I Realized That Life Is A Harsh Bitch, Not A Fairy Tale Or A Mushy Love Story! But I Won’t Give Up

Posted: June 4, 2016

Fairy tales, with their happily-ever-afters, do not prepare us for life. When life’s harsh realities hit, we wake up from the dream we would prefer to live!

This realization is after living life for more than 30 years. Ask me about it! I am a 30+, soon-going-to-be-single, not a mother, hopelessly lagging on the career front, and a practising procrastinator. These are definitely not the reasons to bring happiness in anyone’s life. And amid all the nonsense that I live with, I have to deal with serious life changing moments.

I swear I didn’t want these ‘exceptional’ harsh realities in my life. I thought it was cool to read about them but, definitely, I was not ready to live them. It was always happening to a neighbour’s daughter or son. And even before I realized, the drama started unfolding in my life.

This is when it hit hard. I am neither Cinderella nor Beauty. I definitely don’t have a knight in shining armour, who’ll come and rescue me from the mess I am in. In fact, most of the mess has been because I was with my knight who was riding a white horse. Okay, I’ll be honest, it was a car. And I gifted it. Silly! This wasn’t required.

Nevertheless, life is giving me lemons one after another and I am just waiting for a melon. Why, you ask? Because a melon is sweeter, and much bigger in size than a lemon. But above all, I believe, this is because we all wait for the sweetness to return in our lives. In this process, we completely forget that sour, too, is just another flavor of life which must be enjoyed to the fullest.

Slowly but steadily, I have realized – this is the story of life, it was neither a bed of roses, nor it will ever be. It is always about falling and failing. It is going to hand over an out-of-syllabus question paper to you, right when you feel you’re least prepared to tackle it.

When Disney scripted Cinderella or The Beauty and the Beast or The little Mermaid all they told the young girls watching – with your prince, it is a happily ever after. They never told us that at times, even the best looking men come with a malevolent glint in their eyes. They ignored the fact that, even those doe-like, innocent looking eyes can turn into a cold and devilish stare with the intent to destroy.

Life, at times, is also about falling out of love. Or even worse, realizing it was not love. It is not that myths are broken every day. Yet, when they break, they break you in places where perhaps you can never be repaired. Hell! Disney and all those mushy love stories never prepared me for this.

In hindsight, I know, nothing can prepare me or anyone else for any circumstances. It is only the hope to which we all cling, that helps us pass those tough moments. But those moments, I wish I can tell how painful they are. The pain is so real, you can almost touch it. The breakdown is so bad you can’t ever think about it again.

To all those men and women facing tough times in life, you’re not alone, there are a whole bunch of those ready to give you company. Some have worse stories to share and some have a different perspective to offer, but each one of us has at least one lemon to share.

As I see these super, successful, happy, rich, beautiful, flawless, amazing women on the cover of magazines, I feel such a loser. I am in my plus thirties and I have to start all over again! I don’t even have a great career to fall back on. And not even a gorgeous figure. I am just so normal, so ordinary. A loser would be a small word to define me.

Yet, the urge to keep going, to keep kicking is so orgasmic, I want to do it again and again. In its own subtle way, life has taught me that to be extraordinary, I will have to excel in the ordinary first.

Failure is just a temporary state and so is success. What is permanent is the will to move on from point to point. In those awfully lonely moments of despair, what kept me going was the hope to see the next moment. This unrealistic, faint hope, gave me enormous possibilities to survive my drowning moments and love myself hopelessly.

So here’s what I wish to say, life is definitely not a fairy tale and you don’t need a prince to survive your struggles or your failures, or to celebrate your happiness. You need you. Your body is not a temple which can be destroyed or desecrated. Before you give up forever remember, there is always another time and life is full of such other times.

So rebel and love yourself to the extent you offend the system, the society and those who benefit from your self-doubt.

If you or anyone you know is severely depressed or feeling suicidal, here are some of the helplines available in India. Please call. 

Aasra, Mumbai: 022-27546669

Sneha, Chennai: 044-2464 0050

Lifeline, Kolkata: 033-2474 4704

Sahai, Bangalore: 080 – 25497777

Published earlier here.

