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Sometimes it’s good to be a little selfish, to maintain your mental health and to feel happy, even though you might have a load of responsibilities.
I am not a movie freak but given a chance I would love to go and spend those uninterrupted three hours in a theatre.
An interesting choice of words, right? Uninterrupted or given a chance? I wonder if these words conveying longing for some much needed me-time are only applicable to mothers. I am doubtful – if there is any category besides us?
Sometimes it’s difficult to steal few minutes out of the hectic schedule. A mom is always busy, not for herself but for others. And taking your time out soon becomes a luxury for women. But why does a mum need to worry about choosing a career, a day-out, dressing-up, watching her favorite show? Phew! Is the list endless?
Last month, I went to watch a movie, all alone. I booked the first day, first show & enjoyed my solitude for three hours. That was the first time when I decided to go alone and didn’t wait for someone to give me company. I got little selfish and instead of skipping it & letting it go just like many other things I decided to go ahead – I had missed many movies in the past which I really wanted to watch but couldn’t go for. Myriad “mommy” reasons again!
Of course many questioned me, why did I choose to go alone? But to be very frank, I enjoyed that day, not because of the movie itself, but because of the freedom I had, maybe for few hours. There was no one to call me in between, no doorbells, no race to finish impending tasks, no deadlines.
Later, I wondered why it took me so many years to realize that I also needed a break like this. Personally, I know few women who are going through a bad phase of poor mental health. They have not reached the state when they will start taking it seriously, but just the initial stage when things started to accumulate and they are not able to crack it. But before things go overboard it becomes more important to know – where, when, and how did you get lost in this maze?
There needs to be more awareness around a woman’s, especially a mother’s mental health. One must accept that woman is most vulnerable to depression. The workload, expectations, and no freedom to express herself, and the fear of being judged are the main reasons.
I had a similar bad phase in my life. Only I know how I struggled hard to come out of that. There is no point in discussing the past, which is already gone. But whenever I see my past on different faces I dread if they are getting into the same thing? Over the years, one thing I realized is that if the woman of the house is happy, so everyone is. But who cares?
The expectations around a woman are always high, which ultimately push her to an extreme. Reaching a point where she herself forgets to listen to her own voice which keeps oscillating between her own self and another’s expectations. Lastly, ignoring herself to the core.
A general question which might occur at this point is – a woman who can afford all luxuries; can outsource help; no menial jobs; how can she fall prey to depression? Yes, they can and one should not surprise to accept that!
It’s not all about being a career woman or stay-at-home-mom, it’s all about the freedom of choice they want to make but couldn’t because of an overload of responsibilities, expectations and some “social norms” which they couldn’t break. It’s all about the little break which they want to have in their life but couldn’t get. It’s all about the passion/ dreams in their life which they have lost somewhere.
A woman needs to be loved and respected in all ways in all situations. Moreover, she doesn’t need to prove herself every time for appreciation & accolades in all her work which indeed she does out of her capacity and just for love and compassion. Let all respect her for the choices she makes for herself! These depressed faces are not the victims of domestic violence or any inhumane behavior. They are the result of the sheer ignorance of their own families. If her partner and children are able to understand her then a woman can take any challenges in her life, at any point in time. But, if the freedom of choice/voice is not given; you need to bring it forth. Why hesitate to express yourself? Let others judge whatever they want to! Sometimes it’s good to be selfish to maintain your mental health and to feel happy. It becomes our duty to tell our family that you also need a break from routine and all those mundane tasks. When there is no end of miseries, it’s imperative to break the silence.
Look out the options where you can have your own space.
Talk to your partner who can help you to give some ME-Time.
Prioritise your work, you no need to finish all chores at one time.
Shed the superwoman tag. Don’t overload yourself & work as per your capacity.
Talk to your children; make them understand that Mum is not a sacrificial lamb. Help and motivate them to be independent and self-reliant. Let them understand that Mum also needs a break and they should let her go once.
Taking responsibility is good but to what extent? We need to draw a line where a woman needs to learn to be more selfish. I am not a certified counselor on mental health but with my experience, I realized that this is the only way by which one can improve her mental health and keep her sanity. Don’t put a full-stop to your life. Never is it too late to learn and never is it too late to start! You can, at any point of time, dream high and let your family support you to fulfill that.
Published here earlier.
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