, CC BY 2.5, GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons
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