Check out the ultimate guide to 16 return-to-work programs in India for women
Consent is also about the 'how' of sex. It's not (only) about the yes and no. The Aziz Ansari case got us thinking about consent to sex..
Consent is also about the ‘how’ of sex. It’s not (only) about the yes and no. The Aziz Ansari case got us thinking about consent to sex.
I am not weighing in on the Aziz Ansari and ‘Grace’ article. There is enough said about it on the web, from every possible perspective.
But here’s what it got me thinking about.
Consent to sex is not (only) about a yes or a no.
There absolutely needs to be a yes to begin with, but I can off the top of my head think of so many situations where a woman can want to have sex with a man and yet say no to certain things.
Like.
I want to have sex with you but not today.
I want to have sex with you but not as soon as we get in to your apartment.
I want to have sex with you but I don’t feel like doing (particular sexual activity).
I want to have sex with you but not if you don’t want to use a condom.
I want to have sex with you but not when I am so sleepy!
I want to have sex with you but I don’t feel like being rough today.
This should be really easy to understand, you’d think. And also, that explicitly writing it down in this fashion should not be the only way men get it.
After all, what part of ‘I am moving my hand away from your penis right away’ is not understandable as a call for a halt or a change in some fashion?
Sex does often involve some negotiation. You like X but I don’t like it all that much and hence can we try Y instead?
Except, we can’t always say it in those many words and we shouldn’t always have to. Sometimes, negotiation is verbal and sometimes it isn’t. Part of being in a sexual moment is listening to ‘all’ of your partner’s cues, and I am not saying this in a legalistic sense. A partner ignoring the quiet language of your body may never be liable in court.
But, in our bedrooms and in our lives and even in our media, women are saying that we’ve had enough of bearing all the burden of this communication. Men are being held to a higher standard now, and that’s okay.
Watch this video on Consent and it should be simple, really.
Image source: unsplash
Founder & Chief Editor of Women's Web, Aparna believes in the power of ideas and conversations to create change. She has been writing since she was ten. In another life, she used to be read more...
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
If her MIL had accepted her with some affection, wouldn't they have built a mutually happier relationship by now?
The incident took place ten years ago.
Smita could visit her mother only in summers when her daughter had school holidays. Her daughter also enjoyed meeting her Nani, and both of them had done their reservations for a week. A month before their visit, her husband told her, “My mom is coming for 4-5 months!”
Smita shuddered. She knew the repercussions. She would have to hear sarcastic comments from her mother-in-law for visiting her mother. She may make these comments directly only a bit, but her servants would be flooded with the words, “How horrible she is! She leaves me and goes!”
Maybe Animal is going to make Ranbir the superstar he yearns to be, but is this the kind of legacy his grandfather and granduncles would wish for?
I have no intention of watching Animal. I have heard it’s acting like a small baby screaming and yelling for attention. However, I read some interesting reviews which gave away the original, brilliant and awe-inspiring plot (was that sarcastic enough?), and I don’t really need to go watch it to have an informed opinion.
A little boy craves for his father’s love but doesn’t get it so uses it as an excuse to kill a whole bunch of people when he grows up. Poor paapa (baby) what else could he do?
I was wondering; if any woman director gets inspired by this movie and replicates this with a female protagonist, what would happen?. Oh wait, that’s the story of so many women in this world. Forget about not giving them love, you have fathers who try to kill their daughters or sell them off or do other equally despicable things.
Please enter your email address