Check out the ultimate guide to 16 return-to-work programs in India for women
Does Ranbir Kapoor expressing his preferences about Alia using lipstick really make him a toxic husband?
Sometime back, a video of Alia Bhatt with Vogue went viral where she shares her go-to make-up routine and her unique way to apply lipstick. It went viral not for the quirkiness but because she said that after applying the lipstick, she “rubs it off” because her then boyfriend and now husband – Ranbir Kapoor likes her natural lip colour and asks her to “wipe it off”, whenever they are out on a date night.
Netizens had gone crazy over this video, calling RK toxic and not respecting AB’s choice to wear makeup. I saw the video a couple of times to understand the reason behind the uproar but I failed to understand it. I read many comments and saw people saying that asking your partner or dictating terms on how they should wear makeup is a major sign to leave the person.
I have been married for a decade now and have two kids. Before that I dated my husband for 5 years. If there is something that I have understood in these 15 years of relationship is that couples last only when they live as a team and not as individuals in their own sweet bubble.
There have been innumerable times when I have dressed up the way my husband likes because I like dressing up for him, and the same goes for him – he dresses up in a particular manner, just because I like to see him that way. When you are in a committed relationship the “responsibility” of all your romantic/ sexual fantasies and wishes lay on your partner to fulfil. Also, it is exhilarating to see your partner getting excited to see you in that kind of awe and wonder which satisfies them. Of course, mental compatibility is utmost important in a relationship but so is physical attraction and affinity.
Remember when Rachel Green asked Ross Geller what his sexual fantasy was? The Princess Leia fantasy! When she said that she may do it if he tells her about his fantasy? You see, people do it out of fondness, and also because it gives them a boost of adrenaline to know that their partner is enamoured by them.
Having said that, it does not mean that you lose yourself or your identity in the process. It does not imply that you act (be it dressing up, eating food or doing things together) only according to the other person’s wishes. People in healthy relationships sometimes exercise their own will and sometimes choose to satiate their partners’ needs – whatever feels comfortable to them in each situation. Boundaries are important and no one should be allowed to violate these, but at the same time some degree of adjustment is necessary too.
In fact this is true for every relationship and not just romantic relationships – be it parents, siblings, friends, children, colleagues, helpers, etc. Sometimes we do things just to please them because seeing them so makes us so much more happy. We stretch ourselves and go out of our comfort zone to appease them. As long as it is not agonizing and doesn’t go against our belief system, each person acting in accordance to other does not mean they are “compromising”. Maybe that is what is called as social or community living.
How much ever we talk about independence and exercising our own choice, no relationship can ever thrive if people fail to adapt or accommodate. Here I say “people”, not “women” – both parties involved have to find a middle ground. No love should make you lose your personality but when people live together and love each other, then going out of the way and making others contented comes naturally – out of endearment and not out of force.
I remember, a few years back I heard Kareena Kapoor saying in an interview that Saif likes her to be glammed up rather than being a plain Jane when they go out. She added that Saif does not want her to abide by his preference, but yet she likes to do so out of fondness for her husband. Can we really term voicing out your likes and dislikes in a relationship as toxic?
In the Vogue video, AB does not give away, through her expressions, tone or anything else that she “rubs” off her lipstick out of force. Such situations become problematic only when one partner asks you to do or not do something and you are not comfortable with it and are yet coerced into doing it. Here, Alia wants to dress up for her husband and she is going by his preference out of her own choice – can’t we term this as a cute romantic gesture? And it is not like AB has just stopped wearing lipstick or makeup after she started dating RK. If she likes makeup, then we have definitely spotted her wearing it a lot of times.
For years we have been fighting that so many girls wear makeup because of their insecurities triggered by society, which make them believe that they are not pretty if they do not hide their flaws. Here RK is appreciating the “natural” colour of his wife’s lips and yet we are condemning that? Are we fretting about the fact that RK is appreciating his wife just the way she is!
In this era of being able to exercise independence and our own choice, are we going a tad overboard and breaking boundaries of inflexibility which may jeopardise our precious relationships?
A Chartered Accountant by qualification but a writer by passion. Apeksha has authored the book 'GST For The Layman - How It Impacts Your Daily Life' published by Bloomsbury. read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
If her MIL had accepted her with some affection, wouldn't they have built a mutually happier relationship by now?
The incident took place ten years ago.
Smita could visit her mother only in summers when her daughter had school holidays. Her daughter also enjoyed meeting her Nani, and both of them had done their reservations for a week. A month before their visit, her husband told her, “My mom is coming for 4-5 months!”
Smita shuddered. She knew the repercussions. She would have to hear sarcastic comments from her mother-in-law for visiting her mother. She may make these comments directly only a bit, but her servants would be flooded with the words, “How horrible she is! She leaves me and goes!”
Maybe Animal is going to make Ranbir the superstar he yearns to be, but is this the kind of legacy his grandfather and granduncles would wish for?
I have no intention of watching Animal. I have heard it’s acting like a small baby screaming and yelling for attention. However, I read some interesting reviews which gave away the original, brilliant and awe-inspiring plot (was that sarcastic enough?), and I don’t really need to go watch it to have an informed opinion.
A little boy craves for his father’s love but doesn’t get it so uses it as an excuse to kill a whole bunch of people when he grows up. Poor paapa (baby) what else could he do?
I was wondering; if any woman director gets inspired by this movie and replicates this with a female protagonist, what would happen?. Oh wait, that’s the story of so many women in this world. Forget about not giving them love, you have fathers who try to kill their daughters or sell them off or do other equally despicable things.
Please enter your email address