A Handy Guide For Boys And Men In 7 Points: Cut Out Crap Like ‘Hansee Toh Phasee’

A popular misconception that a girl doesn't really say what she means and that she can be worn down by 'persisting' needs to be junked, NOW.

A popular misconception that a girl doesn’t really say what she means and that she can be worn down by ‘persisting’ needs to be junked, NOW.

The other day, I was watching a video shared on Facebook, which shows how a boy needs to read between the lines if he wants to lead a happy life with his wife/girlfriend. When the girl wants to say something, she says something else, and the boy is supposed to ‘understand’ what she actually wants, reading between the lines, making him feel all hassled.

While it was a funny video, it was completely misleading as not many viewers (especially boys) will notice that it is a parody made by SIT: Shitty Ideas Trending, and it made me think. This kind of behaviour that is considered ‘normal’ by many is how boys actually start reading between the lines and it no longer remains humorous but turns into a nightmare for the girls.

We are aware of such situations where the girls have been blamed that they have been giving wrong signals to the boys and that is the reason they landed up in such a bad situation. That there was ‘no problem with the boy’ who took or perceived these ‘signals’ but yes girls are blamed as having given these ‘cryptic signals’!

Boys, you don’t have to read between the lines where girls are concerned. Here is a little guide to help you out at every stage of life.

School friendship can be just that – friendship

We girls who study with you in a co-education environment can perceive you as any other friend, it’s not always necessary that you must think that we have something “else” in mind, and that is the reason we want to befriend you.

You can just be a normal friend with whom we like to spend time, talk about anything under the sky, and may be simply roam around in the campus just like any of the other girl-friends we have. There are absolutely no hidden clues or emotions majority of the times, so please don’t try looking for some.

It’s OK for girls to say what they feel, no?

All of us are emotionally vulnerable when we are in our teens. Majority of the time we are not even living in the present but happily dreaming about the future or thinking about some fantasies. We all have feelings of infatuation, crush and love during this time which is pretty common in both genders. But no, we must make it a big deal only as far as girls are concerned because this is something not acceptable to society.

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As girls, if we come to you and express our feelings for you, why do you have to make it such a big deal that ‘a girl has proposed to you’ and now she will be at your mercy? You don’t have to start thinking that this girl can now be taken for a ride and you can exploit her emotionally and physically whenever you want.

The feeling that a girl might have for you could be of love or infatuation, but not always a physical desire that you think you need to be fulfil.

Girl living independently are not ‘trying to catch boys’

We all move out of our secure homes either in pursuit of further education or a career, this is also irrespective of the gender. But if a girl moves out and starts living independently in a city or town, she is automatically perceived as a ‘soft target’ just because she is not with her parents who can ‘keep her safe’.

It’s a big challenge for anyone (not just for us girls) to adjust in a new environment not only physically but emotionally as well. If during such times we seek help from boys regardless of the matter, it is taken as a sign that we have ‘some other intentions’ of exploiting the boys (monetarily or emotionally). Why can it not be a thing where one person is trying to help another and just making the whole transition a smooth process? If we are living independently, that doesn’t give you the freedom to perceive us as vulnerable, always in need of support, and that we can be taken for granted.

Hasee toh phasee’ is bullshit

This one tag line which is most commonly used for girls is utter crap. Why do you think that if we talk and laugh with you it has some hidden meaning that we might be interested in having a relationship with you? There is a high possibility that we may just find you as a person who has good sense of humor and might just like to spend time with you as any other friend.

It should not always be considered as a hidden sign for you to go ahead and start bragging to your friends about this one girl who might be on verge of getting into a relationship with you.

Shyness or quietness is NOT a form of weakness

Shyness is considered an ‘inbuilt quality’ for all girls as per general rules of the society. There is, of course, absolutely no harm in being shy, but do not make the mistake of considering that as our weakness. We may also ‘shy away’ from your advances in public because we don’t want them.

Don’t take any ‘shyness’ as a sign of weakness, maybe we just don’t want to waste our time and energy on you! Don’t also think that behind this shyness there is a ‘hidden emotion’ which we are not willing to express to you and somewhere we might be interested in your advances.

We need you to understand that not every time do we need a confrontation to make things clear, we might as well ignore some people to avoid uncomfortable situations especially in public. But nowhere does that imply that we are weak and cannot make the situation uncomfortable for you when absolutely required.

No means a strong NO

When in a relationship whether it’s marriage or an affair or just friendship, one thing that is most important is mutual respect for individuals. If in a relationship a girl or woman is saying “No” for any of the things expected by you, please don’t consider that it is somewhere a “Yes” and that you will be able to get what you want by emotional blackmail or physically compelling the person. Respect the individual’s decision and don’t try to derive meanings between the lines; mutual consent is as important as love in any form of relationship.

My choices

As an individual in a free society we are free to choose what we should eat, drink or wear. If a girl is wearing short clothes, it shouldn’t imply that she is doing all this to seek attention from you. Maybe what she wants is to just follow the trend or fashion. If she is drinking with you, it doesn’t mean that she is ‘available’ or ‘easy’ and can be exploited. Maybe all she wants is to enjoy a drink with what she thinks is ‘good company’.

Boys, stop reading between the lines when it is not required!

Image source: pixabay

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About the Author

Nidhi Sharma

An HR professional who keeps shifting between being a homemaker and a career woman. Currently residing in USA, I love to travel across places,meet new people and understand new cultures.I like sharing my read more...

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