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Alas! That I am a housewife. Therefore, it is better to lock my unruly longings in the recesses of my heart. I stare at the vast sky and sigh. Moreover, I cannot allow him to insult my pieces of me.
The last time I visited a psychiatrist, she told me not to fret over instant gratification. Delayed gratification is a blessing. I can productively use that period of time.
Can that be always?
In a society, where girls are mostly unwanted and taken for granted, ‘gratification’ becomes superfluous. An ideal girl should be synonymous with sacrifice and adjustment. Even if she is tempted, she should understand that it is a sin. Whether it’s a dress, a book, or a ride in the fair- it doesn’t matter.
Born in such a set-up, that too with my mother never listening to me, I have preferred to stifle my desires. Everyone appreciates me for being non-fussy, and easily contented. Deep down, I know, what governs me. Seeing my hapless and embarrassed parents over me, not turning out to be as per their expectations, I have convinced myself that I won’t further burden them.
Hence, wearing a loose-fitting attire to hide my curves, I would promise myself to slim down to fit into a beautiful dress I have seen in the shop. Or maybe a dish I have yearned to relish or a place I have wanted to visit- all have been postponed. Further, my parents have assured me that I can do whatever I want, post-marriage. My husband will take me to places, but with a condition: I cannot be demanding.
With no guidance, I have formed this opinion (derived from films and daily soaps) that a hero is essential to fulfill my long-cherished dreams. Hence, I have slipped into rosy dreams with my wedding. Unfortunately, after few weeks into the marriage, I hear my husband lament, how, unlike the wives of his friends, I couldn’t bring him good fortune! That moment, I realize, how ‘delayed gratification’ for him has backfired too.
And me… well, today, I have to think 1000 times before I can beg him for everyday wear. A sound sleep and relaxed eating are a nightmare. Being ‘responsible’, he already ‘wastes’ his hard-earned money on me. He just cannot go on buying me dresses or fulfill my demands since I have zero contributions to his house. Alas! That I am a housewife. Therefore, it is better to lock my unruly longings in the recesses of my heart. I stare at the vast sky and sigh. Moreover, I cannot allow him to insult my pieces of me.
While my husband shifts every bad day and bad mood on me, I can’t. The privileged man is always justified. I overthink and coddle my fancies. And, when these whims overpower me, I blurt out my exact wish. However soon I regret (mostly made to) for I am in no position to envisage it happening. Either I should earn or see myself dying without accomplishing at least one of them. A housewife is at the mercy of her lord!
Referring to one of my articles on Women’s Web (15 Enlightening Lessons I Learnt Living with My In-laws), I don’t wish to be grumpy and stinky like my in-laws. Since they had delayed (rather, sacrificed) their gratification for the sake of their children, now, they are misbehaving and disrespecting our exigencies. They have drilled in their minds that, no matter what they do, their son and daughter-in-law should serve them. In the process, it is I who have to sacrifice and undergo the pain the most. After all, their son has every right to burden me with verbal abuse.
So, now tell me, how delayed gratification is a boon? I agree, not always you can surrender to your desires. Nonetheless, why should it be always postponed? Sometimes you choose, sometimes you don’t-it occurs. But, if your ‘delayed gratification’ makes others miserable, and obviously you, what purpose does it serve?
Image source: a still from the series Anupamaa
I have been a school teacher and a content writer. I am now a full time mother to a hyper active toddler. I try to relax myself by writing, reading, singing or listening to music. read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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