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Why do people want to try and get a young bride to change her name, wishes, identity, and mould herself into someone they want her to be?
After her wedding, Priyanka Chopra Jonas said in her recent interview that she wanted to add her husband’s surname into her name but didn’t want to take away her identity, so she kept her last name too. It was just added into who she is.
I wish all the women and the older women a.k.a mother-in-law believed the same.
Changing your surname after your marriage is quite a regular tradition a woman is supposed to follow. Somewhere, the celebrities have taught us the other way to do so: keeping your surname and add your husband’s after yours. But a regular woman still goes with the older method; eliminating her surname from her name and accept a completely new identity. Plus, the majority of the families in our society go with the norms.
But it doesn’t stop here; there are examples in our society where even the first names of the married women are changed as per her in-laws’ wish. And this woman has to agree with this because she is married into this family which leaves her no choice but follow this ‘wish’.
I want to ask here, ‘What makes you think that you have any right to change someone’s identity, someone’s origin?’
A girl is born in an upper-middle-class Indian family, her parents give her a name; let’s say ‘Nisha’, her family give her the last name; let’s call it ‘Sharma’. She is brought up with the name Nisha Sharma and lives her life with that personality until she gets married. It was a typical arranged marriage.
Her new day after the marriage comes with new hopes and new priorities. She knows that she is the one to fulfil the expectations of her in-laws, which she believes is her own family now. She will give a 100% to be that ‘ideal’ daughter-in-law as per her in-laws’ wishes. And mostly, she does it to dignify her parents’ upbringing. And in many (awful) cases, the in-laws’ rigid expectations make her push the boundaries of capacity.
When a new girl comes into your family, it is suddenly believed that she is supposed to have that magical power to mould herself into your family’s shape in a snap of your finger. And how do you think that happens? Did you see any fairy come and shower that golden dust over her head and she will be the girl who you want her to be? And when did you mention that you wanted Nisha to be that particular person whom you had imagined in your thoughts in some la-la land? Did you really think that you could change her completely just to make her meet your expectations? And has it ever occurred to you that maybe, somehow, you have disappointed her and still doing so?
You chose her for the person she was at that time, and she chose you for who you are.
Who gives you the right to change a person as per your ‘requirements’? You are not God and trust me; even God won’t do such a thing.
Really, if you never wanted Nisha the way she is, then why the hell did you find her the ‘ideal bahu’ you said you saw in her before the wedding day? Maybe, that is not a lie or biggest of a crime, but your words are the reflection of what you are. Nisha and her family were taking your words seriously. They believed in them. They believed you when you said that you saw a daughter in Nisha. But they didn’t know that the true identity of a person could be known only after one lives with that person. Everything else is just the hypocritical exterior which will be kept intact.
The woman married into your family is a person and has her own personality. Please don’t try to change her according to your ways. It is just selfish. Adjustment is a two-way process. And it demands a lot of sensibility. Make sure you are able to have enough understanding to nurture a completely new relationship before welcoming that ‘stranger’ who is willing accept you as her family for the rest of her life.
Image source: shutterstock
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Editor of C4N India (www.c4n.in), author of fiction books, travel blogger and passionate
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