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Haven't we seen our fathers, fathers-in-law, uncles, neighbours etc. treat their ageing wives badly? They yell and humiliate them in front of their children and others, and have no remorse whatsoever.
Haven’t we seen our fathers, fathers-in-law, uncles, neighbours etc. treat their ageing wives badly? They yell and humiliate them in front of their children and others, and have no remorse whatsoever.
The other day I was watching a web series and it showed the female protagonist’s father to be a rude, opinionated old man who would sulk, talk rudely with his wife, say anything that he felt like to anyone… and that was supposed to be funny!
Not just me, all of us, at some point or other in life have encountered rude patriarchal men and such men become worse with ageing. Throughout their life they believe that they are right and entitled to treat others like trash. The first target of these men is their wife.
Haven’t we seen our fathers, fathers-in-law, uncles, neighbours etc. treat their ageing wives badly? They yell and humiliate them in front of their children, grandchildren, other relatives, sons and daughters-in-law and have no remorse whatsoever.
I have asked these women, “Why don’t you retaliate or say something?” The reply from them has been, “He has always been like this.” “He is not keeping well these days.” “He is not bad at heart.” “Don’t want more drama in the house. I need to ensure that there is peace in the house.”
No wonder these men keep on repeating their obnoxious behaviour day in and day out.
Recently an old relative complained, “I am getting old and have many health issues. Still my husband wants his food on time, gets angry if I repeat dishes, gets grumpy when I ask him to help me. He doesn’t understand that I am getting old and sick too.” Why should men treat their spouse of more than 4-5 decades like dirt?
Such men do not spare their grown-up children, grandchildren or even strangers either! They don’t realize that others can get hurt by their words, their behaviour. They cannot treat others badly by the virtue of their age or gender. No one has the right to humiliate any other person, be it their own spouse or children.
The unfortunate part is women keeping quiet or promoting this behaviour. Many mothers and mothers-in-law ask their daughters and daughters-in-law, granddaughters to give in to this toxic masculinity by keeping quiet or boosting their ego.
No, such behaviour by these elderly men is not funny, its obnoxious and unacceptable. Women shouldn’t pamper the egos of such men. It propagates patriarchy. Next time, take a stand for yourself. You are not the only one to ensure that their is peace in the house or the relations don’t get spoiled. The elderly men also need to take the responsibility.
Next time, you see your mom or mother-in-law being insulted or yelled at publicly by these patriarchs, take a stand.
Image source: a still from DDLJ
I am a travel expert by profession and an avid blogger by passion. Parenting and women's issues are something that are close to my heart and I blog a lot about them. read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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