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As an Indian woman with children out of their early childhood, this mom is just finding out the pleasures of getting into her 40s, discovering herself again.
And at this point of time when I am at the threshold of touching 40 years of my life, I find it very different from earlier. With an average human life of 70 years, I have already crossed more than 50%.
I’ve heard people say that 40 is the new 20, and to some extent it’s true. A 20 that is an age of innovation and a freedom to do what you love. A phase when you explore yourself, you fall in love with yourself on every single day and you don’t bother much about social expectations. So what did I expect on my 39th Birthday?
For me, I still remember my life two decades back, and there was a time when I started missing that. I wished that I could capture those as my Facebook memories, which keep popping every year. But there is always a time for the new, a change which might bring another love into your life.
While being closer to 40 (next year), I can sense the same. My children are little grown-ups, and the basic parenting duties are on the way out. I no more use baby products and am a little far away from the anxiety of a mother of a young child. I sleep more compared to anyone in the house. I enjoy solitude like never before, and am falling in love with myself again!
Now, I take my own time to dress up, in the washroom, and wherever I go. Life, and the home are little more organised, and I don’t need to clean up as often as earlier. The OCD era is over; now I work as per my capacity. I’ve realised that kids can manage their work to some extent. I leave them sometimes at their own mercy if I am not able to convince them. The generation gap has already taken a firm hold.
As I said, I belong to the slightly older generation now. At this age, I’m trying to find the girl who got lost between being a wife and motherhood, though I’m not in a competition with anyone, and feel happy when I see others happy.
I am making peace with myself on all fronts. I don’t want to carry any bitter memories; I have forgotten them all. Trying to be in the present, and enjoying my sanity. I’ve stopped judging people; after all, I don’t know the reality behind their lives. Most of the times, what you see is not what it is.
Solitude and enjoying my own company with books is an all-time high. I’ve stopped complaining, and have replaced it with a healthy conversation. I’m more grateful to God for everything I have, and no regrets for that which I don’t have. I’m making peace with myself to be more satisfied with what I am blessed with. One lesson that I’ve learnt in these years, “You cannot be happy if you are not happy within”.
I’m still a mother, responsible for my duties; the love and care and the extra attention my kids need … sometimes. In these digital times, they know many things much better than me, but it’s my duty to guide them and let them understand the reality of life. A little hard, a little bumpy, a mixed bag of joy and sorrows which are inevitable. But am simply loving it. For all the hard work I did, it pays at some time, and I think 40 is the right age when you know more about yourself. You know what you are and how you can discover yourself. You love yourself more than ever. You care for yourself more like you never had, and you give more than expected. It’s a life cycle and I am just entering it hoping the next half to be more peaceful.
A version of this was first published here.
Image source: shutterstock
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"There is a story and a vision which makes us gravitate towards cinema. Even as we worked as assistants on ads, we realised that cinema was our true calling," say Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh Raseen.
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A ‘thank you’ makes a lot of difference in the way any woman in your life sees herself in your eyes. It might even mean the world to her.
I have not received any appreciation in the past. Probably never will. This is the experience of ample women across the globe. The expectation to be thanked for all the sacrifices she makes to keep others happy has faded. Yet the urge to hear few words of acknowledgement always lingers.
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It will mean the world to your mother if you answer her calls. If your sister seems lost give her a hug and assure her about her strengths. Tomorrow, there might come a day when you would have to make your daughter feel empowered with few words of wisdom every now and then. For the children to feel wanted and loved, you must be able to spare some quality time with your wife and be present in the moment.
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