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There are many, many girls like Seema who are stuck in loveless, abusive marriages; the abuse can be verbal, emotional, physical, financial.
Trigger Warning: This has domestic violence and may be triggering for survivors.
Seema was the quintessential positive, talkative lady in the office.
Every morning Seema came as a breath of fresh air in the office. Her coworkers would share their problems with her, ask for solutions from her, makeup tips from her. She would organize all the important seminars and get-togethers in the office. People would be envious of her charm, energy, and dedication to her work.
In the family gatherings, Seema beti, Seema bhabhi would be the ‘jaan’ of the family. Everyone envied her perfect family life. Only Seema knew that everything that people believed was a facade.
Most mornings, when she would be leaving for her office her husband would either throw the breakfast, yell and abuse her, slap her, or hit her. She would hide the scars of her hands and legs by wearing full-sleeves kurta and chudidar. The red mark on her face would be camouflaged by makeup. Her children would go disturbed to the school every morning. Even her own parents did not know that she was tormented.
Many would ask why didn’t Seema walk out?
The apparently progressive society isn’t still that progressive. The apparently strong parents are still not that strong.
There are many, many girls like Seema who are stuck in loveless, abusive marriages; the abuse can be verbal, emotional, physical, financial. The husband can be the most well-mannered CEO of an organization whom people would label as the ‘perfect’ husband material. Abusers don’t have a particular ‘look’, do they?
In Seema’s case, her husband would threaten to kill her and her children dare she tried to complain against him or try to move out. He had kept the finances under his control. He earned a lot more than Seema, her children studied in an expensive international school. Seema earned almost one-third of what her husband earned. More than money, it was the threat to the life to her children that scared her to take the next step.
She had tried to convey her agony to her parents, but like most Indian parents fearing society her parents pretended not to understand and always asked her to adjust stating that things will get better. But perpetrators never get better, do they?
So, next time you envy a woman, judge her, are rude to her, belittle her, ridicule her; just be a little mindful. You never know that the smiling woman standing next to you might have scars, might have just be been abused physically, might have been yelled at or abused verbally, might be carrying only 100 rupees or lesser in her wallet, might have been asked to “adjust” for the nth time by her parents.
Be a little kind to every woman you meet..she might be hiding both physical and emotional scars…and if you come to know of her reality try to help her.
Image source: a still from the film English Vinglish
I am a travel expert by profession and an avid blogger by passion. Parenting and women's issues are something that are close to my heart and I blog a lot about them. read more...
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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