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There are so many shades of patriarchy that are not as disturbing as actual domestic violence that can scar or kill, but we need to to uproot all these for real empowerment.
Wikipedia definition: “Patriarchy is a social system in which males hold primary power and predominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege and control of the property. Some patriarchal societies are also patrilineal, meaning that property and title are inherited by the male lineage.”
There certainly is some positive change, especially in Tier-I cities, after the advent of feminism: The newly empowered generation is fiercely breaking old stereotypes, and I am happy to see how mothers are doing it diligently via bringing up the next generation.
But how about the other cities where they have progressed well and equipped themselves with all the latest technologies, but their thinking is still aligned with the olden era? It’s a mindset, deep-rooted and ingrained in society!
There are different shades to this patriarchy, black, white, red, green, you can see in all the colours. But you need to have eyes to see it, to witness it, closely and the flip side of the recipient.
Dowry deaths, domestic violence are extremely black shades – you can see the scars on their face, body and often their mind. But what about the other shades which are not much visible? Or are these just ignored? Or you don’t want to see them as they are normalised in the typical patriarchal setup.
Let’s look at some of these shades that don’t disturb us so much, but should.
She is like any other woman, a wife, married with a daughter of 3 years. Staying in a posh apartment. But it’s her duty to clean the mess her husband leaves after eating, and all sort of things which he thinks he’s entitled to do. Every bit of work has to be done by her. She cannot say NO; her system doesn’t allow her.
Her brain has made to think differently, the wiring is not empowered. Then how can she think of saying NO and standing for herself after 28 years? This is deep-rooted.
She is married into a well-settled family. No dearth of property and vacationing at foreign locations. Plenty of servants to help, but there is no say/respect for her. She is just like any other thing kept on mute mode. Husband ‘loves’ her but doesn’t want to hear about her problems with other family members. NOT interested types.
Her own parents – ‘adjustment policy’ is their all-time advice on why she should try her best to make everyone happy. Again, the setting is old. The most demanding – Adjusting mode which should never be put off!
A well-educated wife wants to work after a parenting break, but her duties or responsibilities don’t want to leave her, or the people associated with that don’t want to leave their comfort. After all, she is the only one available on duty for 24/7/365 support, without pay. Personal comforts are clearly more important than someone else’s dream or peace of mind.
An educated daughter is ‘allowed to wear jeans’, but 25 is ‘marriageable age’. She should get married to the person of her parents’ choice. No, she is not allowed to put her brains to a new business, start-up or any job, which is her dream. Because marrying her to the safest and richest guy overpowers all. And then, marriage and the same cycle of adjusting.
You can name any other colour in these situations and if you just turn around, there are many. We can even make a VIBGYOR easily. Most of us accept these as normal, and carry forward all the shades of patriarchy with pride.
It’s up to us: do we really want to colour ourselves with these shades? Or want to make our own mark with grit and determination, empowering our lives? The choice is ours and the struggle is real!
Image source: YouTube
Founder-Life Of A Mother (Blog). Just spreading some positive vibes around.
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Half a decade ago marriage was a bargain between two famlies. Most of the women were married off to a man who was either well off or who could fend for his wife and family. Today the parameters of marriage have changed. Women no longer marry for the sake of economic security. Their expectations from marriage have changed in the course of years because of their changed status.
As women grew independent, their patterns of choosing partners have changed dramatically. Now women choose men who they feel can satiate their emotional as well as physical needs. Intimacy is no longer the physicality that happened between two people under the supervision of elders of the family for the sole purpose of procreation. Intimacy in today’s marriages involve understanding and fulfilling each other’s emotional as well as sexual needs.
So before you decide to hook up see if you know these five things about intimacy.
We often hear of relationships doomed by distances, of love wearing off when physical proximity ceases, and of growing apart. Most of my life I grew up witnessing the opposite of this. Thus, my belief in growing together whether distant or near stands tall.
When I think back today, I owe a lot of my value system to being a part of army life. This is the love of steel-hearted women who breathe life and passion into the soldiers of the armed forces.
A book by Swapnil Pandey, The Force Behind the Forces, is apt here. The love of these gritty women powers the men to confidently step out and face the most hostile situations. I feel privileged to share a personally witnessed account of this undying love and faith.
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