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The story of Cinderella or the damsel in distress have been told and retold, over centuries. But did Cinderella really live a happily ever after life?
If my name was Cinderella, you could be the prince
I could wear my sparkling prom dress,
We could fall in love the moment our eyes meet
If my name was Cinderella
You could pick me up in your gold and diamond carriage
You could be the hero of this fairy tale, and I could be the one
– Loraine Lotter
Oh yes, if my name was Cinderella, I would be touched by a fairy God Mother’s magical wand that would transform me. Then I would enchant my prince charming to live happily ever after. Is this the quintessential dream for a girl to live for? Does it subconsciously fascinate men to imagine that the woman they chose to spend rest of their life with, had just one dream – to marry him?
It might boost a man’s ego for a short while but isn’t the joy transient? What’s life like, after this big dream is “accomplished”? Are you now with someone who has nothing to look forward to?
Isn’t a life without dreams like a bird without wings – You could be pretty sure that the bird wouldn’t fly away, but is that all what you wanted?
Damsel in distress is an easy character to sketch and doesn’t demand much detailing
The Cinderella concept of woman has always been told, retold and passed on. We have seen the character sketch time and again in our movies and TV serials where the damsel in distress wait to be saved by the knight in a shining armor. The plots in the new age gaming space aren’t much different either. Damsel in distress is an easy character to sketch and doesn’t demand much detailing (How could someone detail it out or add depth to the character if she has done nothing other than just waited to be saved?). We see that the medium of story telling has evolved and is a lot more interactive but the characters doesn’t necessarily seem to be evolving at the same pace.
However, with more than a few movies or games challenging such stereo typical notion, should we believe that we are moving towards an era where – women who own up their lives and decisions are more desirable, endorsed and applauded?
Cinderella Complex is an unconscious wish to be taken care of. Women with Cinderella Complex desire to be whisked away from the frightening realities of living
The damsel in distress plot has worked and there are reasons why it still works – one of the reasons being the “Cinderella Complex”. Cinderella Complex was first described by Colette Dowling who is a psychotherapist specializing in women’s issues. According to Colette, Cinderella Complex is an unconscious wish to be taken care of. Women with Cinderella Complex desire to be whisked away from the frightening realities of living as an authentic adult owning up equal responsibilities of life, and feels being on her own in life is quite un-womanly. This probably has to do with how we raise our daughters – she is daddy’s little princess who is protected by her father and her brother (s) until they pass on the baton of her responsibility to the husband. The other reason being the feel good factor for the men playing the role of a “Knight” to the damsel in distress.
All such story plots end once the damsel is rescued and we move on with the belief that they lived happily ever after. We never get to see what “lived happily ever after” looks like. The truth of the matter is that the “happily ever after” doesn’t necessarily happen for the damsel and the knight. This can be attributed to a few reasons:
The chemistry for a healthy long term relationship is not that of a rescuer and a victim, but a relationship that allows mutual growth and empowerment.
Let me conclude with Kahlil Gibran’s verses on love written more than ninety years ago!
Let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of heavens dance between you.
Stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
Cinderella with her shoe image via Shutterstock
Sophia is the founder of Soul Cafe, a mom, a travel and life enthusiast. She has keen interest in studying human relationships and behavioral patterns. After a decade of playing various roles in the corporate read more...
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"There is a story and a vision which makes us gravitate towards cinema. Even as we worked as assistants on ads, we realised that cinema was our true calling," say Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh Raseen.
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Having studied at NIFT, Gunpreet Kaur Mann sent her portfolio out to several designers. Her first gig was as an assistant stylist with Manoshi and Rushi, who also happen to be a designer duo. She worked on an ad film starring Saif Ali Khan and eventually landed a full time job with designer Vikram Phadnis. Years of experience as assistant costume designer followed, which eventually led her to getting a break.
A ‘thank you’ makes a lot of difference in the way any woman in your life sees herself in your eyes. It might even mean the world to her.
I have not received any appreciation in the past. Probably never will. This is the experience of ample women across the globe. The expectation to be thanked for all the sacrifices she makes to keep others happy has faded. Yet the urge to hear few words of acknowledgement always lingers.
There is never a day when she pushes off her own burdens. She knows not to give up on people she loves. Women in general, are givers by nature and hence, give without asking anything in return. They have been the care givers and lovers since centuries however receive no appreciation.
It will mean the world to your mother if you answer her calls. If your sister seems lost give her a hug and assure her about her strengths. Tomorrow, there might come a day when you would have to make your daughter feel empowered with few words of wisdom every now and then. For the children to feel wanted and loved, you must be able to spare some quality time with your wife and be present in the moment.
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