Independence Or In-Dependence, What is Your Parenting Style?

But what if this bonding and expectation grow out to be a great emotional dependency that we couldn't overcome in our later stages of life? What if it impacts our kid’s life?

Being a mum of a 2-year-old, I’ll be on cloud nine when my son chooses me over my partner, parents, or in-laws. It will be reassuring when he comes in search of me every 5 mins while I’m out of his sight.

Though, to be honest, I can’t bear his screams and tears, I will relish them when he makes such tantrums only to be in my close range.

In all likelihood, I am sure to feed in my self-pride and boast about my motherhood! When he comes home to me from pre-school with a huge hug expressing how much he missed me. 

It’s fair enough for us to have that special bonding with our child and expect him to choose us over others at this stage. Needless to say, our world revolves around our kids, and we cherish them all throughout.

When expectations become dependency

But what if this bonding and expectation grow out to be a great emotional dependency that we couldn’t overcome in our later stages of life? What if it impacts our kid’s life, and unintentionally we instil dependency in them?

Have we not seen mamas being emotionally dependent on their grown-up sons, finding it hard to digest the fact that he no longer belongs only to her? Or have we not come across adult men who are mama’s boy, seeking her intervention for every little thing?

Either way, these dependencies don’t come out of the blue. It certainly is related to the thought process of the mamas and their parenting style — ‘independence’ or ‘in-dependence’.

With regard to our thought process, we expect our in-laws to not intervene much in our personal preferences; so much, we should remember that we may also land in that stage sooner or later. Eminently, we should ensure that our parenting style is healthy enough right from the start.

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Mothers must reinvent their identity and hobbies

That way, we won’t turn out to be a typical TV serial mama, who expects her son to prioritize her no matter what. Our kids will have different roles in their future life, and the role of being ‘our son’ is just one of them.

Hence, it is of utmost priority that we mamas become physically and emotionally independent. Exercise, meditate, learn new things, engage yourself and grow up along with your kid to keep yourself fit and active.

On the aspect of parenting style, giving choices to our kids, and letting them choose is different from choosing it for them. Rendering unconditional love is different from loving them to the moon and back.

Motherhood is not a give and take transaction 

But expecting them to return all the love back to us. Giving them time to find solutions to their problems is different from rushing to them with our solutions.

We should learn to respect their decisions without imparting our wishes. Let’s not intervene in their choices, assuming that they need our support 24/7. Even a one-year-old can clearly choose from choices and convey what he wants.

Let’s be a path guider, and not the path itself!

Motherhood is about sculpting ourselves in addition to sculpting our children. After all, a fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree; our children majorly reflect us in many ways, and hence what we are matters more than what we preach!

Image Source: Stills from the Film Helicopter Eela, via Canva Pro

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About the Author

Gayathri Venkatesan

Instructional Designer by profession; Writer by passion. A self sculpting mother exploring life in various dimensions. read more...

15 Posts | 8,240 Views

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