To Parents From A Non-Parent

Posted: October 7, 2018

Foundation of the family depends on the ‘upbringing’. Your child looks up to you and learns things. No amount of counselling, parenting seminars or parenting books would help you if your own behaviour in your family is irresponsible.

Like a student, the child’s basic concepts of life should get clear while growing up. What to speak and what not to speak is often taught to kids. But how to speak; in what tone, is sometimes missed. Raising voice and babbling out words result in the type of misbehaviour.

How you behave reflect on your children:

You often blame other people around you for the ill words your child is speaking. You think that you never speak those words because you are very careful with your child around, so who else to blame? Why? Doesn’t your child go out, go to school? Doesn’t he/she have friends? Doesn’t he/she hear you when you are not aware of it? Well, they do. You might be the most alert parents; you never mishandle your kid or use bad language while speaking to your child, but what about your behaviour with other people in front of your child? A kid always notices tiniest of the behaviour and grasps each and every word and tone of the word. So don’t get surprised when your child speaks your language. He/she inherits you (fortunately or unfortunately!!) He is basically reflecting on you first and the others later! (So if you need to change someone, change yourself!)

You are supposed to be the god:

Parents are the god, no matter what. So be it. It is your responsibility to stay the god for your child. He/she watches you the most and from the closest. You are creating a person over the years.

Be the family person to make him/her one:

Your role in your family and your behaviour with your family is being observed every single time. Humans are social animals. We are supposed to live in the society with families. And we need love, warmth, care and affection to live a smooth life. ‘I don’t need anyone’ attitude is the biggest mistake one makes. You are never enough alone, on your own. So teach the meaning and value of family to your child (you can solve your differences with your family later!). It is the part of education and it starts from home.

Don’t bribe your child:

Fancy toys and hi-tech gadgets won’t make them closer to you. Don’t teach them bribing. Without basic manners, no branded clothes would make him/her a good human being.

Don’t take your child’s side in front of him/her:

Earlier I had read it somewhere, but later, I saw it many times. When a person needs to scold your child for his/her betterment, don’t ever take your child’s side at the moment. It happens between mother and father too. It makes your kid believe that he/she is allowed to do anything and no one would scold him/her because his/her parent is there to protect him/her like a soldier!! But you know what? You are never the soldier here. In fact, you create an extremely wrong impression among your child’s well-wishers and let your child learn any inappropriate things. You always think that no one is better for your child when it comes to teaching things, but hey, knock knock, there are people who have raised children without having to read parenting guides!

Don’t be the egoistic parent:

When your child disagrees with you, do you get hurt or angry because your child just corrected you or made you aware of the right thing (according to him/her)? Then this is the perfect paragraph for you. This might sound harsh to the parents here, but this is true. He/she is not a ‘yes mom’ slave. No, he/she is not supposed to agree with you every time for everything you say. You might be wrong sometimes and you have to accept it if your kid points it out. If you have taught them manners, your kid would never misbehave with you, but he/she has all the rights to part rights from the wrongs. And even if you are not wrong, but your child is an individual human being with choices and opinions. Can’t you just accept it?

‘I did, so you also have to do it’

You expect your child to work the same way you have done. But guess what? The time changes and with time, a person changes too. Don’t paste your ‘When I was at your age’ cliché in his/her life because when you were at your kid’s age, things were different, and time was different, completely. Don’t try to create your replica. He/she is not born to become you because one ‘you’ is already there. Encourage his/her uniqueness.

This is a person we are talking about and not the machine which keeps fulfilling your expectations:

Do you ever realize how your dreams and expectations crush the individuality of your child? Which parent doesn’t want his child to become a successful person? But just make sure that your concern and care don’t make him a machine.

Image via Pexels

First published at author’s blog

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I am an amateur writer and the co-founder of C4N India. Love fiction writings

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