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But what if this bonding and expectation grow out to be a great emotional dependency that we couldn't overcome in our later stages of life? What if it impacts our kid’s life?
Being a mum of a 2-year-old, I’ll be on cloud nine when my son chooses me over my partner, parents, or in-laws. It will be reassuring when he comes in search of me every 5 mins while I’m out of his sight.
Though, to be honest, I can’t bear his screams and tears, I will relish them when he makes such tantrums only to be in my close range.
In all likelihood, I am sure to feed in my self-pride and boast about my motherhood! When he comes home to me from pre-school with a huge hug expressing how much he missed me.
It’s fair enough for us to have that special bonding with our child and expect him to choose us over others at this stage. Needless to say, our world revolves around our kids, and we cherish them all throughout.
But what if this bonding and expectation grow out to be a great emotional dependency that we couldn’t overcome in our later stages of life? What if it impacts our kid’s life, and unintentionally we instil dependency in them?
Have we not seen mamas being emotionally dependent on their grown-up sons, finding it hard to digest the fact that he no longer belongs only to her? Or have we not come across adult men who are mama’s boy, seeking her intervention for every little thing?
Either way, these dependencies don’t come out of the blue. It certainly is related to the thought process of the mamas and their parenting style — ‘independence’ or ‘in-dependence’.
With regard to our thought process, we expect our in-laws to not intervene much in our personal preferences; so much, we should remember that we may also land in that stage sooner or later. Eminently, we should ensure that our parenting style is healthy enough right from the start.
That way, we won’t turn out to be a typical TV serial mama, who expects her son to prioritize her no matter what. Our kids will have different roles in their future life, and the role of being ‘our son’ is just one of them.
Hence, it is of utmost priority that we mamas become physically and emotionally independent. Exercise, meditate, learn new things, engage yourself and grow up along with your kid to keep yourself fit and active.
On the aspect of parenting style, giving choices to our kids, and letting them choose is different from choosing it for them. Rendering unconditional love is different from loving them to the moon and back.
But expecting them to return all the love back to us. Giving them time to find solutions to their problems is different from rushing to them with our solutions.
We should learn to respect their decisions without imparting our wishes. Let’s not intervene in their choices, assuming that they need our support 24/7. Even a one-year-old can clearly choose from choices and convey what he wants.
Motherhood is about sculpting ourselves in addition to sculpting our children. After all, a fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree; our children majorly reflect us in many ways, and hence what we are matters more than what we preach!
Image Source: Stills from the Film Helicopter Eela, via Canva Pro
Instructional Designer by profession; Writer by passion. A self sculpting mother exploring life in various dimensions. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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