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But what if this bonding and expectation grow out to be a great emotional dependency that we couldn't overcome in our later stages of life? What if it impacts our kid’s life?
Being a mum of a 2-year-old, I’ll be on cloud nine when my son chooses me over my partner, parents, or in-laws. It will be reassuring when he comes in search of me every 5 mins while I’m out of his sight.
Though, to be honest, I can’t bear his screams and tears, I will relish them when he makes such tantrums only to be in my close range.
In all likelihood, I am sure to feed in my self-pride and boast about my motherhood! When he comes home to me from pre-school with a huge hug expressing how much he missed me.
It’s fair enough for us to have that special bonding with our child and expect him to choose us over others at this stage. Needless to say, our world revolves around our kids, and we cherish them all throughout.
But what if this bonding and expectation grow out to be a great emotional dependency that we couldn’t overcome in our later stages of life? What if it impacts our kid’s life, and unintentionally we instil dependency in them?
Have we not seen mamas being emotionally dependent on their grown-up sons, finding it hard to digest the fact that he no longer belongs only to her? Or have we not come across adult men who are mama’s boy, seeking her intervention for every little thing?
Either way, these dependencies don’t come out of the blue. It certainly is related to the thought process of the mamas and their parenting style — ‘independence’ or ‘in-dependence’.
With regard to our thought process, we expect our in-laws to not intervene much in our personal preferences; so much, we should remember that we may also land in that stage sooner or later. Eminently, we should ensure that our parenting style is healthy enough right from the start.
That way, we won’t turn out to be a typical TV serial mama, who expects her son to prioritize her no matter what. Our kids will have different roles in their future life, and the role of being ‘our son’ is just one of them.
Hence, it is of utmost priority that we mamas become physically and emotionally independent. Exercise, meditate, learn new things, engage yourself and grow up along with your kid to keep yourself fit and active.
On the aspect of parenting style, giving choices to our kids, and letting them choose is different from choosing it for them. Rendering unconditional love is different from loving them to the moon and back.
But expecting them to return all the love back to us. Giving them time to find solutions to their problems is different from rushing to them with our solutions.
We should learn to respect their decisions without imparting our wishes. Let’s not intervene in their choices, assuming that they need our support 24/7. Even a one-year-old can clearly choose from choices and convey what he wants.
Motherhood is about sculpting ourselves in addition to sculpting our children. After all, a fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree; our children majorly reflect us in many ways, and hence what we are matters more than what we preach!
Image Source: Stills from the Film Helicopter Eela, via Canva Pro
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Instructional Designer by profession; Writer by passion. A self sculpting mother exploring life in various dimensions. read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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"I chose to go out into the remote, wild, unknown, and make it home," says entrepreneur Kiranjeet Ahluwalia Chaturvedi, who owns Birdsong & Beyond.
The story of my mountain home Birdsong & Beyond started taking shape in 2009, on the internet, the way many stories do these days.
My childhood fascination for a life in the Himalayas led to an internship with a central Himalayan NGO instead of a much prized corporate assignment. But when they offered me a full-time job, I refused. I was overcome by fear and a lack of confidence.
My other longings pulled me away – the longing to fit in, to earn validation from others. By my mid-30s, with all the trappings of a middle-class urban life in place, the call of the snows couldn’t be ignored anymore. So I got to work on it with clearer intentions and a stronger sense of what I needed for myself, and why.
Many Indian elderly are firm believers in enslaving a daughter-in-law in the name of tradition which is actually a tradition of oppression and not of religious faith.
Albeit, the popular culture has interpreted scriptures as suggesting that Kanyadaan is the supreme form of donation given to someone, the connotation that the word donation alludes to definitely objectifies the girl.
Even when the exegesis justify the act of giving away the daughter, considering it a ritual to mark the initiation of the daughter into her husband’s gotra and her becoming the part of his family tree.
There is no denial of the fact that this initiation is not required on the part of the groom thereby formally denoting the end of the filial ties with the daughter as it was popularly instructed to the bride during the Vidai ceremonies:
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