Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
What is really the secret of a successful marriage? The social parameters of caste, looks, finances and horoscopes, or compatibility and mutual respect?
A few years ago, while sipping coffee at a roadside café in downtown Chicago; I could not help overhear a young Indian couple going through an earnest emotional discussion. The boy was trying to reason out with an emotionally distraught girl, convincing her that a long term relationship – essentially a marriage – is a lot more than ‘just friendship and love’.
The girl felt that love was enough to transcend all barriers. The discussion continued way beyond my coffee lasted, and I left. I left with his words lingering in my ears – “It is not about a wedding, it is about marriage.”
Now, almost ten years after that incident, I, with a more matured and experienced outlook to that statement still wonder if we, as a community and culture, set the right parameters when it comes to a life-long relationship.
Despite education and globalization, marriages in India are still preferred within caste and community. Most educated couples too prefer that. Reason might be fewer differences to handle, easier to fit into families and social groups.
This might be a formula to success for some. However, there are great many associations where hell can break loose due to incompatibility – incompatibility between spouses, between the husband/wife and the in-laws, between the two sets of parents sometimes! Matching of caste and community do not help in these situations.
We might not like to hear it, but there is an either make or break of alliances based on looks (mostly of the girl) and finances (in most cases of the boy). Strong finances might make a boy more confident in seeking someone with ‘superior looks’. Good looks make it easier for a girl to find a ‘well-settled’ boy. Surprisingly, this stream of selection runs on the paths of arranged as well as love marriages.
With a lot of women having a successful career these days, things might be slightly better – people might not really think these are important.
However due to centuries of importance on fairness and looks and money being prime to acquire the requisite social status, such criteria still finds prevalence.
As a result, actual compatibility takes a back seat. And when the real challenges to making a life together strike, dealing with trivial day to day issues become a huge task. If a highly incompatible marriage is in the witness box, no amount of money can buy one compatibility.
Numerology and the positions of stars at birth is often still used to predict the success of a particular match. According to this, the higher the match percentage, the more successful will be the marriage. Horoscopes especially become a determining factor if one of the partners is Mangalik (a negative Mars influence).
I am no expert on this subject, but a gut feel tells me that true understanding has to be way beyond some ruling stars.
The above parameters worked well in the traditional Indian society which relied terribly on division – division of religion, caste, sex.
The current environment yields individuals who are independent – in all ways – financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Love and compatibility becomes the key to a successful relationship. Any other difference, then, become very easy to overcome.
Image source: couple getting married by Shutterstock.
read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
Please enter your email address