An Unhappy Home Is A Child’s Worst Nightmare…

I started developing hatred towards men as I saw my father behaving like an MCP with my mom, or the way my paternal and maternal grandfathers would keep my grandmothers subjugated.

With a lot of courage, Seema went to the therapist’s office. She wanted help to come out of her depression and anxiety. Friends and colleagues would ask her, “Why are you depressed and unhappy? You have a great job, good salary, steady relationship.”

As Seema started talking to the therapist,  she revealed to her about her past, her childhood mainly, and why she had become the person that she was today.

Seema in her own words

“Ever since I was able to understand things as a child, every morning I would wake up to my parents quarrelling, yelling at each other. On days when dad would be really wild, he would beat up mom black and blue. Mom would cry for some time and in half an hour would continue with the daily chores as if nothing had happened. She would pretend in front of me and my brother as if everything was fine.

I don’t know if my maternal grandparents ever realized that their daughter was unhappy or they simply chose to ignore it out of societal fear. As for my parents, they would pose as a happily married couple in front of the whole world.

I was really confused. When parents are in a toxic relationship, the kids are affected the most. Most women don’t leave their abusive husband or unhappy marriages stating that the kids need both the parents, but what’s the point of having both the parents under one roof who abuse, despise, abhor each other; where the husband beats the wife and hurls choicest abuses to her. An unhappy home is a child’s worst nightmare.  It scars the little mind and heart forever.

Fear of relationships and trust issues

I started having trust issues. When two of my closest people had two faces, one inside home and one for the outside world, how could I trust others? I had issues with relationships, marriage. I started developing hatred towards men as I saw my father behaving like an MCP with my mom, or the way my paternal and maternal grandfathers would keep my grandmothers subjugated. I started getting nightmares, my grades were never good.  I had no friends in school as I had difficulty approaching people, talking to them. I dreaded coming back home from school as I feared watching my mother crying or parents yelling.

Amidst all these, my parents somewhere neglected me and my brother. They couldn’t handle their own issues, they were forever angry, sad, disturbed. I don’t remember us 4 chatting and laughing together, going for happy outings together. All I remember is abuse and pretense.

As I started growing up, I would be either angry, sad or terrified. Mental health as such is not taken seriously in our society and I had no one to talk to. My parents had become more bitter over the years. Now the abuse was lesser but there was an uncomfortable silence at home.

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I took up a job after graduation in another city and my brother also decided to go to a boarding school as he also could no longer bear the environment in the house. What could have been a happy family living under one roof was scattered now. I used to close myself up when any guy approached me or when I felt attracted towards any guy. Relationships scare me.”

Hoping that therapy works…

The therapist had a long chat with Seema and she was told that she would need multiple sessions to heal.  Seema knew she had to heal and come out of her depression and fear.  How she wished her parents and many such parents realized and understood that a pretentious happy marriage is far more dangerous than being happy and separated.  Kids are the worst affected.

Seema waited for the day when she would really be happy from within..may be some day…

Image source: a still from short film Ghar ki Murgi

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About the Author

Ritwika Roy Mutsuddi

I am a travel expert by profession and an avid blogger by passion. Parenting and women's issues are something that are close to my heart and I blog a lot about them. read more...

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