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Historically, MILs have been the torture inducing villains in every DIL's life. However, with changing times, the author hopes this equation changes.
Historically, MILs have been the torture inducing villains in every DIL’s life. However, with changing times, the author hopes this equation changes.
My best friend went for a movie with her mother-in-law (MIL). They often go to movies, dinner and shopping together. Sometimes, it is her idea and sometimes it’s her MIL’s. She talks of her as she would of her mother.
If the above situation doesn’t raise your eyebrows with wonder or surprise, then you really have found the family in your in-law’s house.
The relationship between an MIL and her DIL is criticised universally and is full of prejudice, examples like these are empowering.
And this could be possible with a shared attempt from both the sides. Both the women have to understand the ‘new’ in the family. They need to try to accept the change. And both should take some steps and also know when to step back.
A woman is always expected to easily adjust in the family after her marriage. She is supposed to consider her in-laws’ her family within a few days of her marriage. And should acclimatise to the new house, people, traditions and everything else. None of this is appreciated, as it is her ‘duty.’
But why does the MIL consider it her duty to criticise and judge her DIL at every step? Why is that everything that the DIL does is scrutinised mercilessly? Is it the only way to make her understand the customs of her new family? Or is it how would she teach her own daughter? If it is, then well, she is a terrible teacher.
But what if the situation were a little different? Maybe a little help, a motherly tap on the shoulder, a small not which says, ‘It’s okay. You are doing well’ from the MIL would help. It would help the new DIL feel a little more empowered. And it is important to give confidence to this young woman. It would be better than those judging eyes, the variety of taunts that make the DIL awfully miserable about absolutely everything.
Unfortunately, we seldom see such camaraderie between DIL and MIL. The tussle between these two women of one family is easily accepted (and rather anticipated) based on past experiences of many people. Pathetic TV shows and movies have taken enough advantage of people’s mindset and added fuel in making these relations more and more ablaze.
Blinded by many unrealistic norms, people tend to forget that no one person is responsible to accept the family. The family, and family members should put their sincere efforts to be accepted as well.
If you can make her feel home, she will embrace it as ‘her’ home. Or else, it will always be her in-laws’ home and this always comes with a distance.
A marriage is the rise of many relations and they are like the budding flowers. You have to nurture and, cherish them and when they are about to blossom, you appreciate them. Aren’t you always kind to the flowers?
The flower ornaments your beauty, decorates your home. These new relations are the flowers that need your warmth, kindness and love. They want to blossom to decorate your family with peace and happiness.
Family should be eager to empower one another instead of clutching to the blinded norms and prejudices. They should look to support each other and not push each other down.
Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV series Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai
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For International Day of Elimination of Violence Against Women, let's look at how we 'accept' mothers who avenge violence against their kids, but not wives who fight back.
The silver screen is replete with depictions of male rage and men engaging in violence, but when women engage in violence, even when it is reactionary violence, it doesn’t sit right with us. We allow mothers (as portrayed in Sridevi’s Mom and Raveena Tandon’s Maatr) to avenge their daughters and resort to violence when all else fails, but when the abuser is an intimate partner, the rules appear to be different.
Depictions of female rage on screen garner mixed reactions. We root for protagonists and films we agree with like Mom or Maatr, but there are also films like Darlings which drew flak for its depictions of reactionary violence.
This begs the question, which women on screen are allowed to fight back and why do we root for some of these characters while refusing to see where others come from?
This Generation To Generation Violence towards A Daughter-in-law Needs To Stop!
It is ironic how women in the same home do not think twice before harassing a woman who left her parents and family behind to live with her husband.
“My daughter needs a husband who listens to her. He should leave his family to stay with her after marriage. He should be well-off and not let her do chores.”
“I also need an obedient daughter-in-law, who will be an unpaid servant and a punching bag who shouldn’t have a life of her own.”
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