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Historically, MILs have been the torture inducing villains in every DIL's life. However, with changing times, the author hopes this equation changes.
Historically, MILs have been the torture inducing villains in every DIL’s life. However, with changing times, the author hopes this equation changes.
My best friend went for a movie with her mother-in-law (MIL). They often go to movies, dinner and shopping together. Sometimes, it is her idea and sometimes it’s her MIL’s. She talks of her as she would of her mother.
If the above situation doesn’t raise your eyebrows with wonder or surprise, then you really have found the family in your in-law’s house.
The relationship between an MIL and her DIL is criticised universally and is full of prejudice, examples like these are empowering.
And this could be possible with a shared attempt from both the sides. Both the women have to understand the ‘new’ in the family. They need to try to accept the change. And both should take some steps and also know when to step back.
A woman is always expected to easily adjust in the family after her marriage. She is supposed to consider her in-laws’ her family within a few days of her marriage. And should acclimatise to the new house, people, traditions and everything else. None of this is appreciated, as it is her ‘duty.’
But why does the MIL consider it her duty to criticise and judge her DIL at every step? Why is that everything that the DIL does is scrutinised mercilessly? Is it the only way to make her understand the customs of her new family? Or is it how would she teach her own daughter? If it is, then well, she is a terrible teacher.
But what if the situation were a little different? Maybe a little help, a motherly tap on the shoulder, a small not which says, ‘It’s okay. You are doing well’ from the MIL would help. It would help the new DIL feel a little more empowered. And it is important to give confidence to this young woman. It would be better than those judging eyes, the variety of taunts that make the DIL awfully miserable about absolutely everything.
Unfortunately, we seldom see such camaraderie between DIL and MIL. The tussle between these two women of one family is easily accepted (and rather anticipated) based on past experiences of many people. Pathetic TV shows and movies have taken enough advantage of people’s mindset and added fuel in making these relations more and more ablaze.
Blinded by many unrealistic norms, people tend to forget that no one person is responsible to accept the family. The family, and family members should put their sincere efforts to be accepted as well.
If you can make her feel home, she will embrace it as ‘her’ home. Or else, it will always be her in-laws’ home and this always comes with a distance.
A marriage is the rise of many relations and they are like the budding flowers. You have to nurture and, cherish them and when they are about to blossom, you appreciate them. Aren’t you always kind to the flowers?
The flower ornaments your beauty, decorates your home. These new relations are the flowers that need your warmth, kindness and love. They want to blossom to decorate your family with peace and happiness.
Family should be eager to empower one another instead of clutching to the blinded norms and prejudices. They should look to support each other and not push each other down.
Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV series Yeh Rishta Kya Kehlata Hai
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When Netflix announced that Indian Matchmaking (2020-present) would be renewed for a second season, many of us hoped for the makers of the show to take all the criticism they faced seriously. That is definitely not the case because the show still continues to celebrate regressive patriarchal values.
Here are a few of the gendered notions that the show propagates.
A mediocre man can give himself a 9.5/10 and call himself ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’, but an independent and successful woman must be happy with receiving just 60-70% of what she feels she deserves.
Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).