Was Ranbir’s ‘Rub Off Lipstick’ Remark To Wife Alia Really Toxic?!

Does Ranbir Kapoor expressing his preferences about Alia using lipstick really make him a toxic husband?

Sometime back, a video of Alia Bhatt with Vogue went viral where she shares her go-to make-up routine and her unique way to apply lipstick. It went viral not for the quirkiness but because she said that after applying the lipstick, she “rubs it off” because her then boyfriend and now husband – Ranbir Kapoor likes her natural lip colour and asks her to “wipe it off”, whenever they are out on a date night.

Netizens had gone crazy over this video, calling RK toxic and not respecting AB’s choice to wear makeup. I saw the video a couple of times to understand the reason behind the uproar but I failed to understand it. I read many comments and saw people saying that asking your partner or dictating terms on how they should wear makeup is a major sign to leave the person.


It is Ok for spouses to have a fashion preference about each other!

I have been married for a decade now and have two kids. Before that I dated my husband for 5 years. If there is something that I have understood in these 15 years of relationship is that couples last only when they live as a team and not as individuals in their own sweet bubble.

There have been innumerable times when I have dressed up the way my husband likes because I like dressing up for him, and the same goes for him – he dresses up in a particular manner, just because I like to see him that way. When you are in a committed relationship the “responsibility” of all your romantic/ sexual fantasies and wishes lay on your partner to fulfil. Also, it is exhilarating to see your partner getting excited to see you in that kind of awe and wonder which satisfies them. Of course, mental compatibility is utmost important in a relationship but so is physical attraction and affinity.

A partner’s fantasy does not mean you lose your identity

Remember when Rachel Green asked Ross Geller what his sexual fantasy was? The Princess Leia fantasy! When she said that she may do it if he tells her about his fantasy? You see, people do it out of fondness, and also because it gives them a boost of adrenaline to know that their partner is enamoured by them.

Having said that, it does not mean that you lose yourself or your identity in the process. It does not imply that you act (be it dressing up, eating food or doing things together) only according to the other person’s wishes. People in healthy relationships sometimes exercise their own will and sometimes choose to satiate their partners’ needs – whatever feels comfortable to them in each situation. Boundaries are important and no one should be allowed to violate these, but at the same time some degree of adjustment is necessary too.

Don’t we do things to make our loved ones happy?

In fact this is true for every relationship and not just romantic relationships – be it parents, siblings, friends, children, colleagues, helpers, etc. Sometimes we do things just to please them because seeing them so makes us so much more happy. We stretch ourselves and go out of our comfort zone to appease them. As long as it is not agonizing and doesn’t go against our belief system, each person acting in accordance to other does not mean they are “compromising”. Maybe that is what is called as social or community living.

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How much ever we talk about independence and exercising our own choice, no relationship can ever thrive if people fail to adapt or accommodate. Here I say “people”, not “women” – both parties involved have to find a middle ground. No love should make you lose your personality but when people live together and love each other, then going out of the way and making others contented comes naturally – out of endearment and not out of force.

I remember, a few years back I heard Kareena Kapoor saying in an interview that Saif likes her to be glammed up rather than being a plain Jane when they go out. She added that Saif does not want her to abide by his preference, but yet she likes to do so out of fondness for her husband. Can we really term voicing out your likes and dislikes in a relationship as toxic?

There is a difference between a romantic gesture and toxic behaviour

In the Vogue video, AB does not give away, through her expressions, tone or anything else that she “rubs” off her lipstick out of force. Such situations become problematic only when one partner asks you to do or not do something and you are not comfortable with it and are yet coerced into doing it. Here, Alia wants to dress up for her husband and she is going by his preference out of her own choice – can’t we term this as a cute romantic gesture? And it is not like AB has just stopped wearing lipstick or makeup after she started dating RK. If she likes makeup, then we have definitely spotted her wearing it a lot of times.

For years we have been fighting that so many girls wear makeup because of their insecurities triggered by society, which make them believe that they are not pretty if they do not hide their flaws. Here RK is appreciating the “natural” colour of his wife’s lips and yet we are condemning that? Are we fretting about the fact that RK is appreciating his wife just the way she is!

In this era of being able to exercise independence and our own choice, are we going a tad overboard and breaking boundaries of inflexibility which may jeopardise our precious relationships?

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About the Author

Apeksha Solanki

A Chartered Accountant by qualification but a writer by passion. Apeksha has authored the book 'GST For The Layman - How It Impacts Your Daily Life' published by Bloomsbury. read more...

6 Posts | 17,724 Views

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