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With more and more working women, there are an increasing number of couples having their careers in different places. These ‘weekend couples’ can manage with some basic rules and a lot of trust.
My mind today is overloaded with thoughts whereas the house suddenly feels empty; the ‘man of the house’ having returned to his place of work. A difficult life I have chosen for myself; and not only for myself but for my kid too who had no choice but to accept this arrangement.
“Mulgi shikali pragati jhali” (A girl’s education helps in progress) is a proverb the middle class parents are taking seriously. As a result we see an increase in working women.
Women are not only choosing to be independent but they are also ambitious enough to have a career without compromising on having a family. Balancing the two is definitely a tough task, and it’s getting tougher when the borders are shrinking, and moving states or regions is not considered as a movement. A dream job after all doesn’t come with location as a ceteris paribus (other things being equal).
A similar quest lead me to a role in a different city, and I shifted with a toddler in tow. Life became difficult as slowly I realised that a lot of things I had taken for granted, staying in one city (that too Mumbai) for long had really made me rigid about a change. In my husband I had had an unconditional 3 A.M friend who wasn’t there anymore. My toddler had a tough time adjusting to the changes, and I had tougher moments adjusting to her tantrums.
I was miserable, and the misery was self induced. I had to work slowly and steadily on things that not only helped me but helped my family. How did I do it?
~ I started looking at the positives of the situation and worked on things bit by bit.
~ I looked for several activities in the new city to engage me and my toddler, they not only helped us bond better but also helped us in coping together.
~ I made new friends and took time out for myself whenever needed, luckily they understood my situation and were used to my daughter accompanying us for several coffee and dinner outings
~ I asked for help whenever needed. I never tried to hide my emotions and that helped in taking the reigns of my life in my hands.
~ I had an unstated rule on the weekend whenever husband visited, “phone usage to be a minimum” and “no phone in bedroom”, this ensured a lot of quality time as a family whenever we were together.
Two years down I can safely say the bond is only better, as with distance you try a bit harder. It’s still difficult staying alone, and on top of that, answering a lot of questions of the doting daughter who is trying hard to understand why we are not together. But when you want everything from life you need to adjust somewhere.
In past two years I have realised there is no truth in the saying, “have your cake and eat it too” because you can’t balance everything always. You might have to give up on one thing or other. But what you need to understand is, life gives you a lot of choices, and you need to choose what suits you best, what is important for you and just you, and not what society thinks would be best for you.
Image source: shutterstock
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