Image source: depressed woman by Shutterstock.

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Comments

7 Comments


  1. I feel the author’s pain. But I’m glad she has found a way out of the dark and into the light!! Our core is resilience and you only have to sit in a quite space of your mind and tap into it. It can help you climb any mountain!!! In situations such as these, quiet the chaotic voices in your mind and hang in there, for another moment, another day. Think of the inner strengths you have that have got you out from the bad times each time before and hold on to it. Life can be a real struggle but remember we are all built to survive. It is the single most defining proof we see in nature and evolution. Life is certainly not a bed of roses but neither is it a bed of thorns. It is a cycle. Up and down and around it goes. Undoubtedly when you are going through a rough patch you will only see the lemons as the sour fruit they are, but when things turn (and they will and you have the power to let the past go and bring about the turn) you will start seeing how lemon juice can be a cleanser and tenderizer, it can even be used in certain desserts and add exotic flavour to a dull dish!! Not just that, you will soon realize that lemons aren’t the only fruit available !YOU will choose to savour sweeter fruit. Love yourself and be “giving” in your love to others(this is tough when you are low but it is essential to feel a high!) The sweet fruit of this action will come back to you slowly but surely, if not quickly. All the very best! Trust in the goodness within yourself and others and you will survive this !

    • Hi Mbuzi,

      Thanks a lot……Felt like you have written what right now i am going through in my life. This article feels like a mirror of my life to me. It was just that i was not able to find proper words to describe it (as i am very poor in writing).

      But as you have said in the ending to love yourself and to rebel, my story here moves to a different way now. I am a mother of a 4 year old son and he’s the only purpose for me to live. I can’t let him go away from me so easily and can do anything for him. I know one day he will grow up and will be independent enough that he will no longer need me. But till then my life belongs to him. As said by Taopiscean,Love yourself and be “giving” in your love to others, I am giving my life another chance by going back to my husband and son. May be the initial lemons that i will get from life will also taste bitter….but will always hope for lemons and bed of roses to come in my life…….!!!!!

      Again…..thanks a lot both of you…..!!!!!

  2. Hi Mbuzi,

    Thanks a lot……Felt like you have written what right now i am going through in my life. This article feels like a mirror of my life to me. It was just that i was not able to find proper words to describe it (as i am very poor in writing).

    But as you have said in the ending to love yourself and to rebel, my story here moves to a different way now. I am a mother of a 4 year old son and he’s the only purpose for me to live. I can’t let him go away from me so easily and can do anything for him. I know one day he will grow up and will be independent enough that he will no longer need me. But till then my life belongs to him. As said by Taopiscean,Love yourself and be “giving” in your love to others, I am giving my life another chance by going back to my husband and son. May be the initial lemons that i will get from life will also taste bitter….but will always hope for lemons and bed of roses to come in my life…….!!!!!

    Again…..thanks a lot both of you…..!!!!!

    • Dear Gauri, Its great to see you are working your way through stuff going on in your life and its fabulous that you have found a super reason to get up on your feet again and embrace all the wonders about yourself a child can show you. Don’t have very high expectations of yourself and others and thus stress yourself. “Everything in moderation” is a golden piece of advice we must always remember. When we are happy we must not expect everything to always be sunny. When we are sad we mustn’t be pessimistic and think it is the end of the world. Both feelings are valid and useful, to keep balance but we must allow them to control our actions only in moderation. Slowly you will learn the triggers that set you off and you will learn to stay away from them or feel distanced from them. Then when you are down again you may not feel so weak, you will feel strong knowing this phase will pass and a good time is around the corner.

      A beautiful piece of Tao Chinese poetry I love quoting is –
      When in trouble or pain, remember all is cyclical…
      With patience, wait.
      Sit behind your wooden door,
      Spring will come again.
      For…
      Even after the longest winter,
      no one can stop the flowers from blooming or the flowing of the once frozen stream.

  3. I am blank totally lost n shattered no hopes

  4. Finding ones inner strength at times like this is the key to survival. One person cant define your purpose to life, there is more beyond. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. You just need to keep going. This article is an inspiration to many women like this. Well written.

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