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A proud mother, on this daughter's day, talks about encouraging them to be mentally strong, taking their own life decisions without having any regrets.
A proud mother, on this daughter’s day, talks about encouraging her daughters to be mentally strong, taking their own life decisions without having any regrets.
It was 2011 and I was carrying my second child. My first one was close to 3 years and I was happy that my mission for two kids would get over soon. I don’t know, but if you are pregnant (the second time) and meeting people quite often then there is a high possibility of you getting special comments. They would inspect you from head to toe and start giving their judgements about the impending delivery.
Most people or I would say 99% of them would want you to have a boy. This becomes more concrete when your first child is a girl. I heard a lot from people during that period and honestly, I never had the patience to argue with empty minds. I had to leave in the middle of those conversations.
It’s a mindset, deeply ingrained and one can’t do anything about it. For those people, girls are always secondary and a second girl child is least wanted in the family. Anyway, in the month of April, I delivered a girl. A healthy and beautiful baby is what everyone wishes for. But then, I realised that the congratulations were meek, there was grief in their tones. I couldn’t understand how a new baby could distress anyone. But it happened and I faced it.
I belong to a family where we are three sisters and similarly my mother was one among two sisters. I have never witnessed gender bias and how it feels at home, where you differentiate among your own children or you decide their work according to their gender.
So, what I understood from the social perspective, being a mother of two daughters, is that it is like a baggage that you carry your whole life. They will get married, I need to save a lot of money to marry them and finally they would be off to another home. And my husband and I would be left alone to god’s mercy. Isn’t it? This is what you expect from a boy and not from a girl? Paraya dhan– Kind of?
But I shunned all those questions by people, about when I was planning to have a third child. There should be a limit to it…how can your personal life ever be someone else’s business? I am happy with my two girls and I am not saving for their marriage. For them and of course for us, that is not the only agenda for their life. There is so much more to do apart from getting married. I save for their education, to make them explore things, to travel with them and to get those things that would empower them.
Secondly, it’s our duty and responsibility to educate them well, to give them freedom and to make them understand the right and the wrong. They have all the rights to decide for themselves and yes, we do support them. All the time – good, bad, thick and thin, they can always come back to us at any point in time.
We want to understand them, their own feelings, their dreams and not to live our life through them.
Life is not easy and I tell them the same quite often. I want them to be self-sufficient and to able to manage all possible tasks according to their age irrespective of their gender roles. Also, they can learn easily when they see it from close quarters. Like, we all share our work in the best possible manner. I really want them to be strong mentally, so that they would be able to take their own decisions in life without any regrets.
They are my pride and I love them to the core. They are not meant to be perfectionists or ‘good’ girls. They need to live up to their own dreams with sheer hard work, grit and determination.
I don’t expect any resources from them, no old age special care, financially, or any sort of obligation. I want them to fly high wherever they want and live a happy life.
Note: In India, the last Sunday of September is #DaughtersDay, this year, on September 23rd.
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'Dr Saloni will take care of everything,' my MIL said. My cowardly husband refused to go against his mother’s wishes. I was left to fend for myself!
Some time ago, I went to a marriage ceremony with my parents. It was a very high-profile marriage – not the ones we usually were invited to – but in this case it was Ramesh uncle’s son’s marriage. Ramesh uncle was my father’s first cousin. He began his career as a humble elevator operator at the TIC business group. With his sheer hard work, grit, and the knack of sensing the right opportunities, within eighteen years he became the president of the company. My father and he were the best of friends during their school time.
Half an hour before the stipulated time, we left our house, hired an auto and reached the venue. All four of us were in our best outfits. Getting out of the auto and looking at each other, we were highly convinced that we were going to fit in just right. As we crossed the dazzling and beautiful portico, we felt very insignificant compared to the big lawn and building lying ahead.
Mother was wearing all the jewellery she had got, including the big old-fashioned necklace, earrings and shiny bangles. Father was wearing a velvet coat, brother had put on a light orange shirt with a black check coat, I myself was wearing a red salwar kurta with a net dupatta. I had put on a necklace with red beads which at the time of wearing looked very pretty to me. Now looking at the other guests, I felt all four of us must be looking like clowns who had come for a fancy-dress competition. I felt my brother and parents were also feeling self-conscious and uneasy now.
“What you call love is actually possessiveness. You made all my decisions for me. I would probably be happier without you in my life,” Revant screamed!
Revati’s life had changed when, after ten years of being an only child, her parents brought in a stranger into the house. She had looked at the young boy who had wide, frightened eyes, and she had fallen in love with him on sight. He was small-made and a lone tear hung below his eye as he looked around at the huge house with its crystal chandeliers and eye-catching artefacts.
Ma had hugged him impulsively.
“Come here, little one! Meet your sister, Revati!”
In a country where sons are revered and daughters looked down upon as burdens, here is a letter from a mother of two daughters rejoicing in her children!
Though the words are mine, this letter is solely a product of my mother’s experiences, her thoughts and reactions on a topic very close to her heart. So here goes –
Yesterday as I sat in the garden in front of the house that my husband and I have built through years of labor and love, and sipped my green tea (green because my husband insists that at this age we ought to be health conscious) I felt the same comforting feeling of a life lived well that I tend to feel often these days. Just as I was about to finish my tea and get back to the kitchen, I heard someone call out to me.
Why is the girl child still considered a liability that we should not wish for, as compared to 'wanting a boy'? When will this mindset change?
Why is the girl child still considered a liability that we should not wish for, as compared to ‘wanting a boy’? When will this mindset change?
Sad and frustrated I again replied to my friend, “I use ‘she’ as a gender neutral word, just like people use ‘he’. Then got a reply ‘oh, that way..!! then fine..!!” with a wink.
I was completely annoyed again. It is my first pregnancy and I always wanted a daughter. I am fond of girls, especially the little ones. From the day I knew that I was pregnant, I started my prayers for a girl child and I always feel positive about it. From that very moment, I started talking to her and started calling her “Betu”, which to me meant a girl child. I thought of names that will have a good meaning, but not a typical one, easy to pronounce, combination of the names of my husband and myself, did everything like everyone does, but only from a perspective of a girl child.