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Parenting in the current era of information overload and luxuries is not a cakewalk. Delayed gratification can surely create a balance and make responsible kids.
Who doesn’t want a magic wand in their life, which can change everything for the better within seconds? Especially, with parenting today, when we offer rewards and instant gratification in exchange for any work, as an easy way to get temporary relief, no matter what the long-term consequences are.
During my childhood when we had limited resources, I always wished for a magic wand that would help my wishes come true in the blink of an eye. The branded shoes, expensive pens, trendy outfits were nothing less than a luxury. Yet, I’m just 40 and as a mom to two kids who are a part of generation Z, the difference in mindsets is inevitable.
Sometimes, I feel life takes a full circle and new age words like ‘minimalist’ and ‘delayed gratification’ are actually not new. They are rephrased as per the new generation, but the gist is the same. One can say, it’s old wine in a new bottle!
We grew up in a minimalist way, which is the reason I still value things but don’t expect the same with my kids. They are learning to be minimalist and I make sure I add delayed gratification to their life. But what does it mean? Does it mean that one should not enjoy the fruits of hard work? Or one should never be rewarded for a good deed? How can this affect your life? Can parents practice it?
According to Wikipedia, “Delayed gratification is associated with resisting a smaller but more immediate reward in order to receive a larger or more enduring reward later”. I must add that it does need discipline and self-control, which is an important life skill and a powerful addition to your personality.
The older generation did not have to learn the skill as it was already part of regular living and society. A hard-earned income those days wasn’t enough to fulfil all desires, even basic ones. Delayed gratification, in fact, helps us to manage situations wisely and judge if the short-term gain is going to prove worthwhile in the long run. In hindsight, the concept is equally powerful as before, except that we tend to abandon it midway, even if it carries a long-term benefit. A little tolerance is what all is required to hone this skill.
Satisfying a child’s need at the drop of a hat is common. The moment they demand something, you fix it within seconds. At times, a demand can be impulsive or triggered by peer pressure. Talk to the kids, make them understand the value in waiting. Most of the time, the demand goes away with time as it was unnecessary, to begin with.
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Why do parents avoid explaining the physical part of relationships to their children? The mindset is-'they will learn on their own like I learnt.'
Marriage. A word with conflicting sentiments. Love, exhilaration, fear, and adjustments were all deep sentiments that tingled in the pit of my stomach from time to time. However, I believe that the final decision must be taken solely by the two persons after the completion of courtship period (or whatever you call it).
My cousin got married in this lockdown. She was not very excited about the shrinking guest list. Though she was ecstatic she had me. More than the sisterhood bonding, we apportion a cognation of mentor-student. Moreover, I feel so protective towards her as she is introvert, shy, and timid. All I endeavoured and wanted her was her voice and a stand for herself.
It was her mehndi the day I reached. She rushed to hug me with those moist eyes. Fighting back my tears and holding her in my arms, my mind toggled between past and present. “I am so happy you made it di,” she said. It was the moment of mixed feelings, a reminder of the time when I was naïve to the change marriage brought into my life. I inhaled my lungs full of air in disbelief that the baby girl is getting married in two days. She blushed as others giggled and teased her asking her about the guy.
From the time one dancer went public about Pt Birju Maharaj through a series of stories on Instagram, the classic cycle of victim blaming started asserting itself- deny, disbelieve, discredit, disgrace.
Trigger warning: This has sexual abuse, victim blaming, and gaslighting, and may be triggering to survivors.
In light of the recent allegations of sexual misconduct by the legendary kathak maestro Pt. Birju Maharaj, a number of people are asking “why now?” Why is the person choosing to make the allegations public after his death when he is no longer around to defend himself? What is to be gained by sullying his reputation when he is no longer in the world? If these allegations were true, why didn’t we hear of it before?
Parents are human after all. Please, let's cut ourselves some slack here, and not fall prey to the peer pressure of following all the parenting advice that pops up online.
Parents are human after all. Please, let’s cut ourselves some slack here, and not fall prey to the peer pressure of following all the parenting advice that pops up online.
Parenting is a joyous journey for all of us, no matter what our stories are. Having said that, parenting is also hard at times; not knowing if we are doing the right thing or not; and amidst all this confusion it doesn’t help to find news feeds like: ’10 Things You Should Never Say To Your Child’… Imagine an anxious mom is scrolling down her news feed after a meltdown with her kid and finds an article like that. What good is that going to do?
Every situation is different and so is every parent and child. I agree there are some hurtful things that shouldn’t be said to a child, but saying that it will scar your child for life and totally crush his self- esteem, is just wrong! On the contrary, these type of articles are the ones crushing the confidence of moms around the world.
Listening to your kids is as important as getting them to listen to you. Here's a mother's advice on how to do that without patronising them.
Listening to your kids is as important as getting them to listen to you. Here’s a mother’s advice on how to do that without patronising them.
As parents we want our words to work like swirling a magic wand. We wave it and things should be done. However, kids think otherwise. I believe they are built to defy everything said to them in the first go.
We all like being requested, rather than being commanded at and it works similarly with kids. There are times when the requests go unanswered as well, and this is where your tact as an adult comes in.