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We pass on this message over generations that it's okay to display anger but not love. It's okay to hit not hug. It's okay to yell but not apologize.
We pass on this message over generations that it’s okay to display anger but not love. It’s okay to hit not hug. It’s okay to yell but not apologize.
Priya could again hear loud noises from the other room just as she woke up. She was 13 years old now and till the time she could remember she was used to waking up with yelling, screaming, banging of stuff almost everyday.
Her parents fought over trivial issues day in and day out and hurled abuses at each other and the atmosphere in the house was always toxic.
The other day when she saw her friend Maya’s parents hug each other she thought that she had never seen her parents hug or even hold hands in front of her. That day she asked her mother, “Mom, why don’t you and dad ever hug each other?”
Her mother scorned, “That’s a very private thing to do and we would not do that in front of you. It’s not our culture.” Priya was taken aback. Yelling, abusing, fighting was okay in front of their child but not display of affection? What kind of ‘culture’ was that?
Sounds familiar?
How many times do we see Indian parents hugging, holding hands or giving a peck to each other in front of their children? The belief is that this is ‘against our culture’ and that it will affect the children adversely.
But the same parents have no qualms in abusing, cursing, fighting, hitting in front of their children. Do they believe that won’t create any adverse affects? On the contrary, children who see their parents being affectionate towards each other are more secure and happy.
Funnily, most parents don’t apologize to each other for their behaviour. The children who see their parents fighting day in and day out are insecure, have no trust in relationships or marriage, and resent their parents. It affects their psyche badly.
What kind of culture do we perpetrate? We pass on this message over generations that it’s okay to display anger but not love. It’s okay to hit not hug. It’s okay to yell but not apologize. It’s okay to pretend than handle the situation wisely.
Let’s tweak the ‘culture’ where displaying affection, apologizing for mistakes or bad behavior, owing up for the mistakes, discussing calmly should be normalized, instead of normalizing yelling, screaming, hitting and toxic behaviour.
Image source: shutterstock
I am a travel expert by profession and an avid blogger by passion. Parenting and women's issues are something that are close to my heart and I blog a lot about them. read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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