Dear Society, Obsess Over A Woman’s Dreams, NOT If She Is Married Or Has A Baby

Why aren’t people asking a woman if she is having a happy life or if she has any dreams? Why is the question always about a child that one may or may not have?

Dear Society and the Ladies in this Society,

It is often said that having a baby makes one’s life worth living. I agree it could be so for many women and respect this thought, and I am sure most of you agree with and believe this. However, let me try my best to show you the other side, i.e., not everyone needs to be ambitious about having a baby. Not everyone’s life purpose is to produce a baby.

I was attending a meditation retreat a few days ago. It was a 10-day retreat and all the people had to observe complete silence and this silence was to be broken on the 10th day.

Too much focus on women’s uteruses

On the 10th day, many women walked up to me and asked me my name… that’s pretty much expected when you are at a new place and people don’t know you. Their next question almost always was, did I have a baby? (The toe-ring that I wore made it obvious that I was married. So they skipped the ‘trivial’ question of me being married).

Here’s how the conversations typically went on:
Nearly 6-7 ladies: “Do you have a baby/children?”
Me: “No”
Me (in my mind, after being asked this question the umpteenth time): No, do you care to just pop some out for me?
Them: “Oh, Why…?”
Me: “I just got married a few months ago.”
Me (in my mind): My uterus and my wish!

This futile conversation just got me thinking… Why is there so much of pressure on a woman to have baby/babies (that too within the first year of her wedding)? Why aren’t people asking the woman if she is having a happy life or if she has any dreams? Why is the question always about a child that one may or may not have?

What if someone can’t conceive?

I also put myself in another situation. A situation of a woman who can never conceive…

Imagine how miserable society would make her feel with such baseless questions, especially if she was someone trying hard to have a baby. Won’t such questions hit her hard?

What about a woman’s dreams?

I understand, having a baby is the cycle of life and all that… But, having a life, a happy one is equally important.

I don’t know if this article is going to make any impact on anyone, but it is my humble request that, next time you see a married woman, talk to her about things she feels good about. Ask her about her life, ask her if she is doing good, ask her if she has dreams (most often dreams get squashed too!), encourage her to follow her passion… And if she has a baby or is pregnant, she will definitely tell you.

So please don’t go around asking every married woman if there’s a child in the making. A woman can be a plant-mother, an animal-mother or a teacher-mother… it’s eventually a decision taken between her and her husband!

We women have to uplift each other and set examples for everyone to follow.

I have deep respect for women who have children, women who have decided to have children and women who are balancing career and family in an amazing way. I also respect women who have chosen their dreams and passion over the pressure to produce a progeny within one or two years of marriage.

With warm regards,
A woman who faced pressure from the society

Image source: pixabay

Ragini Ravichandran

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